I have more to write and am maintaining my food and activity diary at fitday. In the meantime, I just wanted to make a start.

Barbara

HW 207
CW 174
GW 149

I'm sticking with my eating plan. My weight has remained the same the past few days and when it does move it moves in 1/2 pound increments. I'm taking that as a good sign that I'm near that state of equilibrium -- I'm not doing anything so radical that I might go up or down a couple of pounds and provoke some kind of reaction in myself to "do something different".

Even so, after three days at 174.5 I had a thought flash through my head of exercising more -- I don't need to do that just yet. I've paid attention to Adele's comments about creating a calorie difficiency that will come back and bite me and that makes a lot of sense to me. I walk about 3 miles 4 or five days a week and that's enough.

Two of my low-carb issues are cheese/dairy and nuts. They are things I enjoy a lot and always tend to overeat. At this point I don't miss them but it is hard to imagine deleting them from my eating forever. So I avoid thinking about those things and try to focus on doing.

My goal weight of 149 is based on what the charts say is the highest healthy weight for me -- at 155 or so I felt close to my optimal weight. I want to work on reducing muscle loss though and want to add some kind of weight training soon. My goal is to be at a healthy weight when menopause hits which will be over the next couple of years probably. That goal is really just wanting to be in the best possible place to weather those changes.
I've attached my fitday link below.

Have a very nice day everyone!

HW 207
SW 181
CW 174.5
GW 149
http://fitday.com/WebFit/PublicJournals.html?Owner=barbbo2

My eating has stayed on plan...sticking with lots and lots of vegs and plain meats. I seem to have been eating a lot of beef lately and plan to try and incorporate more poultry into my menu.

HW 207
SW 180
CW 174.5
GW 149

Well hello—again?—Barbara, and welcome. I’m sorry for my delay in responding here; I can only spend quality time here about once a week right now, with the other responsibilities I have currently, most especially tending to my 91-year-old father. I’ll have a little more time in a month, when I’m done working for the summer, but we’re also in the process of moving and putting a house up for sale in the next few weeks, we’ll just have to see how all that goes.

Anyway I’m flattered that you remembered and went looking for my writings when you decided (this time or for good??) to get serious about this. My approach/outlook hasn’t changed a bit since my Texas List days. And the bigger miracle is that neither has my weight!

I’m glad to hear you’re moving toward leading with food simplicity, I believe that’s an essential first step. AT THIS POINT in your journey I honestly don’t think it’s important that you’re in touch with your feelings. See Working on Our Issues (I adapted that essay from an old Texas post, as a matter of fact. Do you remember Lora? She was a CRL who spent a lot of time trying to control her daughter’s diet; I’ve often wondered what happened to her AND to her daughter, sigh)

In my opinion, you are doing exactly what you need to do right now, focusing almost exclusively on getting your diet clean and centered, learning how to make the sometimes-tough social/emotional decisions, taking the social risks that eating right 24/7/365, entails, no matter what or how you might be feeling. In time—YEARS—assuming you stay the course and your weight and health symptoms normalize, if it turns out that you’re like me and the other emotional eaters who I’ve attempted to help usher to and through to what I’ve termed the “retrofitting,” THEN you’ll most like find yourself facing your feelings on a whole new, “raw” level. (“If you build it, they will come.”) And when you get to that, we’ll talk about that—deal?

In the meantime, while I do think it’s always a good idea to vary your protein sources, please don’t become over-afraid of beef; and whatever you do, don’t start believing/behaving that you need to switch to lowfat meats to make this work well or better. Beef CAN occasionally be a problem for a few of us, but even for those of us who have that issue, FAT (along with vegetables) are still the “magic” of what makes lowcarb work so effectively.

I glanced briefly at your most recent Fitday entries. Looking ONLY at your ratios (and not the quality of your food choices) your best ratio day was 4/13. Other days your fat looks just a little low, percentage-wise. I wouldn’t advise taking that fat any lower.

Welcome aboard, and keep us posted Barbara!

Adele (143 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 11+ years
Maintaining at goal 8+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Thanks for your thoughts Adele -- I truly appreciate them and will look forward to more of this over time. No, I'm not worried about eating fattier cuts of meat -- only that I need to be sort of purposeful about incorporating a variety of foods into my intake. I'm lazy I guess and have the tendency to eat one thing for awhile until I can't face it any longer and that seems like a recipe for weakening my resolve.

I'm sticking to three meals a day and not skimping on the calories. 200 above my BMR seems to be exactly what keeps me on an even keel. I've been bringing a supply of hard-boiled eggs to work in case I do get hungry between meals -- and this week I haven't wanted them.

Right now eating seems pleasant to me but not the way it does when I'm not eating carefully -- then my thoughts seems to be truly driven by what to eat, how to get "enough", etc. This feels like freedom to me. Freedom to have a "grown up" relationship with food if that makes sense.

I've missed my evening walks so far this week (due to social stuff) and will catch up this evening. I'm going to Yosemite this weekend and will get a lot of walking in there.

Everyone have a great day!

HW 207
CW 171
GW 149

The scale has been wobbling in an upward direction and this morning it is 172.5. Last week at this time it was 171.

Last week I ate restaurant/prepared foods about five nights out of seven -- during the week it seemed like it would not be a problem as I had a couple of downward weight adjustments. This week I seem to be seeing the results of that eating and it doesn't feel good at all. I'm kind of pissed at myself.

For the past six days (since going to Yosemite) I haven't been recording my foods carefully in Fitday...at all.

There are a couple of pretty big things that happened last weekend. First it was a first anniversary for my boyfriend and I which I could prepare a plan for. Secondly, my younger brother's best childhood friend and good friend of our whole family was killed in an accident over the weekend. My attention has been elsewhere.

And truthfully, I was starting to have a couple of thought processes that I'm very familiar with. First, I was losing nicely and I started to think my "problem" was cured miraculously and I would never again have a problem with my weight or have to work hard at losing and maintaining. Very screwy kind of thinking but I do it again and again...I guess its kind of magical thinking. Secondly, I'm starting to feel a bit bored writing everything down and with my food options. I haven't been off plan but I haven't been Leading with the Plan and the results are that I'm just not happy with myself.

What is going well:
I'm sleeping better
My clothes are getting looser
I've been walking
I'm writing down what I eat in Fitday

Barbara

HW 207
SW 181
CW 172.5
GW 149

Overall Barbara, I’m seeing too much concern about your feelings. As much as you want to hurry up and figure this all out and get it done (and therefore finally “be happy”, right?) there can be no hurry, there IS no such state as “happy” (not the kind I think you’re aiming for, anyway), and there is no done. Honest.

Sure I’ve been “happy”, and I AM happIER—overall anyway—since I made this change. Heck, I had plenty of happy moments before I lost the weight. Yet I could still, with just a couple of bad decisions, slide back over to the other side.

I didn’t get to goal and stay there because I became happy about this. (Neither did Connie, I’d daresay.) I’m here because I do it despite my feelings.

I am probably never happy about having to eat this way. I still hate the hell out of it sometimes. It’s annoying, inconvenient, awkward, isolating, saddening at times. But I’ve learned to ignore all those (sorta irrelevant) feelings when they come flitting through me, and just do the do part. The feelings, no matter WHAT they happen to be at any given moment, including even feeling euphorically HAPPY, will pass. All feelings flit.

The only change you need to be concerned about is your food choices. Please stop expecting your feeling patterns, your mind (including the proclivity for bargaining) to change and stay changed. The behavior change you need to enforce is that you do the diet no matter what your feelings happen to be—that you stay ahead of yourself and your food decisions so you make sound ones every time.

You entered here saying you wanted to get a stable start. You’ll find few successes who would say eating out often is helpful, even at goal. Restaurant meals, in general, set me back 1-2 weeks. I also have to wonder, given the current US economic conditions, if you make a habit of wasting money?? An advance plan (which takes less than 2 minutes at my house, it’s mostly taking a package of meat out of the freezer the day before I want to use it) can save a whole lot of money. Cooking in larger batches, which leaves “planned” leftovers, leaves fewer meal decisions and lower energy use too.

Unless I am traveling, which thankfully is rare, I’ll bet I eat in a restaurant no more than once a month. And with the current state of the economy, I’m working to make it even less than that. It’s no treat to me to spend 3-5 times on a meal than I could make it for myself. You might want to think about taking advantage of the high cost of eating out, by rejecting it on those terms alone.

I know you can make it better for yourself Barbara. And I hope you’ll keep us posted.

Adele (143 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 11+ years
Maintaining at goal 8+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Last Edited on 4-May-2008 12:07 PM

Barbara

HW 207
SW 180.5
CW 169.5
GW 149

Have a great day!
Barbara

HW 207
SW 180.5
CW 169.5
GW 149

HW 207
SW 180.5
CW 169
GW 149

Barbara

And that was/is my point exactly...? It doesn’t matter how happy (or unhappy!) you are. I clearly see you (unconsciously) trying to navigate this by continually gauging how you FEEL about all of it, expecting to bring (control!) YOUR FEELINGS to a point of, at the very minimum, being more happy (happy enough?) doing it than not.

... But still, the truth was there that I wanted to be convinced I would be happy following the plan that works for me for the rest of my life. That I would always feel good about it and be good at it.

I can’t convince you of that because it isn’t true.

And I submit that you do not need to—and WILL NOT—always feel happy or positive about this, even when it works, maybe even ESPECIALLY when it works. (I sure don’t!) What I think you need to learn—by actually doing it for a long time—is how to feel and abide all kinds of unpleasant, negative emotions about this and eat mindfully and clean straight through all of that anyway. Lead With The Diet, get it? (grin)

The reality that struck me this morning is that I need to focus on being EFFECTIVE at following the plan.

Y’think? (very big grin). Barb, if you’ve known me since my days on the Texas list, you’ve been at this a very long time without ever getting where you claim you want to be going. Are you gonna do this or not? (Notice I didn’t ask “do you WANT this or not?”) Although I don’t know your specifics, isn’t the big picture that you’ve been—with your body-weight journey anyway—spinning in circles for many years?

Although we can’t yet know the exact diet formula that your snowflake-body is going to need for your weight (and most likely your health too) to drift down and normalize, the necessary facts are in front of you (if you will only see) that the lowcarb diet/life you been envisioning and trying and WISHING would work just isn’t going to. And that isn’t because you’re not feeling “positively enough” about it or wishing hard enough, see?

Last weekend you “tried on” (again?) the “happy” idea of having a little dairy on the weekends, right? And while you were happy to be able to eat some dairy, you are not happy about what it seems to have done to your “project”. You say it will take a couple of days to get back...I’d imagine it’s going to take more like 5-10...at which time, I just have a hunch, you are at least hoping to ... do (try?) it again. Doesn’t that translate to “lather, rinse, repeat....”? [Side Hint: that reaction is a sign of the yeast wall...]

You stated earlier you’re pretty sure you have trouble with dairy and nuts. These, along with “healthy” fruits and grains, are the favorite bargaining chips of the vast majority of addicted lowcarbers closing in on goal Barb. They were mine, they were Connie’s. Isn’t this the same do-or-die place you’ve found yourself stuck repeatedly in the last 4-6 years?? And thus far—for how many years now?—you’ve chosen to march in placle or go backwards ... we know, just a little, so you’ll FEEL better.... SO far you’ve chosen to on the merry-go-round. I’m pretty sure weekend dairy isn’t going to be your “salvation”. Neither, most likely, are nuts and probably not fruit or grain. They are your sticking place, your undoing point.

You’ve hit (probably a long time ago) the final, EXTREMELY challenging final layer of weight loss Barb. It’s when you need to really figure out about your individual body. When you need to SEPARATE that from everything else, I think most especially, your feelings. Isn’t that, so far, is your chronic stumbling place?

I don’t know exactly what your body is going require from you, I only know how you can find it. What I don’t know is if you’ll be able to do that and NOT eventually turn that “information” tool into a more deep and serious ricocheting pattern...not unlike the pattern newly-at-goal Laina and Joy may be quietly slipping into, the way Nikki can’t seem to find her way back out of, the way Suzi was constantly trying to bargain alcohol back into her life, and the way Christina, who seems finally weary enough of it that she just may be able to finally turn it around for herself. Because they—NONE of us really—don’t WANT to, and they haven’t let themselves LEARN how to eat this way without any emotional FOOD “relief” from it.

I think we have to learn that we don’t NEED the kind of emotional relief we’ve built for ourselves. We need to mostly learn that our emotions will almost always SELF-relieve!!! (if we will just abide and see that...)

So Barb are you going to go around the mulberry bush again, or are you ready and willing to follow a different path to a different, new and, yes, SCARY, even somewhat unpleasant—place? A place of learning a new, kinder, gentler way to “manage” your emotions, that don’t need nearly as much “management” as you keep bringing to them?

So yes, your new aha FEELING about this is correct. You do need to focus on (being effective at) DOING.

What are you planning to eat this weekend Barb? (grin)

Adele (143 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 11+ years
Maintaining at goal 8+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Adele thanks for everything you wrote. I certainly need to see it. I'm in kind of an interesting spot. I've continued with a little dairy and I've lost...but the whole think about dairy is once I've had a little I want it at every meal. Don't crave it...don't snack on it but I want coffee with cream each morning and I just had some.

In the past I would tend to disagree about the yeast wall...I've never thought I had those kinds of issues...but why the heck do I want that dumb cream so much? Something to consider for sure. Thanks and I will keep posting my journey. Have a great day all.

Barbara
HW 207
ST 180.5
CW 167.5
GW 149

I had a moment of such clarity after I logged off. I could choose to let the cream be my undoing or I could decide not to play that game with myself anymore. I don't drink coffee anymore...I prefer green tea with a little stevia in it anyway. And I don't drink or use cream anymore.

Barbara
167.5 this a.m.

Barbara

HW 207
ST 180.5
CW 167
GW 149

Wow, what a fast week. Last weekend was interesting. My boyfriend's daughter was married...that meant lots of food and socializing and a little stress in the air (not mine, though). I ate just fine through the rehearsal dinner, reception and brunch the following day. A couple of things happened though that I did not plan for. First with so many activities and things to get done -- lunch was missed on both Saturday and Sunday. I felt slightly hungry but there was nothing available either day so I waited until dinner to eat. I knew the menus ahead of time and knew exactly what I would be eating at each meal so that was okay. But the lesson from this is to have a plan!!! I should have some hardboiled eggs in the refrigerator at home for instant portable protein and fat. The second thing I didn't plan for was a second glass of champagne at the reception. Truthfully I planned the first one...the second one I took in a what the hell moment, perhaps because of skipping lunch). So I made a couple of bad decisions that could have gotten me really screwed up. After the long weekend I got back to basics...hardboiled some eggs to have in the frig at work and made meals in advance.

I've maintained my abstinance from coffee and cream. Like any addict...I think about coffee & cream and even relive drinking it in flashes. Otherwise, I don't go there in my thoughts. Getting the dairy out is the right thing for me though. My weight started drifting down about a week after I quit and the upward fluctuations have stopped. I've been at 164.5 for the past two am's. I have about 15 more pounds to my goal of 149.

I have made no progress on last week's decision to walk more and drink less soda. I don't just want to blow these things off so I'm mentioning them again.

Have a great weekend,
Barbara

HW 207
SW 180.5
CW 164.5
GW 149

I'm having a strange week, weight and eating wise. My weight stayed smack on 164.5 (my current low) for about seven days. Tuesday, I made an enormous pot of the cabbage and ground been saute. I love this and Make it every 2-3 weeks. I have a hard time sticking to a reasonable portion which is why I don't make it more often. It feels like comfort food to me and I enjoy that a little too much. The next a.m. I was up .5 pound -- probably due to a lot of salt and I had about 200 calories over my daily max. Wednesday, I made a large fillet of salmon -- ate two pieces and felt hungry later in the evening. I couldn't face more salmon so I scrambled an egg and ate it with some salsa. This is the first time I can remember feeling hungry (the can't think of anything else hunger) since I started. Last night I had planned on eating salmon again but had a CRAVING for bacon. I ended up eating scrambled eggs and a truly gross amount of bacon. To sum it up...my weight stayed stable and I felt really stable for a week or so...then some piece changed and I became hungrier than usual for the past 3-4 days -- eating 200+ additional calories each day. I haven't had cream or cheese and I can't think of anything I ate that could have triggered this. So far today I am right on plan which is where I plan to stay and ride this out.

Have a great weekend,

Barbara

HW 207.5
SW 180.7
CW 165.5
GW 149.0

Take care and have a wonderful weekend!

Barbara

HW 207.5
SW 180.5
CW 163
GW 149

I'm down one pound since my last entry. However, I actually gained in 1/2 pound increments over a few days the past week. I ended up at 165. I noticed that I seemed to be slightly puffy and wonder if something I ate caused me to retain a little extra water. It was a very busy week and my eating wasn't as clean as it could be...had some processed meats and a bunless hamburger from McDonalds one night before class. Anyway, over the weekend I ate cleanly and the extra weight came off plus the additional pound. I'm feeling challenged by organizing a portable evening meal before I go to school twice a week -- looking and thinking of ideas for that. I did walk about five times last week -- shorter walks because its been very hot here -- over 100 most days and I wait until it cools off some to head out. I like it when I get things more consistent and regular walking is something that feels good on a whole bunch of levels.
A somewhat challenging event was planning a wedding shower for a young co-worker -- We served a cake that used to be one of my favorite kinds. At this moment I can pretty much look at it, acknowledge that I've enjoyed it and leave it at that. It almost doesn't seem like food to me. I like it like that...I really don't want to go to the place where I take a piece and wonder how piggish I'll look and feel if I take a second piece and how crappy I would feel after eating something like that. I like that my behavior around food is healthier...I feel healthier...I feel better mentally and I feel a sense of pride that I'm choosing something that can be difficult but is so rewarding in so many ways.

Hope everyone has a good week,
Barbara

HW 207
SW 180.5
CW 162
GW 149

I take a full-size meal and a snack with me every time I go to work (which I do 3-4 days a week during the school year, and 1-2 days a week in the summers.) I take them even when I’m pretty sure I won’t need them—just in case. Like everything else about this, it’s generally a lot simpler than we anticipate, it’s mostly getting into a kind of rhythm with it. There are two giant aids to this: 1. large-batch cooking; it fixes it so we almost always have leftovers to work with; 2) aluminum foil. Seriously. No way could I have endured this journey if I’d had to wash many meat roasting pans.

I discuss this way of life with food in the article The Click and the Plan

Here are some everyday things I do to manage:

I broil 3-4 large pieces of salmon every time I make it—one to eat now and two to eat later, chilled. (My husband does not eat fish, otherwise I would cook 5-6 large pieces at a time.) I cook 6-8 chicken thighs at a time; 2-3 pounds of ground meat or sausage patties; always make at least a double batch of everything. Last night I cooked two flank steaks, we ate some for dinner and I have enough leftovers for a couple of days. While I don’t use them myself, it certainly wouldn’t be a horrible thing to use cans or packets of tuna, salmon or chicken.

I also make large batches of frozen vegetables. For instance, cooking, then draining frozen spinach is especially messy, but it’s pretty much the same size mess for twice the amount of spinach. I do the same thing with frozen green beans. I rarely make fresh beans because they’re too much work to clean and trim, I always make at least 3 servings, one to eat hot, and two more to put with leftover meat to pack and go. I cook broccoli two bunches at a time. Energy and time-saving. Broccoli is the staple vegetable that I almost always use fresh—I can taste a huge difference in the frozen (although I do keep some frozen on hand in case there’s no decent broccoli on hand...). I make sautéed fresh spinach with garlic often, but not to take on the road. Same with asparagus and zucchini.

A hunk of fish, chicken or meat + a large serving of vegetables = one “clean” meal to go when put in a take-along container. Thus, most of my cooking renders 3 or more meals. (By the way, I use large-ish containers, my meals are not tiny.)

I hard boil eggs 6 at a time (using old-ish eggs—they peel better, I actually have a rotation system in my fridge to let eggs age for that purpose). When I want a salad I take a head of romaine, slice/chop it into bite size (tearing it by hand takes too long), chop a few baby carrots, sometimes some peppers, onions and tomato, and put a hard boiled egg into the slicer, throw it all in a bowl and toss with salt, pepper and olive oil. (If I’m taking the salad on the road I leave out the salt until eating time because that will help keep the lettuce from weeping.) Add a hunk of whatever meat I (always!) have on hand and presto, a CLEAN to-go meal is ready.

Each meal I eat does not need to be five-star cuisine. Sure I prefer hot salmon and freshly roasted chicken to cold, but I can and will eat it both ways AND even at room temp if that’s what it happens to be. Cooking/eating like this takes LESS work than trying to figure out and execute fancy menus, LESS time and expense and perhaps most important, LESS emotional energy than going to a restaurant and trying to make food decisions when I’m hungry and pressed for time, trying to find something, um, adequate. I don’t put myself in that position anymore.

Consistently clean meals bring their own quiet rewards that are worth a surprisingly small amount of work.

Adele (141 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 11+ years
Maintaining at goal 8+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

I'm down a pound and a half this week. Its been a tumultous week for me emotionally for a few reasons. I had a presentation to make in my computer science class and I decided to get it over with and signed up for the first time slot. It went well and I'm sure glad to have it over with but I stressed about it for a couple of days. That along with some other facts of life seemed to have me on an up and down rollercoaster of emotions. I'm glad to be on this plan for food didn't become an issue. I ate just as I have been for the past few months. Its a comfort to have that in place. I'm still loosey-goosey about planning my evening meals on school nites. I will need to schedule time to prepare ahead. Lately, I've been consistent about scheduling blocks of time on my calendar to complete tasks at work. I'm finding that this works well for me. Write it down and I will follow through.

I'm also glad that I'm weighing everyday and posting in Fitday. I like to use the reports feature to see how I'm really doing. For the past four months I've had an average weight loss of 1.35 pounds per week which is fine. However, if I weren't tracking it wouldn't be as clear to me that the trend is downward. Most days my weight doesn't fluctuate at all but I'm finding that I usually have one day a week where my weight will fluctuate up by .5 to 1.5 pounds and the next day returns to the baseline and within a day or so I will have a loss. I'm not sure what that's about but if I weren't tracking my weight daily it would be a bit confusing. With all the veggies I consume each day I also find it gratifying to run the FitDay nutrition reports and see that I'm meeting the RDA for most vitamins most of the time -- that kind of reinforces for me that I'm doing my body good!

I've lost 21 of the 31.5 pounds I'd set as my goal. I've recently been able to wear some of my size 8 slacks that I purchased a couple of years ago -- 8 is the smallest size I've worn as an adult and I'm not sure I'll get into a smaller size than that based on my frame but we'll see where 10 more pounds takes me -- I wear a larger size in tops though...I do have a couple of button down shirts in medium that I've been able to wear in the past couple of weeks. It is a pleasure to be able to dress in the mornings without the angst of trying to find anything that fits.

That's where I am...hope everyone has a safe and happy 4th of July weekend.

Barbara

HW 207
SW 180.5
CW 159.5
GW 149

Time to go bake some chicken.

Barbara

HW 208.5
SW 180.5
CW 158.0
GW 149.0

Well Barbara I’m with ya on everything except not missing the old ways. Maybe that’s not a big deal, but I think it’s kind of important to remember that missing them (a feeling) IS gonna come up sometimes. But as you’re learning through doing, it doesn’t mean we have to act on those fleeting feelings.

I do agree that it’s all about choosing long term (and yeah sometimes boring) benefits over short term when the simple facts are that some moments we can’t have both.

I hope that you’ll check in again soon.

Adele (141 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 12+ years
Maintaining at goal 8+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com