I was an average girl, not fat but not skinny. I've always had a butt and thighs but I ate very healthy. In fact, my grandmother used to hide the cucumbers and tomatoes in her room so that I wouldn't eat them as afterschool snacks and not leave enough for a dinner salad. Then I met my ex-husband and my life changed drastically. Within two years of meeting him I gained over seventy five pounds. When I left him ten years later, I lost some of the weight. But I had picked up a very bad habit of purging. I had gallstones and purging was the one thing that made the attacks cease. I had my gallbladder removed, but the purging didn't stop. I had a very bad relationship with food. I did eventually loose all the weight a was a decent 142 pounds, but I was always fearful of gaining even one pound.

Then I became pregnant and I stopped purging. I put my baby's health above my need to purge. I gained a respectible 40 pounds and lost all but ten within six months of the birth. Then I had my second child, gaining another forty pounds. But this time I only lost 20 pounds. And there I was still 180 pounds four years later. How long could I hold on to the excuse that I had had a baby. How long!

I found the Atkins diet in 2004. It was great. I went on vacation and didn't eat any of the three birthday cakes bought for me. I had no cravings for sweets. I did so good for nine months. I was 15 pounds away from my goal weight of 135. I decided to start the next phase, OWL, with popcorn. Popcorn! What was I thinking. I was thinking with my stomach and not my head. I gained 10 pounds in a few months. So, I went back to Induction. It seemed that I couldn't get below 150 again, so, I started exercising twice a day. After the vacation, during which I did not have any birthday cake again, I fell off the wagon again. I was so depressed. And I went back on induction, again. Then every few months I would "plan" a weekend of cheating. I would buy the 6 rolls of ciabata from Costco and take them home. All six would be gone by Sunday night. Sometimes my cheating would last for weeks. Last year I completely gave up. I went back to eating any and every thing. Bread was my life! But man cannot live on bread alone. Late last year I found a faith-based program that work for several of my friends at church. I thought this could be the answer. But I was not ready for that. The first couple of weeks I did great. Then I reached a critical point and I could not do it any more. I would convict myself on Monday but by thursday, I was eating anytime, whether I was physically hungry or not. Everyone in the program talked about being able to eat candy everyday. So, I started eating candy and nuts. That was my afternoon snack: one candy bar or two and about half a cup of trail mix with the M&M's. Now I was 194 pounds and my eating was out of control. I craved every and anything made with flour and sugar. I was so unhappy. I knew that what I was doing was not working, but I just couldn't seem to stop myself.

About three weeks ago I realized that the lowcarb life was the only way for me to control myself. I could not do it any other way. I mulled over this for a week, then I started the program. I've began a new life. This time I know that after induction I have to approach OWL with a pure heart and head. And I've found this site and plan to use it to the fullest. I am a habitual restarter. That is great news to hear because once you know, you know. And once you know you can take steps to change. Also, I know that I need to get off induction sooner, rather than waiting until I am within 10 pounds of my goal weight. I need to choose my food very carefully. I am lactose intolerant and being on lowcarb does not change that. I cannot have any milk or cheese. I used to think that I could have heavy cream. There is no lactose in cream, right? But I now realize that I cannot have that either.

I love the fitday website. This is the first time I have ever recorded what I ate. After posting my food intake for a few weeks, I will comback to request Adele and/or Connie's advice.

I am getting exercise by walking my kids to and from school, but I need to accept that I may have to do more that just that. I have never been truly accepting of exercise. Granted, I used to lead a VERY sedentary lifestyle, but all that has changed since I don't have a vehicle. I have to walk and take the bus.

Last Edited on 1-Sep-2007 8:53 AM

I know my addictive eating certainly DID affect my spiritual beliefs and underpinnings, because it got in the way of everything else in my life, including the spiritual. That’s what addictive behaviors and substances do to the people who become entangled in them, it’s a false place around which we attempt to center our lives and ourselves.

And I guess I think that IF you are a Believer (and it sounds as if you are), then perhaps it’s that as such, you can just trust, just rest assured that God (or whatever you call the force you believe in) will be lovingly and understandably “standing by you,” sort of quietly rooting for you in the corner of your life that you’ll conquer this behavior pattern that stymies you from doing better for yourself AND others, the behavior pattern that stymies you from being a positive force for yourself and others.

This time I know that after induction I have to approach OWL with a pure heart and head.

LaVergne, honestly I don’t think what’s in your heart and head is nearly as important as what’s in your hands going up to your mouth.

I am a habitual restarter. That is great news to hear because once you know, you know.

Well knowing is nice, but lots of people who have come and gone here KNOW. Knowing is no guarantee that you will DO...forever. Doing takes a plan and an almost blind commitment to following that abstinent plan.

I know that I need to get off induction sooner, rather than waiting until I am within 10 pounds of my goal weight.

As a habitual restarter I think you should skip induction entirely and proceed to A Better Approach for Chronically Restarting Lowcarbers

And then PLEASE don’t choose corn, or any other grain, before goal or after. If you’ve got a problem with “bread”, chances are about 100% you have a problem with what, corn, rice, barley, oats, rye, millet, spelt, teff, and perhaps even flax and whatever “new” grain and grain-like foodstufss are out there. We’ll get to all that if you stick around and work this to an abstinent place LaVergne.

As for your exercise, as I mentioned to Jenn just yesterday, I think what you’re doing now is enough, that’s not the big thing that’s broke, that’s not the thing that needs any fixin’, certainly not just yet. We can look at that later, as your journey unfolds. Lead ALL of it with an abstinent diet, Lavergne. That’s enough for now, honest. The rest will come, if you build it on the abstinent foundation.

Adele (143 this morning)
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168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 10+ years
Maintaining at goal 7+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Last Edited on 27-May-2007 1:47 PM

I have read quite a few of the essays and articles. I have been logging all of my meals on fitday.com. Then I found the recommendations for the daily percentage for fats, protein and carbs. Now this has become more challenging. Then I read that I needed to subtract the fiber when using fitday.com. I found out that I was really not eating enough carbs and too much protein.

So, now I have a few questions: Should I give up mayonnaise? We always buy cold-pressed olive oil, but how do you mask that strong taste [and it is overwhelming when placed on a salad]? Can I have the light olive oil, even if it is not cold-pressed?

And we're still walking.

L_A_Vern
HW = 205
SW = 195
CW = 184
GW = 125

Hi LaVergne, and thank you for your kind words...

If someone gave me the job to re-write and improve Atkins, I would include mayonnaise on the list of Special Category Foods. My observation is that, especially for VERY overweight people, decades from a healthy body weight, mayonnaise can be a helpful TRANSITIONAL, TEMPORARY “crutch” toward better, cleaner eating.

But it’s also a little like Nikki posted on Sonja’s thread that she can eat all the foods that are in her mock Danish (not sure what that is, lol) but when she puts them together in that combination, they cause problems. I once had a similar thing happen to with a “pancake” I made (right after I’d had some dental work) with only egg and almond flour and some salt, it turned (in my addict’s brain??) to CORNBREAD and I gobbled it all down (2 large servings, that is) and I would have/could have eaten 4 more servings, and I pined after more more more for about a week.

So I guess if I were you, I’d use mayonnaise only occasionally and sparingly. If you call it “MY” mayonnaise, there’s a subtle clue it’s too important to you (grin). I have seen more than one lowcarber undone by mayonnaise.

On the olive oil, ideally cold pressed “extra virgin” is best—mainly because it’s not chemically extracted; that is also true of various oils (usually only found in health food stores) that says it’s “expeller pressed”. All other oils (including the oil in commercial mayonnaise) is chemically extracted. That said, I just cannot stand the taste of EVO either, I use the light type myself.

I hope you’ll keep us posted.

Adele (143 this morning)
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168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 10+ years
Maintaining at goal 7+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Now, I just have to get a scale for my home. I've been weighing myself mon-fri only at the gym at work. I haven't had one in about 15 years because I didn't want to be "addicted" to weighing myself. Even when I did Aktins before and did weight myself regularly, I still didn't buy a scale for my home. Now I really understand how we avoid the truth when we don't get on the scale. I mean really, can all of my pants really shrink that much? I am going to buy one.

So, after reading the message from Adele about mayonaisse, I wasn't going to cut it out. But I bought some light olive oil and good italian wine vinegar and I really stopped using the mayonaisse for the most part.

The only thing I am sure that I need to cut out now is the crystal light lemonade that I drink sometimes. I make sure I get at least 8, if not 10, cups of water a day, but I still want the lemonade in the afternoons. However, I have noticed that I get bloated afterward. So, I am thinking that's my body's signal that I don't really need that. I have not had any problem with the decaf coffee and 1.5T sugarfree Int'l delight creamer. I make a whole cup but only drink about half.

So, my challenges recently have been: incorporating a larger variety of veggies into my diet, getting more than 20 grams (after deducting fiber) of carbs a day.

It is just something I have to consciously work on until it become second nature.

L_A_Vern
HW = 205
SW = 195
CW = 179
GW = 125

Crystal Light is a strikingly common problem among CRLs LaVergne, it’s up there with peanuts/peanut butter, processed meats and Splenda. It contains dextrose, and it is essentially fake food, chemical cuisine. It’s a grain derived food and LaVergne, could you just trust me that, given your history, your body is trying pretty hard to tell you it can’t handle grain products? More importantly, dextrose and all the other chemical substance names ending in OSE on that Crystal Light label (which are all powdered CORN SYRUP in various incarnations) will keep your dragon at least mildly agitated.

As a healthier step to moving away from this, if you feel you need that, how about substituting a fresh squeezed lemon into some water and ice, and sweetening it with either pure stevia powder (available at good health food stores) or liquid saccharin (such as Sweet 10, available in most grocery stores). It might not taste quite as good/sweet as the chemical concoction, but you could look at that as a positive thing—that will make it somewhat easier to move away from if/when you’re ready for that. Made with the stevia, it would be 100% real food, as opposed to 100% fake. Not ideal real food for a lowcarber, but certainly a big step in a better direction.

I have not had any problem with the decaf coffee and 1.5T sugarfree Int'l delight creamer. I make a whole cup but only drink about half.

My view of the creamer is the same as the Crystal Light, it’s essentially 100% chemical. A slightly more natural substitute would be a tiny amount of sugar-free DaVinci liquid flavored-sweetener “syrup” (available usually with the coffee in the grocery store), and a touch of real half-and-half. The other step here, in my opinion, would be to try to get yourself to begin drinking at least a few sips of the coffee before you put anything else in it, if for no other reason than to just begin getting used to the idea of that. Long term, a gradual switch to black coffee helps a whole lot of people a whole lot.

It’s just terrific to hear that your body is responding so well to the changes you’re making LaVergne. The changes I suggest here...well, just like for everyone else, it’s all your call, including the timing with which you do, or do not, adopt the suggestions. I do think that what you are already beginning to see is how changes toward natural are the changes that our bodies adore and respond so well to. If this journey has taught me anything it’s that our bodies are quiet little miracles capable of an astounding amount of healing and health, when treated with respect and patience and with the kindness of mindful, natural foods, when we cease the abuses we have been heaping on them. (And yes, we can still abuse our body with a lot of “lowcarb” foods.) Over and over I’ve seen bodies slowly reveal to us how worthy of our trust (and LOVE!) they can be if we will just stop trying to force them to handle what WE think we want, what we think they have to have, instead of what they need to thrive.

Keep us posted LaVergne!

Adele (144 this morning)
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168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 10+ years
Maintaining at goal 7+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

And Adele, I love water with a squeeze of lemon.

I am still struggling with getting enough carbs. I usually manage to get from 20-25 grams after deducting fiber. I have about 6 cups of lettuce everyday with tomatoes and cucumbers. I added 3 cups raw spinach to my salads to up the carbs and the fiber. And, I started adding broccoli to dinner.

One interesting item: on Sunday, I was out with the family. I had not eaten before we left the house. The store we were in had hot dogs and the usualy other high carb fare. I wasn't feeling well and knew that I needed to eat something. I got a hot dog sans bun. That was terrible. I immediately got indigestion. Then I remembered that I had some unsalted in-the-shell peanuts in my bag that I packed for my kids. So, I ate about 30 nuts. I just knew that I was blowing my "diet." But I was two pounds lighter on Monday morning. I entered my food in fitday.com and was shocked to see I had only eaten 40 grams of carbs.

I noticed that I didn't go over board with the nuts either. I shared the nuts with my daughter, I ate enough to get rid of the shakes, I had some left over and that was it. Usually I would eat nuts until I passed out. (lol)

No more hot dogs. Especially since I had noticed that although I buy hebrew national for my family, even those, that supposedly have no fillers, were giving me indigestion.

So, how many nuts can I eat in a day? Should I add berries to my diet? If so, how many or what is a serving? And I avoid carrots like the plague. I remove them from soups or any salads that I buy. Can I eat carrots? Or should I save these for when I am closer to my goal?

Thanks for your time, your words of wisdom, your selfless nature. The journey continues.

LaVerne
CW = 173
SW = 195
GW = 125

Last Edited on 28-Jun-2007 8:02 PM

Well LaVergne, again this is all your call, but if I were to attempt to include any nuts regularly, peanuts would not even make the list of choices. Peanuts are not true nuts, they are legumes, and in 11 years I honestly cannot recall a single CRL being able, long-term, to hold the line on peanuts or even 100% natural peanut butter—quite the opposite in fact.

If I were to add any nuts at all it would be whole, raw almonds. If you tend to not eat enough calories as opposed to too many (CRLs come in both flavors, lol), your snowflake-body might also do okay with macadamia nuts, but only in occasional, extremely small quantities. If on a “blank” day of Fitday you enter almonds as the only food choice, the fat-carbohydrate-protein balance (shown on the pie chart Fitday provides) comes out almost perfect for a lowcarber; if you do the same thing with the same amount macadamia nuts you can observe the pie chart and it comes out much higher in fat, lower in fiber. In my observation, the macs might only be a better choice if you tend to run low on fat and calories.

You have a higher likelihood of being able to handle true, “tree” nuts, IF you can hold yourself to a line—of not eating them every day, and being able to tightly control the quantities. Honestly, CLRs, especially at your stage of the game, usually cannot.

I know you did what you had to do during the incident when you ate the peanuts, but honestly the bigger, and in my opinion fundamental lesson here is that you simply must change your life routines to the place where you NEVER leave home without having eaten, or without having suitable food with you. For instance, even though in the summers I generally eat breakfast at 7 or 7:30, I had to drive a relative to the airport this morning at 6:30. I got up at 5:30 mostly so I could eat breakfast first. I was home by 7:15, sure I COULD have waited to eat until then, but eating breakfast beforehand took care of a lot of potential “emergencies” that could have come up once I left home. It’s automatic now, my food comes FIRST. I don’t see or live this as selfish, no one except me was inconvenienced, it’s prudent and self-supporting, no more selfish than dressing before I leave the house.

Carrots are also an individual call. My body does fine—great—with them, always has although I didn’t add them until maintenance. I can easily limit carrots, I eat them most days but don’t overdo them. I find they help me keep my carb and fiber counts up. But I have also seen a lot of CRLs find both carrots AND nuts to be what we sometimes call “borderline” or “gateway” foods. Connie (my mostly silent partner these days, although she and I did spend a lovely day together earlier this week) reports on her thread that she sometimes gets herself into trouble with both carrots AND almonds. These are the iffy foods that some of us BEGIN the rationalization dance with, the dance that always ends up in the refrain “oh what the hell, I might as well...”

Your fear of carrots is common, I’ve always chuckled a little at new lowcarbers who will pick 4-6 carrot slices out of a salad and add ¼ cup of cheese instead. I do think, especially in small amounts in soups and salads, they are usually fine—they are (paleo-correct!) vegetables—which in my book are the best kind.

With both nuts and carrots, I think a lot of it for CRLs is the hand-to-mouth, ritual-like, “soothing” crunch, crunch, crunch that can quietly begin leading us back down the path to numbness, a food trance. The thing about nuts vs. carrots is that because of the extreme calorie difference, you can much more quickly get in a whole lot of calorie trouble with nuts. In other words, a carrot binge will lead to a stall, a nut binge will lead to weight GAIN. NO binge is the better place.

As to your question about berries, well, I’d proceed carefully with these too. You’re already taking in some fruit (lemon juice) daily, that’s probably enough. More importantly, the CRL pattern is to keep pushing the envelope with foods that are not pure meats or vegetables, I think a lot of that is the dragon banging on the bars, looking for loopholes. YOU know YOURSELF best, I’d urge you to take a hard, honest look at the patterns you’ve engaged in before, the patterns and where they always eventually led you.

In your first post here you said I need to choose my food very carefully.

I agree. Remember that honey.

I’d keep pushing the real vegetables, the broccoli, cucumbers, tomatoes, etc. Maybe start adding a full-sized carrot a day (a much better idea than adding berries, IMO). Do you like green beans, onions, peppers, cooked spinach, Brussels sprouts, cauliflower? Those are the staples of long-term successes. One of my favorite dishes is “spaghetti” which is browned ground turkey + onions over a big pile of whole green beans. Another is fresh spinach quickly sautéed in olive oil with a finely chopped clove of fresh garlic.

Here’s a little hint. Lettuce/raw spinach essentially don’t “count”. They’re not bad, not at all, but they are almost like adding water to your diet. If there is one thing long-term successes DON’T bother counting, DON’T worry about, and eat in unlimited quantities, it’s lettuce-like greens.

So to answer your original question, I would approach carrots like you are wanting to approach nuts and berries, I’d leave the nuts and berries pretty much alone for now. Go gently and mindfully. Your body seems to be responding beautifully LaVergene, you are clearly on the right track. As I used to say often to Mary (read her thread), SSS---steady steady steady. Let real, pure foods, especially the vegetables, slowly become your foundation, your anchor. If you will build this, so much more will come. I promise.

Adele (142 this morning)
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168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 10+ years
Maintaining at goal 7+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Last Edited on 29-Jun-2007 6:40 AM

No, I did not remember writing that. But I have been living that way. I listened to my body tell me the fake sugar was giving me a problem. At first I thought it was just in large quantities. Then I realized I just need to get rid of it. I also know that most milk products cause me problems. So, I also order my salads and other foods without cheese. And I thought nuts were not a problem but I had a few yesterday and was thinking about having a few today. NO NO NO!!! I can see where this is leading already and it is not a happy place.

Your words and my own actions have helped me to see that I was fooling myself with the whole nuts and fruits issue. I am still 50 pounds from my goal! I only loose about 1 to 1.5 pounds per week as it is. I cannot afford to add those kind of foods for a while. I know that I cannot handle nuts and I don't think I can handle berries either, right now. I realize that my dragon is not a meek little house pet, but a stealthy, stalking, wild animal, waiting for the chance to break free and ravage and pillage all that I have worked for. But I have managed to get the dragon collared and caged.

I love all vegetables and I will definitely work towards more variety and making them my foundation. Especially since I need to up my daily carbs.

I will see how I react to carrots this coming week. And another question, where do I find a list of paleo-correct foods?

LaVern
CW = 173
SW = 195
GW = 125

Last Edited on 29-Jun-2007 4:20 PM

I was able to weigh myself, too. I am really proud because even though I was not as prepared as I should have been, I did not use that as an excuse to take a flying leap off the bandwagon. I knew that the next morning I was going to weigh myself and the truth would show. I ate the nuts when I felt I absolutely had to and only used enough of them to keep me from turning into a lunatic.

One day we had dinner at a relative's. We were expecting chicken. We got Kentucky Fried Chicken. I ate the chicken but the next day, the scale went up 2 pounds. So that day I made sure to eat enough salad at home before venturing out and some other veggies for dinner.

I tried to use the philosophies found here for dealing with people who don't understand this way of life. I just said that I cannot eat anything made of flour or sugar, nothing processes nor man-made. One person agreed that you don't need anything that is man-made but I still felt slighted by that comment. I know that I have a problem with flour and sugar. I guess I have some issues to resolve within myself about this.

I still don't eat too much cheese. If I can order a salad without it, I will. I no longer remove the carrots from salads. I have added about 2 ounces of baby carrots when I can. This has gone really well. I also have had times when I would binge on carrots. But I have not had any temptation. I usually only have them as a snack.

All in all, I think vacation went really well.

LaVern
SW = 195
CW = 170 today
GW = 125

Last Edited on 12-Jul-2007 8:33 PM

Telling Other People Off—Abiding
and
How Do I Get Other People To Understand?

You haven’t even begun to deal with the feelings—yours or others’—AFTER you get to goal which, honest, are even more perplexing. (see Mary’s thread for plenty of examples...)

You’re doing great LaVergne! Clearly your body likes what you’re doing. Keep on keeping on and report back soon.

Adele (142 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 10+ years
Maintaining at goal 7+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Last Edited on 14-Jul-2007 12:11 PM

I have added a couple of ounces of baby carrots for an afternoon and evening snack. I've even made my kids a chicken spinach salad for dinner and they loved it. I will have to share my salad with them more often. I have found out that I really don't like heavy cream in my coffee; it's too heavy and fatty opr something. [yikes!] I prefer half and half; even though this is not recommended by Atkins. I also have a latte ocassionaly with no ill-side effects.

This week I went out for lunch to a chicken "market" restaurant. I hadn't eaten at this particular restaurant for a few years. At the time they didn't serve salad. I had a chicken club salad this week. I definitely tasted some kind of sugar in the marinaded chicken and in the dressing. Something caused my stomach to bloat and cramp. Well, I really don't think I will eat that again. I actually probably won't eat in that restaurant again. It didn't cause any weight gain but I was very uncomfortable.

I realized this week that raw almonds can definitely get me through a hungry situation. I had to drive for three hours this week and was unable to get lunch before I left and could not stop for food. I bought a can of raw almonds. I ate about two ounces in the car. I stopped feeling like I was going to pass out. At the end of my trip I got my chicken salad. However, now I had a can of almonds. Well, my dragon was really rattling the cage the next day when I just looked at the can. So, I realize that if I need some quick fuel, I can only buy enough fuel for immediate satisfaction. I do very well with the small one to two ounce packets of almonds. The larger can, even though it may be best for my wallet, is not best for my brain. So, small packages for me.

So, I am loosing aobutr 1-2 pounds per week. I actaully decided to reset my goal at a weight that I cannot ever remember seeing. Not that it is unattainable but I know this is the healthiest weight for my height. At a little less that 5'4", 115-120 pounds is good for me. This seems unattainable. But really it is like climbing a ladder; you can only climb one rung at a time. My rungs are short term, realistic goals, usually 5-10 pounds. So that every time I see the scale move down, I only focus on the closest rung of the ladder I am climbing.

Taking it one day at a time.

LaVern
HW=195
CW=168
GW=115

Since school has been out, I have been free every morning before work to stop at Starbucks. I have had a latte everyday before work for about two weeks. That is going to stop. I think my body is handling the whole/nonfat milk mixture okay, but just not everyday. I have not been making provisions for food at work and therefore had not been eating lunch on a consistent basis. I'm sure that I have been eating more protein than necessary. I ran out of baby carrots and did not have any real snack food on hand.

So all week my weight was up and down between 164 & 166. I can see now that 166 is a good weight but I am really disappointed at not being 164 this morning. I know what I need to do. I am so looking forward to a smaller me. It's a new day and I am good and everthing will be okay.

LaVern
SW=195
CW=166 (this morning)
GW=115

Last Edited on 5-Aug-2007 11:30 AM

I say this with tough love, please accept it—or not—accordingly... Lavergne, you’re not leading with the diet. You’re violating Rule & Secret #1 of Leading With the Diet, the premise upon which the rest of this is based.

You don’t have a plan and you don’t have the food to fulfill it. But you do have time to stop at Starbucks where you are now bargaining with milk, despite saying in your first post here: I am lactose intolerant and being on lowcarb does not change that. I cannot have any milk or cheese. I used to think that I could have heavy cream. There is no lactose in cream, right? But I now realize that I cannot have that either.

You’re doing loosey-goosey lowcarb. No, you’re not off plan, but you’re not ON plan either. Go back and read your thread. (I did). Your body clearly loved it when you were briefly, smack dab on plan with no bargaining. You received powerful information there—“the KNOW”—which you are now coming up with all kinds of reasons to ignore (deny), information you are not DOing. Ever since receiving that initial, important information from your body (which has no words, just reactions), you’ve been trying to bargain one way or another (peanuts, fruit, carrots, and now milk) around what your body has, over and over, been trying to convey to you. And with your current (lack of) results, your body is still trying to tell you it CAN’T do it the way you WANT or think it SHOULD.

It would take 5 minutes to make the plan that would have you back on the path where you said you wanted to be in May, the plan that your body has already told you it adores. It would take 30 minutes at the grocery store, and less than an hour at home to get things ready for 2-3 days ahead, then keep allotting that tiny amount of daily time to always being ready for tomorrow—staying ahead of your busy life and your appetite, to execute simple, essentially guaranteed, success.

Sure you could use a few carrots, but at your place in the journey you certainly shouldn't be making them a staple that you eat every day. What you do need much much more is the meats and all the vegetables—the FOUNDATION foods. You need them cooked, or what I call “on deck”—ready to be cooked and portioned out into containers that you can grab and eat BEFORE you give yourself time to think your way off to Starbucks.

I can still get crazy-hungry and entertain ALL kinds of bad ideas (that was my overriding life pattern up until about 8-9 years ago). Crucial information—a FACT as unalterable as the color of my eyes—that I finally accepted, through my behavior, not my knowledge, about my body is that I cannot abide hunger. So I now have a system (a PLAN) in place for that unalterable fact. Most of the time, whether I’m home or away, I have my next meal no further than the next room. One hour after feeding myself what I planned, the bad ideas leave and quiet, but on-going gratitude/relief for my more mindful food-decisions takes over. It’s been a very long time since I’ve experienced that still-familiar regret: “Whoops, I did it again...” and life without that regret is wonderful.

If I were in your place instead of stopping at Starbucks, I’d be stopping at the grocery and getting 10-15 pounds of frozen vegetables and enough plain meat to feed me for a week. I would buy something like five 1-pound bags of spinach, five 1-pound bags of green beans, and five 1-pound bags of broccoli. I’d get home and put some chicken in the oven to roast, cook up a pound of those veggies, divide it into two containers and put a meal’s worth of cooled meat on top. That’s TWO meals. Cook twice the amount of veggies and you've got FOUR meals ahead. Fresh veggies, sure those are great and I use a lot of them, but I NEVER run out of “emergency” meat OR vegetables in the freezer. And just last night right before bed, I opened the fridge and said “oops, I don’t have meat for tomorrow’s dinner on deck.” And I opened the freezer, took a flank steak out and put it in the fridge where it will be ready to go tonight.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Just yesterday morning I spent two wonderful hours at a coffee shop with one of my closest friends. I had a cup of black coffee. That’s the only item at a coffee shop that is not some kind of bargain for me. You can drink black coffee and enjoy the Starbucks ambiance and make a plan, or you can drink a latte and, well sure, you still get the “break” but you won’t be nearly as self-satisfied at the end of the day, week, month, year...

But that’s just me. You get to, you HAVE to, decide for you. Lead with what you really want Lavergne.

Adele (142 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 10+ years
Maintaining at goal 7+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Last Edited on 6-Aug-2007 7:19 AM

So, I am back to posting on fitday and having a plan. No lattes. I didn't stop on my way to work and I don't plan on stopping. I will end up buying a pacakge of decaf in the flavor/style I like. I have always done very well with one cup of coffee in the morning with half & half. So that is what I'm going back to now.

As for carrots, I didn't know that I shouldn't or couldn't include them. They make a great snack in the afternoons; after lunch but before dinner or after dinner and before bed. I buy the big bag from Costco [so my kids can share], measure them out into baggies and leave them in the frig or at work. I don't binge. For me, carrots are not like bread, or nuts, I have some and then I'm through.

I actually find them useful for getting up to 30-40 grams of net carbs a day without busting my caloric intake and maintaining the 65/10/25 ratio. I'm already eating 5 cups of lettuce and 4 cups of mustard spinach, plus tomatoes and cucumbers for two daily salads. Then I have 3-4 cups of some other green veggie [beans, cabbage, broccoli].

Maybe I'll try having another salad in the afternoons, instead of carrots. What do you think.

You know I actually cringed when I went to look at your reply. I knew I was slipping and I knew you would let me have it. Thanks for everything.

LaVerne
SW=195
CW=164 today
GW=115

This week I also re-read the article for chronically restarting low-carbers. I completely missed the reference to ceasar dressing the first time. I had already eliminated ranch dressings because they definitely make me bloat and feel awful. I had not experienced this feeling with ceasar but now I'll give it up.

I have not been to Starbuck in two weeks. No milk or cheese, only half and half in my morning coffee. I am starting to seriously consider just giving up the morning half and half completely.

And, I have to work on giving up the Splenda. I have one packet in my coffee, and two packets in my iced tea. I have caffeine-free diet soda once, maybe twice, a week. I gave up the crystal light because it was causing bloating but not the three packets.

So, this coming week it will be black coffee and unsweetened iced tea.

LaVerne
SW=195
CW=161 today
GW=115

Cold turkey is, of course, another way to make the change.

While I would never say that Splenda is harmful to everybody, nobody does better on lowcarb with Splenda than without it. It’s more often a problem, especially in CRLs.

If you choose to wean gradually, I would urge you to begin having at least one serving of unsweetened coffee/tea daily as you wean to get yourself used to the change. Changing from light to black coffee (I stopped sweetening coffee in my 20’s) was the hardest change for me in this whole journey. I did that beginning in the summer of 1998. I’d say it took about a year to go from barely being able to swallow it to LIKING it so much that now the thought of putting cream in coffee is ... well I just wouldn’t ruin a good cup of black coffee anymore. Who knew?

Change is possible. (In fact, it’s mandatory, so isn’t it great that it is possible...)

Adele (141 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 10+ years
Maintaining at goal 7+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Last Edited on 18-Aug-2007 8:40 AM

And bringing some broccoli or green beans to work for lunch is really helping me get enough carbs.

I am sticking to the 60-10-30 ratio for fats-carbs-protein. And my calories are around 1300. I am sonsitently loosing but it just seems weird. I don't add fat to anything other than salad. I am going to read the essay about calculating my BMI again. I think I am basing it on the wrong number. I calculated it based on my goal weight instead of my current weight.

I did have a scary moment this week. Since I stopped using ceasar dressing, usually I use mayo at work for my salads. This time I ordered a salad from a restaurant I've been to several times. I got my usual salmon salad with homemade italian dressing. I don't think they used any kind of sugar because I didn't taste any, but there was definitely something that didn't agree with me. My dragon woke up demanding sweets. It was really bad. I got through that without breaking though.

Also, the celery or carrot evening snacks are working out really well. And I keep making short-term goals. Like right now, I just broke the 160 mark and I'm working to get to 150.

L_a_Vern
SW=195
CW=158 this morning
GW=115

Last Edited on 1-Sep-2007 9:03 AM

LaVern, I do think you’re mistaken about the calorie level you should be eating. I don’t know your BMR, but 1,300 seems too low calorie for anyone, for most women your age that’s the recommended level for calorie-controlled (deprived!) dieting. What is your BMR calculated at this site?

BMR Calculator

You want to set your calories 200-250 calories OVER that number (and no more), and eat that consistently.

Eating less sometimes works for weight loss in the short-term, but most likely it will boomerang and bite you on the you-know-where over the long-term.

Adele (142 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 10+ years
Maintaining at goal 7+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

So, now the challenge is getting another 300 calories. It is difficult already to get to 1300 calories. I feel like I stuff myself with these huge spinach/romaine salads.

I will work it out over the next week or so. I am still adjusting to the new school year, so it will take a little time.

Thanks for the advice and help.

LaVern
SW=195
CW=159
GW=115

Well LaVern it’s not really hard. Just add fat, mostly. At 110 calories a tablespoon you can get 300 calories in easily. You can add extra oil to salads and veggies and/or you can try eating fattier selections of meat, such as chicken wings and thighs and finding marbled beef and pork. (Those are usually the cheaper cuts as well!) Getting 65% of your calories from fat would be just fine, it might even work a little better, especially if you keep the carbs steady and decrease the protein just a tiny bit, which would probably happen without effort if you fattier meats.

It is difficult already to get to 1300 calories. I feel like I stuff myself with these huge spinach/romaine salads.

If you don’t add more calories sooner or later you’re going to get over-hungry. The ketosis appetite-suppressing phenomenon is neither consistently or forever-strong. Under-eating like this eventually leads to food-fest days.

Get it and keep your intake consistent LaVerne, that’s the food secret part of this. THEN you’ll get to the even harder stuff...the retrofitting.

Keep us posted!

Adele (142 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 10+ years
Maintaining at goal 7+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Wow! I totally forgot about the "add 200 calories" part. I need to re-read the articles. And I've been calculating my BMR based on my goal weight. I don't know if that is right but it appears I've been off by 300 [100 bmr +200] calories. But it really does feel like I am stuffing myself. I realize that I have to figure out how to fit in another 300 calories within the f/c/p ratio.

I understand what you are saying about staying in ketosis bringing on hunger. I think that is what I was feeling the first time I did this. I was definitely not eating enough carbs the first time because I stuck with the 3 cups of salad and 1 cup of other veggies. I really did have a lot more cravings for bread. This time I eat so much more vaggies that I really don't even think about bread.

Also, last week my dragon started rattling the cage. I think it may have been caused by some seasoning on the chicken. Then again, it could have been PMS. I realized this month that every month since I started one of my PMS symptoms is increased hunger. Not necessarily cravings, just hunger.

So, my goal for the next few weeks is finding a comfortable way to increase my calories by 300 and maintain the correct ratio.

L_A_Vern
SW=195
CW=159
GW=115

Last Edited on 15-Sep-2007 6:44 PM

However, my PMS is definitely an issue now. I did not have any cravings this past month and I haven't had any thoughts of having cheat weekends. I just realized this week that I hadn't even looked at the ciabatta breads in the past four months. That was a ground shaking revelation to me because the last time I did strict-Atkins, I would covet all breads. It doesn't help that I work right next door to Costco, so I can smell when they are baking goodies. For the past few months, I have not noticed that smell once. This is a break through for me.

Have a great weekend.
L_A_Vern
SW=195
CW=157 this morning
GW=115

Last Edited on 26-Oct-2007 11:12 AM

I’d caution you about paying too much attention to your WANTS improving. No matter how clean you eat, you are going to want bread and sugar—heck I even sometimes want plain old red beans and rice—again sooner or later, even if that want is fleeting. The want never ever goes away completely, that’s part of what defines us as addicted; it’s what requires ACTION (abstinence) as the acknowledgement that we are incapable of moderation with many common foods.

You’re likely entering the place in the CRL pattern where the initial thrill is gone, and you’re feeling pretty much “on a diet” (or trying to be), and you are having a whole lot of ambivalent feelings about that. This diet your body thrives on can be demanding, unforgiving, boring, awkward, unfair, it’s just a friggin’ pain in the butt sometimes.

This is also the prime time—today being Halloween is, after all, the official Opening Day of Open Eating Season, the period from today until January 2, along with a grace-period from January 2 to Valentines day—when we can even more easily find reasons of any magnitude to rationalize ourselves off plan: It’s getting old, it’s not working very well anymore, I’ve lost some, I don’t feel as bad as I did back then, I can let up some...for a while... this is a SPECIAL occasion, I had a bad hair day, yada yada.

PLEASE don’t neglect yourself and the changes you wanted to make in yourself just a few months ago when you entered here. (Maybe you could re-read your thread?) PLEASE don’t forget to lead your days, especially right now, with a firm P-L-A-N. It takes years to make that a self-supporting habit, years AFTER getting the weight all the way off. Right now it is likely to feel like a slogging imposition. Just do it anyway and trust me?

Get and KEEP a simple clean plan underneath you and watch how all those excuses and wants can just go ahead and swirl around in your brain, as long and hard as they want, you’re leading with what your body loves. That’s how we can trick ourselves into staying on plan even when we don’t want to. And don’t forget how quickly and relatively easily you can cook a big batch of plain meat—hamburgers, chicken pieces, pork chops, a roast, even a turkey, cook up a large quantity of vegetables and make up grab-and-go meals for yourself, making a solid FOUNDATION for yourself.

Our feelings—and our busyness—aren’t what got and kept us overweight over the years, it’s our food patterns, including quitting when it gets more challenging. Change THAT pattern and watch everything else fall slowly (if imperfectly) into a better, different place.

I hope you’ll let us know how it goes.

Adele (143 this morning)
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168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 11+ years
Maintaining at goal 8+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

I wasn't eating a lot of flour but I was eating a lot of dairy and halloween treats for a while.

At about 4:30 am this past Saturday morning, I finally could see that I am always going to have issues. I cannot let anything get in the way of my health or my life. And, I stopped ignoring how bad I was feeling after eating certain foods.

To add to all this, my carpool buddy came back a month ago, so I am not getting as much walking in as I used too. However, she invited [ordered] me to workout with her. I walked on the treadmill for the first time in years yesterday. I really enjoyed it.

I am not going to beat myself up about this past month. It is what it is. Hoepfully, I have learned something. It is time to focus on having a plan; on knowing what I am eating ahead of time everyday; on doing what makes me feel great.

L_a_Vern
SW=195
CW=167
GW=115

Last Edited on 10-Dec-2007 4:03 PM

I’d like to comment on your journey, if for no other reason than for the sake of others who might be following down the same path, about how, at least the last time you checked in, your pattern was melding into one that was almost guaranteed to be self-thwarting. You weren’t eating enough, that’s a common mistake, one we WANT to believe will ultimately serve us, but it ultimately bites us every single time. The hunger dam breaks, we get rattled and everything goes kablooey because we simply can’t juggle hunger and cravings and strong emotions.

Anyway, I do hope you’re okay, and that you’ll check in soon.

Adele (144 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 11+ years
Maintaining at goal 8+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

I've been stuck at 158 for two weeks. But I'll get through this too.

The funny thing is that while I was off the wagon in November and December, I discovered that chocolate is a super trigger for my migraines. Therefore, I cannot even have any of those low-carb bars, which is probably a good thing because I remember a few years ago I ate a whole box within two days.

L_A_Vern
SW=195
CW=158 this morning
GW=125

Last Edited on 5-Mar-2008 1:08 PM

So, today I decided to ask the fitness center coordinator what should I do. I told her that I wanted to loose weight, but mostly fat. I know that I am not loosing muscle, like most people do on commercial diets, because I eat low-carb and therefore get a good amount of protein. The first thing she asked was if I was eating any fruits, breads or rice because grains and rice help you loose weight and stay satisfied. I said no, I have problems with breads and rice. I even told her that when I did eat breads and grains that I would be hungry all the time. I would eat and eat and eat. Thus the weight problem that I am trying to get rid of now. I don't eat fruits because it makes me bloat. When I want fruit I eat a tomato. She just sat there in stunned silence. She said that I really needed to add some fruits and whole grains to my diet and that low-carb was good for quick weight loss but then you gain it all back.

Now I am feeling really stupid for even saying anything. She just acted like I was a total moron. You think I would have known better. But, alas, I didn't.

So, should I add some weights or just stick with the cardio and kickboxing which has a lot of muscle isolation moves?

Also, I think I might have to forgo the mayo. That is what I've been having on my salad everday.

LaVern, I hope you can learn from Nikki’s journey how generally we have to find our own diet advice/advisors. Mainstream people (including 98% of “health professionals”) are not even slightly knowledgeable or helpful with this, I’m sorry to say. Clearly our culture isn’t getting thinner or noticeably healthier, clearly their “best advice” isn’t helping (which is an oddly self-sustaining way to run a business, isn’t it?) Nonetheless I seriously doubt anything much is going to change, I see absolutely no financial incentives for them to do so. The answers aren’t generally with professionals or their products or services. I have no interest in seeing THEM change. More importantly, I know of no lowcarb success who needs much, if anything, from the professional or business world (including the food, sports, fitness or medical industry) to change anything in order for her to succeed with making wonderful, positive changes in her weight and lifestyle. If anything, learning to ignore or reject most of their offerings has been a key skill to master. Look to Mary here for perhaps the strongest example of this phenomenon.

Should I add some weights or just stick with the cardio and kickboxing which has a lot of muscle isolation moves?

I’m not an exercise adviser. I think you—that we ALL—should get and stay physically active, and a gym certainly can be a good place to hang out to help make that happen. I do not observe that exercise is very helpful for weight LOSS for most people. But it IS vital for weight maintenance and, to me, more importantly, if done consistently over time, it is extremely helpful, I’d say VITAL, as a healthy emotional outlet which will, in turn, help slowly lead to an eventual overall calming of the urges that lead most of us to emotional eating. A consistently clean, consistently calorie-adequate & STEADY diet PLUS regular exercise are what I think will lead us to the life changes that bring inner peace (but never “inner perfection”).

I am still stuck at 158.
I think I might have to forgo the mayo. That is what I've been having on my salad everyday

First, MAYBE it’s not a bad thing at all that you stall for a while at 158. See The Value of Stalling. This is the weight/point where you went kablooey the last time, right? ONE important skill you need to master is to stay the same weight and not go kablooey. (Frankly, kablooey is OUT as a behavior choice if you are to change, are you beginning to acknowledge that?)

As for your diet, I’ve noted before that in your first post you admitted that lactose/dairy is a huge problem for your body; yet you say you’re using half and half daily (I know, I know “just a little” (grin)). I note that you’ve been resistant to eliminating dairy for a long time now, and I’d certainly look at that before looking at mayonnaise. Although either (or both) COULD be a problem, I don’t think it’s time to begin addressing individual foods with you right now. I’ve also noted from your journey that you have a strong tendency to cut calories to try to lose weight. Before I offer diet advice, I want to see your Fitday journals for at least a week; two or more would be better. You can make your journal public and post a link here or you can e-mail them to me privately. I want to see absolutely EVERYTHING you’re eating, the whole picture. (And I need you to list the individual ingredients in your foods—I can’t accurately evaluate a diet that has “homemade lowcarb pizza” as a listing, for instance.) Please also supply me with your daily fiber counts from the days you submit, along with your BMR caloric level from the BMR Calculator

I have a way of evaluating an overall diet I don’t want to go looking at tiny details until we’ve taken a good look at the bigger picture.

I AM glad you pulled yourself out of the mess I saw you sinking into before, that you caught yourself, before you regained everything. That IS significant. You will keep feeling pulled in that direction, that’s not going to change. Just keep going, LaVern, don’t go kablooey! Keep us posted.

Adele (144 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 11+ years
Maintaining at goal 8+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Last Edited on 8-Mar-2008 1:41 PM

I thought I was really good at ignoring other people's opinions and rejections of me. But recently I've been extremely sensitive. There could be hormonal reasons for this but I still have to deal with it and not let it effect my eating. So far so good. Most recently I've had to deal with a couple of co-workers that berate my choice of breakfast foods; bacon/saturated fat in particular. It makes it hard for them not to notice when I eat at work and everyone can smell the bacon and eggs. They are using the whole heart disease and cholesterol arguments. BTW, they are not fit or healthy themselves. I was upset for a couple of days, even asking my doctor if I could have my blood tested. But despite everything, I did not go off plan at all. I thlought about your article "How Can I Get Other People In My Life to Understand?" and realized that it is not my responsibility to make anyone else understand and especially people that are not family. My responsibility is to take care of myself.

"I do not observe that exercise is very helpful for weight LOSS for most people. But it IS vital for weight maintenance..."

I've also read that quite often over the years.

"First, MAYBE it’s not a bad thing at all that you stall for a while at 158. See The Value of Stalling. This is the weight/point where you went kablooey the last time, right?"

I actually thought about that too. I'm sure it has something to do with why it took so long to get over. But the stall is over. Actually, the next day after my post to you the stall ended.

"I note that you’ve been resistant to eliminating dairy for a long time now, and I’d certainly look at that before looking at mayonnaise."

Yes, I am very resistant to eliminating the tablespoon of half & half. I have been drinking so much water lately that the cup of coffee is actually not so appealing. However, I have made significant strides with eliminating cheese. Last year I would have about 4 ounces of cheddar cheese quite often. But I have not done that at all. The only cheese I have is on a salad that I order at work, and that is not even near an ounce. It probably wouldn't even register on a scale [LOL].

"I’ve also noted from your journey that you have a strong tendency to cut calories to try to lose weight."

I'm not tying to cut calories by maybe subconsciously I am cutting calories to loose. I am still working against 40 years of brainwashing.

I have been entering my data in fitday so that you can look at it. My BMR is 1433, based on a height of 5'3".

Yes, kablooey has to be out if I am to change.

Last Edited on 16-Mar-2008 9:50 AM

Well if it’s really bothering you, and you don’t want to deal with it, you could bring other food for that meal, and maybe save the breakfast foods for when you’re at home. Seems to me, though, in this case it would be more fun, and possibly just a little socially-emotionally strengthening to you if you could gently snicker/josh back at your workmates saying (perhaps as eggs are coming out of your nose as you try to stifle a guffaw), “yeah, um, and I can see how well that’s working for you guys!”

As you are acknowledging, this aspect of your life doesn’t need fixing as much as you need to calm down a little and stop worrying about what others, especially obviously unhealthy ones, have to say about your food choices. As I stated in the article about getting other people to understand, this requires a looooong period (years!) of absolute consistency from you before others even begin “getting it”—and even then they’re not likely to understand much—they honestly will never CARE much, they don’t need to. They’ll only stop questioning it so often because it’s no longer new or remarkable about you. It’s just that unusual way you always eat.

For the last 4 years when at work, I have eaten my lunch “in public”. That is, I manage the glass-front office of a busy preschool during a time when 50 morning families are leaving and 40 afternoon families are arriving. Four years ago our facility was remodeled; before that time, earlier in my journey, I was able to go into a staff-lounge-area and eat with other staff. Since we’re in this remodeled building, the teaching teams eat and have their team meetings in their classrooms; I get to eat in my office, sometimes along with my boss and my assistant, but often alone in front of all those people coming and going. My “diet” rarely comes up now, but what I hear over and over again, is “oh, you always have such healthy, delicious looking lunches. I should eat more like that.” Vegetables and fish, green beans and chicken, stir fries, giant salads all LOOK healthy to “outsiders.” (That’s because they can’t see all the fat!)

One time, when asked by a parent I suspect is a vegan if that big pattie on top of all that broccoli in my lunch was TVP (textured vegetable protein), I watched her recoil and little when I said, "Nope, it's a ground pork!" (See, I am not against having a little fun with this now and again! My college advisor always said "If you can laugh at it, you can life with it.)

Mostly LaVergne, you’re right, you just need to keep on keeping on. Get your eating EVEN and keep it that way. You are at the very beginning of the building part. “If you BUILD it, they (all the skills, habits and insights you will need to continue) will come.”

Keep us posted, and post or send me your Fitday link when you’ve got a couple weeks written down.

Adele
(142 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 11+ years
Maintaining at goal 8+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Last week I felt the need to explain why I was out of touch from October through December last year. I made a post saying that I was okay but I was not and I could feel myself being pulled into an episode of panic and depression as surely as any planet feels the pull of a nearby black hole. I could not share any of this at the time. And my eating was just borderline. I hadn't gone all out with flour or sugar but I was not on any plan. I would eat at least a bowl of raw, unsalted sunflower seeds everyday. Then Halloween came and that was when the all out chocolate feast began. I was suffering and my eating was suffering. I was suffering because my eating was suffering.

So when I wrote to Adele to explain about this period, Adele asked if my depression was an excuse for me to not eat on plan. And I thought about that and realized that she was right. I didn’t feel good and I allowed my eating to reflect my mood. I was in the mindset that I had no control over anything in my life and my eating was reflecting this lack of control.

The off plan eating allowed me to feel even worse. So, it was a vicious cycle. Feel bad, eat bad, feel worse about eating bad, eat worse. And I continued to weight myself everyday. I would see the scale slowly creeping up and would only feel dissatisfaction with my own actions. But I wouldn’t change my actions because the feelings of anxiety and depression were a recognizable place. However, everyday I was getting more and more uncomfortable with that place and with my decisions. The way I was eating was having a negative impact on how I was feeling.

However, the truth was that eating should have been the one area of my life over which I had complete control. I finally realized this truth after gaining 14 pounds back. And it really wasn’t hard to accept that I needed to lead with the diet. That whatever I was putting into my mouth was because I am in control and I chose to put it there.

This time, once again facing some difficulties, I know that I still need to eat clean and on plan. I was stuck at the weight where I went kablooey last time for a few weeks. But I didn’t let that have any effect on my eating. This should always be the one place that I have control. Not leading with the diet does not help me feel good or get better.

----------
L_A_Vern

SW=195
CW=152, this morning
GW=125

Last Edited on 23-Mar-2008 8:00 PM

I did have breakfast Saturday but I could feel my stomach protesting. By 1 o'clock [in the mist of my daughter's play date] I had a full blown migraine. I tried to eat and take some medicine but ended up hurling everything, including the bacon from breakfast. A few hours later I tried a stalk of celery so that I could try taking some medicine. Once again I hurled everything. I couldn't even drink water. Sunday was a better day. I ate some breakfast and it stayed down, maybe not willingly. I did not eat lunch because I was just not hungry. I did have dinner but I over did it. I had my usual large salad with chicken and 3 cups of broccoli. My stomach was really hurting but everything stayed down. My husband went to the store Sunday night and brought home corn-on-the-cob, bananas, grits, and chicken legs. I guess I forgot, in my migraine/drug/hurl induced stupor, to tell my husband that I needed food, too.

Monday I felt weak and shaky and my eatiing was not good. I got home and realized that I did not have enough lettuce and no tomatoes or broccoli or green beans. Tuesday I felt better but still my eating was not good. Both days I had too much protein and not enough veggies. Still no trip to Costco for my veggies.

I do not think this is what Adele would call leading with the diet, or planning ahead, or always having your food ready. But no more headache and no more hurling. That is a good feeling. Tomorrow I will get to the store to get my food. And of all things, I'm craving steak!

--------
L_A_Vern

SW=195
CW=153, this morning
GW=125

That was just such a miraculous change of attitude with just a couple of cups of broccoli and cauliflower and some butter. I am in awe at how powerful food is and how it effects our moods and our bodies.

----------
L_A_Vern

SW=195
CW=154, this morning
GW=125

Last Edited on 26-Mar-2008 4:27 PM

Now I have to work on my weekend eating. I have a terrible time getting enough proteins consistently throughout the day. I'm finding it a little challenging because of a busy little league schedule, helping with projects and I am trying to get food ready for the next week. This to will come, just like preparing breakfast and chicken for the next week. I used to not do that and I would end up eating inappropriately. Now, that is not a problem for me, I do most stuff on the weekend and can make it through to Thursday.

I'm just going to keep on keeping on, doing the best I can but always striving to do better and Lead With The Diet.

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L_A_Vern

SW=195
CW=150, this morning
GW=125

This week was just okay. I saw 150 for a few days, but as you can see I'm back to 152. On Tuesday something woke my dragon and I didn't eat right. I didn't eat out of bounds but I was hungry more often than usual. I usually eat lunch @ 2:30 after I workout but since I wasn't working out, I ate at noon. Then I was hungry by 4 and had a chicken leg and some mayo. I had a salad to start dinner and then green beans. But I didn't enjoy the beans because I had managed to overcook them. I felt like I really should have just had broccoli. At this time, I realized that all the chicken I had cooked on Saturday was gone already. So, I had to grill more chicken thighs at 8 that night. Even after eating 3 thighs, I just felt off. Then I wanted a sliced & salted tomato for snack at 9:30. I still didn't feel right and I knew that the scale was going to go up.

I can't say that I'm not disappointed but I knew the scale would reflect my eating. I don't feel heavier or like I'm bloated either.

So, as I'm typing this I realized what happened on Tuesday. I received a call from my sister in Seattle that our grandmother in Chicago was in the hospital. They think she suffered a stroke. She has to get a feeding tube and they don't know if she is going to a facility or back to our aunts' house. My sister is already in Chicago now. Yeah, that's the kind of news that will throw you for a loop. I'm just glad I held myself together relatively well. And the past two days have been good foodwise. No extra snacking or unexplained hunger.

I'll just keep on keeping on and leading with the diet.

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L_A_Vern

SW=195
CW=152, this morning
GW=125

Friday, I went to a Mexican restaurant with my workout buddy. I ordered carne asada with just onions. The meat was just okay, not seasoned very well. I think maybe there was something in the seasoning they used that didn't agree with me. I felt really heavy afterward but there was no change in my weight the next two mornings. Still, I don't think I will eat there again.

So this weekend, my eating has gone pretty much as planned. I got four meals in on Saturday and breakfast and lunch, so far, today. I am really focusing on keeping my eating even for all seven days of the week and not skip meals on the weekend.

Basically, leading with the diet at all times.

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L_A_Vern

SW=195
CW=150, this morning
GW=125

Last Edited on 13-Apr-2008 3:24 PM

LaVergne, in my opinion, at least PART of the something that awakened your dragon is that you have consistently been not eating enough calories. (I am privy to this since I carefully examined LaVergne’s Fitday records recently.) In my observation that will, over time, eventually create a hunger deficit/vacuum. (You might want to read my post of August 2, 2006 on Laina’s thread for a little more on this.)

Even more importantly, as I observed to you privately, you were consistently not getting enough FAT in your diet. In my opinion/observation, that will predictably set you up for an eventual tumble such as this. Fat is what suppresses (and evens out) our hunger/mood swings. Sooner or later we all get hit with emotional surprises and BAM, “suddenly” we find we’re coming undone with the hunger deficit AND the mood upheaval from not having had enough fat for a long time. And the hunger dam breaks.

Consistently eating enough fat and calories will not stop emotionally challenging events from occurring in anybody’s life, it certainly hasn’t in mine anyway, but it does provide me with a strong, steady emotional foundation, and with that I have been slowly able to build the skills and the history—and even, slowly, the respect/support I need from family/friends—to remain strong when emotional challenges do come up.

This was a little tumble for you (hopefully). Try getting yourself fed better, your foundation stronger, get and keep an ADVANCE plan in place and just go ahead and follow it when the next crisis hits. Build the new skills and habits that can and will sustain you through inevitable stuff like this.

Unfortunately we could see another 9-11 or worse. (I saw that event become the beginning of the end for two fairly long-term ”lowcarb successes.”) We really have to get ourselves nourished for both physical AND emotional strength honey. I hope you’re succeeding at getting that extra fat in. Stay in touch.

P.S. LaVergne, I wrote the above before you (just) posted your last note. Glad to see you’re working at getting enough fat/calories and, as you can observe, your body is doing fine with that! This is just SO important. It’s also the beginning of the end of the quiet little all-too-common inner bargain behavior where we rationalize “I’ve been SO extra good for such a long time, surely I can afford to splurge a little right now”… and we justify ourselves eating too much and/or eating some crap. The (boring!) trick is to get it, and keep it, EVEN.

Restaurant meat, in my experience, is laden with additives—“feeling fat” is often swelling due to these additives that plump not just meat, but very often our bodies (swollen fingers are often a clue for me).

I can’t 100% avoid restaurants, but luckily I work hard at minimizing eating out (a plan helps SO much with that); and perhaps that’s one GOOD thing that will come out of the American economic situation and our rising food prices. My body is noticeably happier, saner when I can eat 100% additive free meats. Restaurant meals, generally, “cost” me a week of noticeable, if not horrible, symptoms.

As for veggies, in my opinion, COOKED vegetables are as important as raw ones. It is almost impossible to get enough carbs and fiber without eating at least some cooked (which reduces the volume of food we have to eat to get it—cooking has no effect on fiber except to concentrate it.) Green beans, cabbage, broccoli and spinach—and sometimes brussells sprouts—are my favorite mainstay cooked veggies.

Adele (143 this morning)
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168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 11+ years
Maintaining at goal 8+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com