I've been a CRL since just before Dr. Atkins had his fatal accident in 2003. My most recent weight loss was last year between March and July - 35 pounds. I was eating pretty cleanly and had cut out alcohol altogether - I believe that was the primary reason for my success. Once I reintroduced alcohol, I gained a little, lost a little, and then made a major life change and cross-country move. I was already floundering, so it wasn't surprising to me that I lost my footing altogether at that point - around May of this year.

I'm not quite back to my highest weight, but I'm close. I was drawn back here because I knew I needed someone who wouldn't buy my well-crafted denials. I needed the truth.

I was pretty angry when I left here in the fall of 2006. It took time and another failure to re-evaluate my reactions. It's painful to make these changes; fortunately Adele knows that all too well. I e-mailed her directly to see if I might be welcomed back. I could hardly have anticipated the warmth and understanding I would be met with.

I've made a commitment to adopt a clean diet starting Monday June 30th. It helped me to set a date, and I'll have made it through visiting house guests and a birthday celebration by then. I know I will have many such events to eat cleanly through going forward; I just wasn't prepared to begin there.

I told my housemate and my coworkers about my plan. I wanted to state my intentions here as well in order to be accountable. I will be preparing food over the weekend so that I'm ready Monday. I'm not a cook - at all - so this is in itself a big challenge for me. My housemate does all the cooking, but I need to be in control of my food now.

My plan will be to cut out all alcohol and most dairy, and include meats and low carb vegetables. There are a few things I would like to include but am not sure I should initially, such as green olives, sugarless gum, and one or two sugar-free XS Energy drinks per day made with Ace-K as a sweetener. I also love Seven Seas Red Wine Vinaigrette salad dressing, and at 2 carbs per serving it's lower than most, but the 2 carbs are sugar carbs so probably not a good idea.

I want to be ready for Monday, but then I will have to meet Monday on its own terms, leaving Tuesday for when I get to it, only thinking about it enough to be sure I've got food ready! If I start thinking about forever, I get overwhelmed. I've learned that I can often do things I would never have imagined I could, if I don't talk myself out of trying. So it's good to leave the door open without having to "believe" it right away.

I added my Fitday link, but it will be Monday before I begin recording my food there again.

Thanks for letting me know it was safe to come back.

----------
Orvette

HW - 232.6
CW - 224.6
GW - 150

(orvette64@yahoo.com)

http://www.fitday.com/WebFit/PublicJournals.html?Owner=Orvette

Well Orvette, let’s see where you take yourself in the next few months. I expect that you’ve read and will be following A Better Diet for Chronically Restarting Lowcarbers Your questions are addressed in that article. I’m expecting no alcohol, no sugars, no grains (that would include lowcarb tortillas and breaded chicken products which it looks like you used fairly often) and that you follow the limits on artificial sweeteners and special category foods. You are a CRL, if you “slip” you’re really not ready to change even though you would like to weigh less. (Your sugar-free gum most likely has sugar alcohols and corn products, so I would not include those...)

As I mentioned in our e-mail exchange, I believe you have some things in common with Suzi who has now been with us for more than a year. I would like for you to carefully read her entire thread and tell me what you think you can take from her journey and our exchanges.

Adele (140 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 11+ years
Maintaining at goal 8+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

I not only have an unhealthy attachment to alcohol, but I also overspend. I manage to get everything paid, but I've asked myself before: "What will I think about when I don't have to grapple with money and debt?" It was actually a scary thought. I'm definitely hiding.

I'm pretty concerned about not being able to chew gum. But I guess there's no better time to find out if I love it for the chewing or for the taste and sugar alcohols, eh? To pretend that I "can't" give up gum is just, well, silly. So, I'll take your advice and leave it out.

Wow, you had to go back a long way in my Fitday to find food entries! I used to eat the bone-in chicken wings a lot. They weren't breaded per se, but they had seasonings that I'm sure included chemicals and products I didn't need. I began to share the meat with my 22-year old cat when she got cancer and had a tough time eating. After I lost her this past February, I found I just didn't want the chicken wings any more. I have nothing against chicken in other forms, though!

I feel differently now from the way I have in the past anticipating a change in diet. I'm not rah-rah excited, but I'm not exactly dreading it, either. I'm actually glad for it, but I know it's gonna stink for a while. Then I do believe it will get better. I don't want to lose sight of the fact that it will be only after I get to goal that the real test will begin. I love my life and can't imagine what I'm hiding from -- I expect that will begin to surface later and I pray I'll have the courage to just let that happen. I realize that's what will allow me to more fully live my life -- the weight loss will just be a significant bonus.

I appreciated your exchanges with Suzi and definitely recognized some things. It helped me to put alcohol abstention at the top of my list. Nothing will help me if I'm still drinking. I hate even typing that because I still don't want to believe it's true, but I know that it is. I don't get "drunk" but I drink every day. I very much appreciated your sharing your own personal struggles and fears related to food and alcohol.

I'm going to love to hate it here for the next several months. You have created something very special, and I want to be able to stay.

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Orvette

HW - 232.6
CW - 224.6
GW - 150

(orvette64@yahoo.com)

Orvette's Fitday

Tomorrow is my Day 1. I'm nervous but that's OK.

While I've maintained for many years that I don't cook, today I've been baking chicken, boiling eggs, and cutting up vegetables. I even responded to a challenge (more of a dare) this morning and cooked bacon & eggs for 4 people! My roommate has known me for 10 years and this breakfast marked the first I had cooked even for the two of us. I guess this old dog can learn a new trick or two...My chicken smells darned good, as a matter of fact!

I've mentioned that I've told a few people at work and people close to me outside of work about my plan. At dinner tonight someone mentioned how healthy rice was for dieting and someone else said: "Well, not on the diet she's going to start..." They know I'm a low-carb believer. I just said that mine was designed to be boring on purpose because I'm an emotional eater. That seemed to allow the conversation to move along to something else, which was great. I don't want to talk about the specifics, except on here. I'm tired of trying to convince people about the benefits of low-carb. My behavior will speak far louder anyway. And I'm sure it will honk some people off, who will tell me it's not a healthy way to lose weight. It's healthy for me.

I will post tomorrow and make sure that my fitday is filled in. I am in the process of making my way through the threads. Thank God for all of you remarkable people who are willing to share your successes and struggles here. My prayers to you, and for myself that my thread (the good, the bad, and the ugly!) may later help others too. Laina, I got chills at the poetic beauty in your phrase: "I am not sure how it will all manifest, but I trust the unfolding." That is one I will keep close and think on often.

OK, well, a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, right?

----------
Orvette

HW - 232.6
CW - 225.6
GW - 150

(orvette64@yahoo.com)

Orvette's Fitday

I will try not to post so often going forward, but I felt I should say that I made it through Day 1 and am very happy to have started my Odyssey. I feel good. I'm a better version of myself without the alcohol - glaringly clear when I'm not on the stuff. Of course, that doesn't mean I don't still want it...

I didn't eat enough today, but I don't feel deprived, so I'll just make out my grocery list and keep adding Dragon-Free foods to it. The gum is going to tug at me for a while I'm afraid. But I gave it all away at the office today so that it wouldn't tempt me so much. For now, I need to discover new flavors by the only method I know - doing without the usual ones. I discovered that cinnamon in black coffee after dinner is quite nice - even without cream or sweetener.

It's so weird that I'm cooking my own food. My house guests ate one of the chicken legs I had prepared last night. It got rave reviews, and I had thankfully prepared a lot of it.

I baked a lovely butternut squash tonight with only olive oil and cinnamon. I just didn't realize it's probably not a great choice due to higher carbs and virtually no fiber. Que sera, the house guests will love that too....and tomorrow I'll cook up the yellow squash and zucchini, which are much better choices.

I have Adele's recipes printed out and on my kitchen counter! I can't wait to try the soups - I'm a soup fiend and could eat every meal in liquid form (I'm just trying to change liquids!)

My emotions were mostly great today, but the first day is the easiest once you make the decision to start. It's exciting and it's just one day. I want to try to carry that one day feeling into every day, because every day presents a brand new opportunity to either do great things or completely mess up!

I had an unfavorable response to the yellow pepper I had today, so it may be too high in carbs. I felt pretty zonked this afternoon so I don't know if I'll risk having it again tomorrow.

I'm trying to be very conservative from the start. I feel certain that there are a lot of flavors I would cling to unnecessarily if I didn't force myself to start fresh without them.

Thanks for being here.

----------
Orvette

HW - 232.6
CW - 225.2
GW - 150

(orvette64@yahoo.com)

Orvette's Fitday

As I explored that, I thought of other things I resent having "drawn the genetic short straw" for, like pale skin that burns easily. While others frolic in the sun and come away with a glowing tan, I'm either slathering on sun screen or nursing a painful, maybe even dangerous, sunburn! Plus, my risk of getting skin cancer is greater. I hate that, but I can't change it.

Then I thought about the kids I've heard about who are afflicted with a condition that at first sounds ideal: they are unable to feel pain. They can literally put their hands on a hot burner and feel nothing. However, the result of this is that they can do material damage to their bodies without knowing it. Their poor parents cannot watch them closely enough as toddlers...and as adults, they have to examine their bodies constantly for wounds, scrapes, cuts, etc. that they may have received without feeling them.

I have an uncle who's always been very intolerant of anyone who struggles with their weight; he thinks of it as a character weakness. He refuses to have diet soda in the house, and when they have people over for dinner, you eat what they eat or nothing, period. So if it's all noodles, potatoes, beans, chips, brownies, etc., you'd better have eaten first or your choices will be to go hungry or cheat. Yet he always stays thin. He's active, but I know many very active people who retain weight. Recently, he had a chest pain scare at 55 yrs old and went to the hospital. He had a stint placed in an artery that was almost complately blocked. So, maybe he was hurting himself all these years with the junk food and just didn't know it. At least mine shows.

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Orvette

HW - 232.6
CW - 218.6
GW - 150

(orvette64@yahoo.com)

Orvette's Fitday

Last Edited on 2-Jul-2008 12:37 PM

You're not eating enough fat. That's not good.

Adele (142 this morning)
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168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 11+ years
Maintaining at goal 8+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Yep and calories in general. Shopping today and will look for pork side and fatty beef. Got a lotta buildin' to do! I started with an elimination mindset, what NOT to eat. Now I'm working on what to put IN!

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Orvette

HW - 232.6
CW - 214.8
GW - 150

(orvette64@yahoo.com)

Orvette's Fitday

I was scheduled for an all-day training for which lunch would be provided. Not trusting their food choices (thanks to you all!) I ate two scrambled eggs before I left the house and packed my lunch bag with 2 boiled eggs and lots of veggies.

It turns out that the provided lunch actually was good - baked skinless chicken breast in some kind of herb broth. I had that with a few sliced cucumbers and black olives.

About 1.5 hours later I was hungry again, so when we broke for a few minutes I pulled out my 2 eggs and ate those, then grabbed my carrots. The people around me and even the instructor commented on how "good" I was being. An hour later, when I pulled out my sliced yellow peppers, they were positively agog! I just said that I had to prepare to survive!

There were tons of carby snacks, fruits, and candy in the room with us all day, and I really wasn't tempted by any of them -- but only because I had my own stash!

It felt so great!
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Orvette

HW - 232.6
CW - 209.8
GW - 150

(orvette64@yahoo.com)

Orvette's Fitday

I'm making steady progress with my weight and I'm working on getting used to the idea that, like cigarettes, alcohol is something I should just avoid altogether. I still don't like that idea, but the trap is that the more I don't want to give it up, the more I'm proving to myself that I need to.

I attended a party the other night where everyone was having wine and a great time. I almost caved but just held off a while and then I was able to abstain. The host actually over-imbibed to the point of "napping" before the party was over. This is not a kid or a wreckless person, but a professional very competent and intelligent woman. It was actually good for me to be reminded of the "other side" of drinking. Besides, alcohol makes me fat, so there you go.

I still think about sweets too, but I can't control my use of that stuff and I know it. The other day at the movies I was tempted by popcorn. I knew I had to avoid it, so I snuck in some coffee. It was actually really nice!

Lately I've added cream and Sweet 10 to my coffee. I used to be able to drink black coffee, and if I have to I will, but even after a month I just didn't get to the point of liking it black, and I fully expected that I would. I've also been having butter on my vegetables, a couple ounces of cheese, and diet soda. I'm sure the diet soda is replacing the cocktails or beers I used to have after work. If these are getting in the way of my emotional detox process I guess I'll have to face that. But right now it's nice.

I have had weird swelling in the joints of my fingers over the past 2 years or so. It seemed to come from nowhere and has moved around to different joints. It's almost gone now but is still present in a couple of fingers. I tested negative for inflammatory arthritis, so I wonder if it's some kind of response to dairy, like Adele has reported. I haven't noticed my symptoms changing with the reintroduction of some dairy, but I may not have abstained for long enough to really get a clear view.

I'm keeping an eye on my weight hoping that my body will tell me if I'm getting off track. Feeling really good about the weight loss right now and it feels really powerful to not be gorging myself on cookies and pizza.

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Orvette

HW - 232.6
CW - 204.6
GW - 150

(orvette64@yahoo.com)

Orvette's Fitday

I don't feel like i have a whole lot to share, but thought I should check in.

I've gotten into a nice routine with my eating, and routines are good for me. I take my breakfast and lunch to work every day and have gotten quite used to just pulling it out when I'm hungry and not getting involved in the daily "what's for lunch" conversations of people around me. I do love Chinese food, which is popular around my work place. So one day I asked the restaurant if they would be able to make hot & sour soup without any sugar or corn starch. They said they could so I ordered some. It tasted and appeared to genuinely be without those ingredients and it was a lovely indulgence. After showing a gain of 1.5 pounds the next day, even though I drank about 130 ounces of water, I decided that the hot & sour indulgences would have to be very rare and I haven't had one since.

I'm most pleased that I'm still not drinking alcohol. Oh, I think about it, especially at the grocery store. But whenever I think about how I'd love to taste a beer or mixed drink, and how I'd love that little buzzy feeling from one drink, I remind myself of what goes with that: another drink. I was drinking morning and evening every day for months, gradually having increased the amount and frequency over the past 5 years or so. I just don't believe I would settle for one of any kind of drink. I wasn't a fall-down drunk; I hated having too much so that I felt spinny, but I was developing a heck of a tolerance. I was able to drink, depending on the grade of alcohol, two generous doubles in a typical evening and not feel "drunk." I used to get a little self-conscious out to dinner with friends when I would order a second Long Island Iced Tea and feel "fine." I believe those have about 4 shots of alcohol in them (I wasn't driving). My liver was having to process all of that alcohol every day. That left less functioning available for fat metabolism and was, well, just plain bad news for my liver!

Even as I write the above, I feel certain that I will try to think of a way to bargain it back in some way "when I get to goal" or some other meaningless benchmark. I hope that I will remember the pattern I was in and face that it will not change if I let alcohol in again. Even if it took several months or a couple of years (it wouldn't), I've seen how I would eventually be drinking. I can make excuses about my circumstances, which were indeed very tough for a while, but that didn't make me drink the way I did, and better circumstances won't keep me from it. I miss smoking (since January 2000) and I miss alcohol. But I believe that both will completely control me if I let them in. Like the quote from the movie Wargames: "The only winning move is not to play."

I envy people who can eat moderately and smoke and drink socially. But I'm not one of those people. I'm also not athletically gifted or a math wiz, such is life. I have other gifts, so perhaps it's a better use of my mental and emotional energy to dwell on those.

I drink more diet sodas than I need, and I still have cream and butter. I also have a serving of sugar free chewing gum at work in the afternoons. I took these all out for the first month of my plan but really missed the coffee with cream and the sweet fizzy sodas in the evenings. I don't crave gum at home, but at work it drove me crazy wanting to chew, and I can do without popcorn at the movies if I sneak in a Starbucks and chew a piece of gum. As long as I'm losing weight and not fighting cravings I'll allow these things. But my eyes are open and I know that as I get closer to goal I'm almost certainly going to have to tighten things up. I've purchased a few teas that I will be able to ice up later. And I found a brand of coffee that, at the right strength, tastes better black. I'm just not quite ready to make the shift.

I've gotten a bit better in tune with my body. Since limiting dairy I've noticed improvements I didn't expect. The swelling in my hands & knuckles that I didn't understand subsided almost completely, and my sinuses and voice are clearer consistently. Wish I'd have known that in high school and college when my vocal performance was everything... I also know when something I've had at a restaurant had something carby in it. After 30-60 minutes I'm "hungry" again. I soon realize I just need to eat more protein. That usually quiets it down, but of course it requires ingesting more calories. Fortunately, I don't eat out much, for both dietary and financial reasons.

I'm not as sensitive as Adele (at least not that I'm yet aware) but I'm glad to be reading signals better because my body is generally so much quieter. I e-mailed Adele about an issue that perplexed and worried me a bit, but you may disregard, Adele, things seemed to have resolved. I'm glad to read on your thread that your situation has improved. It took a lot of respecting your no-cheerleading philosophy to not post something encouraging. But then I remembered that you LWTD, so I knew you'd be just fine. ;)

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Orvette

HW - 232.6
CW - 194.8
GW - 150

(orvette64@yahoo.com)

Orvette's Fitday

I do enjoy that I'm consistently losing weight, and that is the only argument I need to make for low-carb eating. I don't have to make my case for it or quote the latest studies. It's just what I'm doing, and oh yes I'm losing weight and feeling terrific. Fortunately, no one is giving me any guff about it from anywhere, at least not to my face...

I've been aghast at the commercials for high fructose corn syrup lately - wow. Like it's a commodity you won't find in almost everything you pull off of a grocery store shelf. Anyway, I decided to visit Jimmy Moore's blog because I knew he'd have discussed these ads, and indeed he had. I looked around a little at all of the articles and links - good stuff really. But then I remembered what I'd always felt, when I'd been to that blog before, but maybe not consciously, it's LLOOUUDD! So much information, so many links, you feel like you're running around & around & around! I just wanted to stop, come over to Lead With the Diet, and check out an essay. Ahhhhh, now that's better. Nice & quiet & steady. Truth.

Thanks Adele.

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Orvette

HW - 232.4
CW - 192
GW - 150

(orvette64@yahoo.com)

Orvette's Fitday

Last Edited on 15-Sep-2008 10:25 AM

My employer sponsored a health fair today. I moved to a new state a few months ago and don't yet have a doctor, so I thought this would be a good opportunity to see where my numbers are - just basic blood sugar, cholesterol, etc. I've been following my eating plan for nearly 4 months, have lost 42 pounds, and have had no alcohol. I was ready for some new kind of tangible goods news.

Not to be.

My blood sugar was OK at 90, but it was fasting, so I was disappointed that it wasn't lower. Still, that wasn't a big deal. But my cholesterol tested at 286. The woman who did the test about came out of her chair! I told her that I'd lost 35 pounds since July, so it wasn't a poor diet. But then later I said, well my HDL might be unusually high because of the way I eat. She of course thought those were conflicting statements, but I didn't want to utter the words "low carb" because I didn't want the typical health care worker speech about a "balanced diet."

I will find a physician in my new home state so that I can get the specific HDL, LDL, and triglyceride numbers. But I sure didn't get the nice positive reinforcment I was hoping for!

If anyone has gotten cholesteral numbers while LWTD and wouldn't mind sharing their info, I'd appreciate it. Is it possible for my HDL to be as high as 60, 80 or more? The woman said that 60 is considered unusually good for HDL and even that would only lower my total cholesterol number from 286 to 226, which is still considered borderline high.

Wow, this really stinks.

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Orvette

HW - 232.4
CW - 190.4
GW - 150

(orvette64@yahoo.com)

Orvette's Fitday

I’ve been ruminating on how (or even if) I should to respond on your thread to what you’ve been doing, even before you posted this most recent frustration.

My take on this is that, not at all unlike Suzi here, your entire life/health situation is a matter of priorities. And through this health fair you had an unnecessary and potentially distracting moment of taking your eye off the big-picture ball in an attempt to get some potentially distracting, but to me relatively unnecessary, outside, “professional” confirmation or approval from a source that probably wasn’t given even a glimpse of your bigger picture. (That’s not what health fairs are for...)

Your diet is full of marginal choices. You’re eating about half the calories and including only one-THIRD of the fiber you should be getting each day. In the last 14 days you averaged 1,175 calories and only 8.5 grams of fiber! Although you’re losing weight, you’re doing it in large part by eating too little, by starving it off. Long term that has a strong likelihood (honestly, sadly, to me it’s a certainty) of biting you in the butt when your hunger and/or your emotional dam eventually breaks.

But right now, you’re off alcohol (except for hot and sour soup???) and while it’s not ALL that needs to happen for you to move toward better health and an improved quality of life, it’s a whole lot more important. I repeat, that’s right now.

I could be wrong and of course I can’t speak for you, but I suspect that what’s more important to YOU is that you’re losing weight and that “success” is helping you postpone dealing with the eventual decision of whether you can, or should, resume drinking alcohol.

Putting off that alcohol decision is, in some ways, the ONLY way to play this—it absolutely IS an important one-day-at-a-time decision/accomplishment. But it’s only a good and helpful way to play it as long as you continue deciding to abstain. None of us can know your future with that, that’s up to you—day after month after year.

So while you’re making THE MOST important change (no alcohol), you’re making another change that is only so-so, a diet that is in some ways probably slightly better than what you were eating before, but it’s far from strong and healthy. That these changes—not drinking and eating less poorly than you used to—are not translating to some kind of marked, measurable “success” with some vague (even somewhat controversial) blood testing number ... well I don’t think any of that is important GIVEN your BIGGER PICTURE.

So I return to what is to me the SINGLE most important thing for you right now which is not drinking. As long as you hold that, you'll continue to be in a better place life and health-wise, no matter what you weigh.

What I do worry about is that unless you improve it (instead of returning to drinking or eating crap when things become more challenging), your current weak diet is most likely to eventually enable/lead you back to drinking.

Now Orvette, instead of me explaining why I suspect that, I think it would be a lot more helpful both to you and to this discussion if you could tell me why I would think that?

Adele (141 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 12+ years
Maintaining at goal 8+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Given all you've been through lately, it means a lot that you are posting again.

I've gotten into a routine that's easy and mindless. I positively hate cooking and food prep, but I do a lot more of both now out of necessity than I ever thought I would.

My top priorities are not drinking alcohol and not eating crap. I do expect to get my weight under control - that's a big part of the reward for me. But my addictions are a separate battle that I will have to fight every day of my life - at goal weight or otherwise. I'm understanding these addictions now the same way that I came to understand my addition to nicotine. I can't have one cigarette, one beer, or one dish of ice cream. Dammit.

Some simple things I can think of to improve my diet:

* Add a couple of boiled eggs in the morning - I can take those to work.

* We've started having pot roast a lot. I can add a side veggie to those meals.

* Add a green salad - I lost my taste for these a while back and the greens were rotting in the fridge, but I can bring them back.

Thanks for taking the time and energy, both very precious to you I know, to review my diet and share your thoughts.

I'm proud to be abstaining from a whole lot of bad stuff, but I can appreciate how beneficial it would be for me to add in more good stuff!

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Orvette

HW - 232.4
CW - 188.8
GW - 150

(orvette64@yahoo.com)

Orvette's Fitday

I wanted to add something more today after re-reading your post. I believe I understand your concern to be that I'm using deprivation to lose weight faster as a diversion, at the risk (even certainty) of pushing myself back to drinking when I can no longer tolerate the deprivation.

I do feel deprived. I love smoking, drinking, junk food, and spending money (on jewelry especially). I recently read a book by Dave Ramsey that has helped me to go on a kind of "money diet." I closed every credit account I had and operate totally by cash now.

I believe that I have to deprive myself of cigarettes, new credit, alcohol, and most of the foods I dearly love to eat. Forever. Every time I think about how good popcorn smells or how much I love chocolate ice cream, I remind myself that it won't be one bowl, and it will make me fat and unhealthy. I'm sad about it, but I know it's true. I don't want to be fat and unhealthy any more. I'd rather live my life in deprivation but have my health and a slim body. I can't have it all. Some people can, not me. I don't crave things as strongly or often as I used to, but I will always want them.

Making myself prepare and eat more food than I actually want fills me with dread, mostly because I'm lazy and just hate doing it! I've actually wondered if my low caloric intake might start to stall my weight loss, but even that hasn't motivated me yet. I do believe that I can add more than I'm getting right now, and that it would be better for me, so I will heed your advice and make some changes.

My partner and I both purchased bikes (with cash) so I am slowly adding exercise too. Something new that I actually like!

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Orvette

HW - 232.4
CW - 187.8
GW - 150

(orvette64@yahoo.com)

Orvette's Fitday

Well, it was time for an update anyway, so I decided to talk about Adele's recent question while I'm at it!

I think we cheat because it seems so unthinkable that we could go through our lives without the foods we've become so emotionally attached to. Like losing an old, beloved friend - by choice. I still get a little panicky about not smoking ever again, but that's at least a socially acceptable thing. Never eating potatoes again, or apple pie? That's just downright freakish!

Someone asked me today: "You're going to have real food at Thanksgiving, right? I mean, some of everything?" I said: "Nope. Stuffing and pie are no longer part of my life, just like cigarettes are not." She as an ex-smoker accepted that a little better than I thought she would. It was a little frightening to hear myself say it; something in you wants to rebel, crying: "No, no, it's not true, it's just a bad dream, a joke! You can have some pie, of course you can, just like everyone else!"

But then I think about the fact that I'll be able to eat until I'm satisfied, without the bloat and guilt and gain I've experienced in so many years past. There's some good in this too, if you keep your eyes open and let the smoke of panic clear a little.

I'm at the point where I'm going to have to start force-feeding myself some things so that they become natural. I've just thrown away the 4th or 5th unopened bag of field greens that went bad in my refrigerator. After giving up so many yummy things, I have to say it's tough to start forcing myself to eat things I don't love. But I think that's part of the process. I'm eating for nourishment now, not emotional experiences.

I also find it difficult to force myself to do more food prep. Growing up is hard!

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Orvette

HW - 232.4
CW - 184
GW - 150

(orvette64@yahoo.com)

Orvette's Fitday