History for people who don't know me: I was a strict "Purist" (not gold-standard but eschewing all low-carb convenience foods/candy/etc in favor of un-or-minimally processed meats and veggies) throughout my weight loss. I hit goal in February 06 and that's when I started to get slack. Dreamfields Pasta here, an Atkins Advantage bar there, splitting a chocolate-peanut butter milkshake (the real thing, not a lowcarb version) with my boyfriend. I kept these indulgences occasional enough to maintain my weight loss, but the stage was set. Then last June I got walloped with a kidney abscess (get those bladder infections treated, ladies, you do NOT want a kidney abscess), and spent several weeks mostly in bed with a tube in my back, zoned out on Dilaudid, anti-inflammatories and some pretty hardcore antibiotics. I also ate pretty much whatever I wanted, which wasn't much and was mostly soft, white, and distinctly not low-carb...bread, yogurt, mashed potatoes, rice, etc. Anyway, long story short, here I am almost a year later, fully recovered from the abscess but NOT fully recovered from the re-addiction to carbs, although at this point the vast majority of it is carb methadone (sugar-free this and that). I have a really hard time going into the grocery store and coming out with nothing more than my usual meats and veggies...tried this the other night and returned with a package of sugar-free Peeps and 2 Atkins Advantage bars in addition to my frozen veggies and sirloin cubes, and all the way home I was thinking "WTH are you doing???", even as I was shoving them into my mouth.

It's strange the situations where I give in to temptation...I have next to no trouble in most social situations (going out to eat, hanging out with friends), and next to no trouble at work (I work as a line cook at Cracker Barrel, where there's all manner of things that by all rights SHOULD be temptation, but somehow at work they aren't). I guess I drink alone, only I don't drink so much as eat Atkins bars and sugar-free candy.

Argh. I know what I NEED to do...ideally need to get back into that place I was in when I was first losing the weight and Purism just came so easy to me, but the Pandora's box has been opened and the forbidden fruit tasted, so it'll probably never be that easy again. So I guess all that's left is Decide, Provide, and Abide, and Abide, and Abide, and Abide, and Abide....

Nikki, new mantra "Just for today, I will eat clean".

You don’t need to get back to 155 any more than I need to stay at goal. This isn’t a need at all. It’s a choice I make because I have no need OR tolerance for the undeniable consequences of the crappy, impulsive choices I’d often rather make.

What you need right now, apparently, is “lowcarb” pasta and lowcarb crappola stuffed in your face in the car on the way home from the store. You can’t and don’t need to know—yet—why you keep doing that. (Addicts do like to stall by asking, though...)

I guess I drink alone, only I don't drink so much as eat Atkins bars and sugar-free candy.

We addicts find quiet disquieting. It’s when you’re alone with YOU, alone with all your ambivalent feelings, when no one is watching...at least that’s certainly when I used to start getting jittery. And there’s also the fact that you have reignited and continued to fan the physical addiction flames for over a year now. Thus far, you’re not willing to lead with the physical truths. That alone precludes any progress with the emotional ones.

it'll probably never be that easy again.

It wasn’t easy before Nikki. You “slacked” before you got to the hard part.

It’s clear, on my side of the screen anyway, that you’re addicted, and you can’t bargain your way back onto plan. Ditch the pasta and the frankenfoods for good girl—they’re not gonna be a part of losing OR maintenance for you, your body is clearly saying that, so far you’re not listening. Perhaps reading Laina’s thread would be of some help, to see how she’s slowly turning herself around?

I honestly hope you’ll stick around this time and follow up on yourself. How about you report back in one week that you’ve had a clean week. And keep checking in, keep your thread alive, keep yourself going girl.

Can we look forward to your post on April 21?

Adele (143 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 10+ years
Maintaining at goal 7+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

I'm doing really good so far. No slips, cheats, or "indiscretions" since the original post in this thread. I've also vastly improved my water and veggie intake, both of which had been suffering for awhile now. I've also found that now that my water/veggie intake is up, my "idontwannnnnnnnnnnna!" feelings are going away re: this way of eating. I'm feeling cautiously optimistic...like I said, a week of clean eating is no big deal, I've gone at least a week or two at a time without any Atkins bars, etc. But this is the first time in a long time I've cleaned up my eating to this degree, kicked up the veggies and the water, and felt like the dragon was actually going back to sleep rather than biding its time waiting to ambush me. Getting on the scale this AM and seeing 164.0 instead of 169.5 (or worse!) helped too. I'm very glad to be working in a place that has Atkins-compatible food, particularly Atkins-compatible veggies. I've found that in the almost 2.5 years I've been lowcarbing and working as a line cook, the ONLY time I had serious trouble with temptation at work was the 3 or 4 months I worked in a burger place that sold about 15 (literally) different types of French fries, the other options for side items were potato salad, coleslaw, pasta salad, potato chips, or a small side salad. The only thing I could eat was the side salad which was very small, very iceberg-heavy and completely unsatisfying. I got yelled at once for bringing in my own bag of frozen broccoli to nuke to go with my bunless burger, so bringing my own more substantial veggies was out. But now that I'm at Cracker Barrel I've become almost legendary for how much I like turnip greens. :-)

I do have a pretty big challenge coming up, in that in a month DBF and I are moving in together. DBF is thin and healthy with no food addiction issues, and he's supportive of my way of eating, though I'm not sure he totally understands it. Sometimes he tries to be a little TOO supportive, he worries excessively about eating "naughty" things in front of me, stuff like that. I don't think I'll have much trouble though, he's not real inclined to spend a lot of time in the kitchen, so I don't think I'll have much trouble making it primarily my domain. :-)

Anyway I've mused and rambled enough for tonight.

Nikki

Jon and I picked out an apartment and even wound up moving up our move in date a couple days from the 21st to the 19th of April. I'm feeling good about it but it's still kinda scary.

Things to work on for week 3: keep water consumption up on off-work days, make sure to eat enough every day.

Just for today, I will eat clean.

Nikki

Last Edited on 4-Apr-2007 3:49 PM

Things are progressing decently...am not losing very much right now but TOM is here and I always bloat up starting about 2 weeks before TOM so I should be due to see some cooperation from the scale any day now. Weighed 163.5 this AM.

I'm feeling very peaceful about food lately...I had some MAJOR stress this weekend regarding my move (NOTHING was going right and EVERYTHING had to be rerouted), but I did not let it interfere with my eating. Actually, binging didn't even occur to me until after the fact, and then it was more like "Hey, I just had all this crap happen and I didn't even think to go on a chocolate rampage!".

Adele and I discussed the Chronically Restarting Lowcarber phenomenon earlier this week. and CRL's a topic I'd like to touch on in today's update, because I see myself in constant danger of becoming one. :-)

Anyone who's participated in your typical lowcarb message board (not so much this one) for any length of time knows the type...they show up totally gung-ho about their new way of eating, they seem to lose fairly quickly down to goal or near it, then all of a sudden they disappear for months or even a year. Eventually they come back with significant or even total regain, saying "I'm so embarrassed, I thought I could handle Just One Bite of (insert carby food here) and I've gained the weight back but I'm ready to get back on the wagon now, now I KNOW I'm an addict and I can't have just one bite of (insert carby food here)". They get back on plan, usually start losing pretty easily again, then comes the day when they start to think they can handle a Planned Cheat, maybe for a holiday or a special occasion. Despite all advice against the Planned Cheat, they go ahead and do it anyway ("but I'll jump right back on plan hardcore the next day!), and then it's once again months before the board hears from them, and sure enough, when they come back they've regained again. "But NOW I'm ready to do this for life!". And the cycle continues...

Until I fell off the wagon and then tried unsuccessfully for months (almost a year!) to get back on, I never really realized how easy it would be to become one of those people, and the idea scares me to death. Realizing that I could literally be Just One Bite away from becoming a CRL has kept me on the straight and narrow the last 5 weeks.

Falling off the wagon a couple times doesn't make you a CRL, but every time you DO fall off, the chances of you becoming one increase, because it's going to be that much easier to fall off again and again (that's where the Chronically comes in).

So if you're struggling like I was, clean up your eating...go back to what you already know works for you. For me, that meant going back to strictly Induction foods for awhile, then in the last week or so I've added macadamias and almonds in moderation, because they worked OK for me in OWL as long as I didn't overeat them. No low-carb bars, candies, etc, and no fruit (for now, but I may test frozen berries again when I'm back at or near goal, as they worked OK for me in late OWL and premaintenance). At this point, I'm pretty sure I'm ready to accept that grain-based food will probably never have a place in my life again..."lowcarb" wraps, "lowcarb" bread, Dreamfields pasta, etc. Neither will sugar-alcohol-laden lowcarb methadone foods. They just make it way too easy to throw everything I've worked for away.

Anyway, regarding my move, all my major stuff is in, the major crises have passed, and I'm looking forward to cashing my paycheck tomorrow so I can stock the fridge. :-) DBF is, as predicted, showing very little if any interest in the kitchen. Fine by me! :-D

Nikki

I'm still feeling good. Need to start exercising to train for Basic Law Enforcement Training this fall or I'm not going to make it through all the running and especially the pushups (my upper body strength bites). Luckily for me, I'm pretty sure our apartment gym just got the new Bowflex they were talking about getting...I saw the old weight machine sitting out on the pool deck the other day! I LOVE Bowflexes but don't have the money or room to own one personally, so this will be great! Hopefully, DBF will exercise with me, he's a cop so he should be able to coach me re: what I need to work on to survive BLET, plus he's been eating all my healthy but fatty Atkins cooking and eating junk too on the side, so he's getting a bit of a tummy. He seems pretty willing to help me out though. :-)

Nikki

Adele (142 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 10+ years
Maintaining at goal 7+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Other than eating two meals a day instead of the 3 or 4 I really need for efficient weight loss, I'm doing pretty good, eating clean, and feeling good. I have an interview on Thursday for a new job that has nothing to do with food, and I just now fixed my siggie. Life is pretty good.

Nikki
----------
Age 26 and 5'9"
Atkins since 12/29/04
HW 235
SW 205
CW 165
GW 155

Dragon still pops up sometimes, usually at weird times. I was picking at the iceberg lettuce in my boyfriend's salad at IHOP today (his stomach has been funky so he wasn't all that hungry), and all of a sudden I REALLY wanted some of his honey mustard dressing (he had it on the side). I mean to the point that for a moment there I seriously thought about having "just a taste". Luckily a moment later leading with the diet kicked in, and instead of dipping just a liiiiiiiiiiittle bit of lettuce in his dressing and eating it, I just quit picking at his salad. Once my food got there I pretty much lost all interest in his salad dressing anyway. :-)

Living with my boyfriend is working out well so far. The kitchen is, as predicted, pretty much my domain, and Jon's been pretty good about not bringing in foods that might overly tempt me on a PMS-y sort of day.

Things are pretty good.

Nikki

----------
Age 26 and 5'9"
Atkins since 12/29/04
HW 235
SW 205
CW 165
GW 155

OTOH, on my way down the first time I stalled for 4-6 months at about this same point...bouncing around between about 162 and 166. This may be one of those "rest stops" for my body...I was 165ish for quite awhile in high school.

I've had a lot more cravings than normal lately. I think it's just my impending period, but to be on the safe side, I think I'm going to stop eating out. I'm pretty careful and my 7.5 years of working in kitchens has pretty much taught me all the right questions to ask and a lot of the foods to avoid, but I suspect I'll be better off if I prepare all (or at least the vast majority of) my food myself. If nothing else I can probably eliminate a lot of sodium this way.

Until next week!

Nikki
----------
Age 26 and 5'9"
Atkins since 12/29/04
HW 235
SW 205
CW 165.5
GW 155

Abiding. Sometimes, abiding really sucks.

For the most part, most of my friends and family are more or less respectful if not understanding of my way of eating. This past week, however, I went out for dinner (for my former roomie's birthday) with a group that's, well, not.

I had a light beer, several huge glasses of water, wings, and a yummy Greek salad with blackened tuna on top. Things went OK until my former roomie ordered some enormous chocolate cake/whipped cream/ice cream/fudge concoction (with spoons for all) and started up the "Cmooooon Nikki, have some yummy life-giving caaaaaaaaarbs", which prompted a recounting/discussion of the party back in December where "you should've seen how hard it was to get her to eat just ONE jellybean". I reminded them that I had not stopped at just ONE jellybean, and if I was to eat just ONE bite of that chocolate monstrosity I would not stop at just ONE bite either. They pestered awhile longer and then moved on to other things, but the important thing is, none of that darn thing passed my lips, unlike with the Jellybean Incident of December.

Abide abide abide. That one is by far the hardest of Adele's trinity, but it's also the one that'll get you the best results on the scale.

But good lord it sucks sometimes.

Nikki
----------
Age 26 and 5'9"
Atkins since 12/29/04
HW 235
SW 205
CW 164.5
GW 155

It does, sistah, it does, but you still gotta do it. ALL of life’s hard work sucks on some level, no? But that doesn’t mean that we can or even should find ways to make everything easier, because often there is nothing more satisfying than seeing the efforts of hard work.

They pestered awhile longer and then moved on to other things, but the important thing is, none of that darn thing passed my lips, unlike with the Jellybean Incident of December.

The other important thing is they did stop. Most (mature) adults will grow tired of pestering.

The bigger picture however, and perhaps you’ve got a year to cogitate on this, is whether it’s enjoyable enough for you to agree to spend more of your time with people (a whole group of them?) who pester, whether you’ll keep agreeing to do it every year. Maybe you don’t spend any more time with these people (drastic), maybe you just don’t go out to eat with these people, maybe you go out and abide. All are responses—boundaries—you can consider.

As we say to the 3-year-old getting hit at the preschool where I work (as we are pulling bodies apart), “you can say stop, you can find someone else to play with who doesn’t hit you.” No, of course it’s not that simple, but that’s the place to start....

Abide abide abide. That one is by far the hardest of Adele's trinity, but it's also the one that'll get you the best results on the scale. But good lord it sucks sometimes.

It is often the hardest. Like all of this, it ebbs and flows, and yes it shorely do suck somedays.

Adele (143 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 10+ years
Maintaining at goal 7+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Cutting them out completely is a bit drastic, but considering that I now live an hour and a half away from them, and with gas prices being what they are, I don't think there's going to be TOO much extra abiding going on.

I figure that as much of a pain as it is, and as much as it really does piss me off, it's one of those "character-building experiences" that ultimately helps me function as a lowcarber in a carb-oriented society. Or maybe I have a bit of a martyr complex. LOL. I dunno. Prolly a little of column A and a little of column B.

Nikki
----------
Age 26 and 5'9"
Atkins since 12/29/04
HW 235
SW 205
CW 164
GW 155

None of my non-foodservice jobs that I've applied for recently have worked out, so I'm switching gears and trying a new aspect...pizza delivery. A friend of mine is getting me a job at Domino's. Fortunately for me, I have never really liked Domino's pizza much. :-) Unfortunately for me, I have a history of trouble diet-wise when I work at places where there's nothing legal I can eat, and I don't really expect that there'll be anything I can eat at Domino's. 'Course last time that was the case was during my particularly "dirty" eating streak after I got sick last summer. Really, with adequate planning and providing, this should be a breeze.

Nikki
----------
Age 26 and 5'9"
Atkins since 12/29/04
HW 235
SW 205
CW 164
GW 155

Yesterday I hit 162 even, which I think is the lightest I've been since I got back on track almost 11 weeks ago. Haven't been able to weigh myself properly today (I stayed over at my parents' house last night so my scale's an hour and a half away, and I don't trust my parents' scale, it looks "off" (though it was telling me I'm 158 fully dressed, that was definitely nice but also unlikely). TOM is over and I'm hoping to see some good things real soon. :-)

I've got another challenge coming up end of June. I'm supposed to go to the mountains and stay in a cabin with my boyfriend and most of his family, and his brother's fiancee's family. Sounds like fun but diet-wise it's always extremely unsettling to be in a situation like that. I'm having Jon volunteer me to be the official chef for the week...as much as I hate the restaurant industry I DO love to cook, and since the low-carb way of eating is typically a total mystery to people who are not doing it, it might be better for everyone concerned if I do the cooking. Hopefully that will be OK. Jon doesn't seem to think it'll be a problem.

Also, speaking of the restaurant industry, it looks like I'm going to get that pizza delivery job, so hopefully pretty soon I'm going to be out of kitchens, for the most part. I tried to get a job that was completely unrelated to foodservice, but unfortunately there wasn't much out there that pays better than minimum wage. And like I said before, I don't really like Dominos pizza, sure it smells good, but it's never been one of my favorites, so I should be OK just smelling it. :-)

Ok, all done for now!

Nikki
----------
Age 26 and 5'9"
Atkins since 12/29/04
HW 235
SW 205
CW 162
GW 155

Nikki
----------
Age 26 and 5'9"
Atkins since 12/29/04
HW 235
SW 205
CW 163
GW 155

Now that I've got a clear head from almost 3.5 months of clean eating, it's easy to spot addictive behavior in others.

I was reading Jimmy Moore's "Livin La Vida Lowcarb" blog last night, apparently he got sloppy with his Atkins diet, put some weight back on, "went back to Induction but stalled", and now he's decided to become a Kimkins affiliate and has gone on low-carb, very-low calorie Kimkins in order to "quickly" lose his last 50 lbs (he intends to go back on Atkins Maintenance when he gets to goal). He freely admits to using low-carb bread, chocolate, muffins, etc. "I'm not doing STRICT Kimkins". Sigh.

An "Anonymous" poster, who I suspect is probably somebody I know, called him on his addictive behavior and pointed out that if he cleaned up his Atkins diet and ditched the methadone products, that probably would've been sufficient, not to mention healthier than a plan that has about 5 different versions variously calling for between 500-1000 calories a day, which isn't even enough for the BMR of a comatose dwarf let alone an active normal-sized currently 229.5 lb man.

In typical addict fashion, Moore jumped on "Anonymous", accusing them of trying to run his life, saying he can do what he damn well pleases, accused the person in question of having no life if they're concerned about what other people are doing (I submit that he who puts his life up on his own popular lowcarb blog for public perusal and comment is inviting opinion), and (!) called the poster a hater and a pimp. ::blinkblink::

That really brought me back to a few months ago when I sucked it up, hauled my bloated, addicted, carbfogged-up tail back to this board, and laid it out, and even though I wanted it and asked for it, Adele's straightforward (and spot-on) evaluation of my state of being pissed me off (LOL Adele, I'm glad I didn't call you a pimp) ;-)

For us addicted eaters, the process of coming to abstinence is soooo much like Kubler-Ross's Stages of Dying/Grief:
* Denial (I'm not an addict, I can handle sugar and flour in moderation.)
* Anger (Other people can eat sugar and flour, dammit, it's not fair!)
* Bargaining (Ok, so I can't handle flour and sugar, but this ice cream says "No Sugar Added" so it must be OK)
* Depression (Screw it. I'm a failure. Pass the Twinkies.)
* Acceptance (I cannot now and never will be able to eat like a "normal person". It's not a personal failing on my part, it just is what it is and I yam what I yam.)

We addicts really do have a tendency to want to address everything but the actual problem, we'd rather eliminate good fats and veggies from our diet to keep the very LC methadone foods that are stalling us, we'd rather spend money trying "carb blocker" pills than give up sugar completely. We justify our poor choices with self-BS about "quality of life" and "if I didn't eat methadone food I'd probably go off the diet entirely, so it's OK", while ignoring the plain truth that the methadone food is keeping the cravings alive in the first place!

Oy, and just a couple months ago I was in this very same place. Scary!

Nikki
----------
Age 26 and 5'9"
Atkins since 12/29/04
HW 235
SW 205
CW 164
GW 155

Weight is still bouncing around between 162-165, just as it's been doing for most of the last 3.5 months.

I'm starting to think I've hit a yeast wall, and I reckon it would make sense after the weeks of hardcore antibiotics I was on last summer when I was sick with my renal abscess. My skin problems (seborrheic dermatitis) have been extra bad since then as well. I hadn't been on antibiotics for years before last summer, so maybe I didn't have so much of a yeast problem the first time around, and that's why I lost relatively easily compared to now.

Right now I'm just kinda trying to come to terms with what I'm probably going to have to do to get back to goal. I thought about just stopping here between 162-165 and saying "Good Enough", after all, I'm at a "normal" BMI albeit barely (168 seems to be the cutoff point, weight-wise, for me). But I'm not happy here. I still feel fat. I want my 155 back...at 5'9" I don't think that's unreasonable. I want to be able to wear the 10s again and the occasional 9 or 8. I have a bunch of clothes from goal last year that I cannot currently wear. My 12s and 14s are simply not good enough.

It's probably about time to move into KISS. Adele, where do I start???

Nikki
----------
Age 26 and 5'9"
Atkins since 12/29/04
HW 235
SW 205
CW 163.5
GW 155

Have you been CONSISTENTLY doing that, or are you merely “not cheating”?

Just remember that moving in a cleaner direction is a step that is likely to need to be relatively permanent. As I explain in Why You Won’t Find the Rules of “Gold Standard Lowcarb” Here, it seems dangerously easy to get into a yo-yo pattern with cleaner lowcarb and the results of doing that seem to be especially health/metabolism damaging. My observation about yeast is that it’s not something you can cure yourself of, much like diabetes, you can only control it. But one sure-fire way to ensure yeast worsens and gets an even stronger foothold in your system over time is to bounce on and off clean lowcarb and total crap binges.

So, if you’re merely “not cheating”, but not eating mindful lowcarb, I think the best place to start is A Better Approach for Chronically Restarting Lowcarbers. From knowing you for several years, I sense that your body is exquisitely sensitive to anything grain, so be especially careful to eliminate those, and don’t forget that includes corn-derived sugars such as dextrose and maltodextrin which almost always appear in any processed food.

If/when you stall out on that approach, I think the next step is to remove every speck of dairy, all processed meats and special category foods, and anything fungal or fermented (mushrooms, vinegar, soy sauce, etc.) from that.

So, go slowly and gently with this, sorta with your eyes wide open. We addicts tend to want to go after our problems (and sometimes other people, especially if they have the nerve to question what we're doing) with sledge hammers. Can you see that the guy you mentioned recently is using a crash diet instead of mindfully (boringly!) fixing what he's doing wrong?

You cannot approach these changes as a special, temporary phase of your diet. I do think you already know that, but knowing and doing, well...you’ve seen the differences between those two things in others, right? (grin).

Please keep us posted Nikki.

Adele (141 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 10+ years
Maintaining at goal 7+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Last Edited on 22-Jun-2007 4:42 AM

Nikki
----------
Age 26 and 5'9"
Atkins since 12/29/04
HW 235
SW 205
CW 163
GW 155

Nikki
----------
Age 26 and 5'9"
Atkins since 12/29/04
HW 235
SW 205
CW 163
GW 155

I hit a new recent low weight of 161.5 this morning. I have not previously been able to get under 162 since goal last year.

I spent a few days tracking calories and carbs on Fitday and have a much better perspective now on how much I have to eat. Apparently I'd forgotten. It's a lot of food and I have trouble eating it all most days, but I've added in some higher-carb but Induction-legal veggies like winter squash, turnips, and snap peas to make it easier, plus a few carrots here and there (I made beef stew last night with turnips, radishes, carrots, celery, onions, and tomato paste). I thought I was eating a lot of veggies before, now I'm eating a lot more. Almost all of the 30-45 or so net carbs I've been eating daily are coming from veggies, minus maybe 3 or 4 for eggs and cheese.

I have also stayed off diet soda (in fact, all sources of artificial sweetener and/or caffeine) for a week now. I cut dairy down to butter and just a couple ounces of hard cheese per day. I will probably try adding dairy back in gradually when I get back to goal but I'm still at least 6.5 lbs away from that.

It also seems that I need a new scale. My 2.5 year old lithium battery digital Healthometer first told me this AM that I weighed 159.5, while I liked seeing the number I knew I weighed 163 yesterday, so 159.5 was unlikely. Re-weighing a couple times consistently told me 161.5, which seems more realistic. It's been doing this for awhile now, underweighing me on the first weigh, and since the battery is not meant to be replaceable, it's probably about time for a Wal-Mart run.

In other news, I have a new kitten to chase around.

Nikki
----------
Age 26 and 5'9"
Atkins since 12/29/04
HW 235
SW 205
CW 161.5
GW 155

159.4 this morning. Got a new scale a couple days ago (with a replaceable 9v battery instead of one of those sealed-up lithium batteries that when it goes, the scale has to be junked). It's one of those fancy schmancy body-fat analyzing scales, but I haven't bothered yet to read the instructions on how to use that particular feature.

I am losing very fast, at the rate of around a half pound a day or so. This is much closer to the rate at which I previously lost on Atkins. My clothes are definitely looser. I am entertaining the notion of trying for 150 or maybe 145. 145 is about the lowest I would seriously consider going.

First things first though. Let's see how 155 works for me these days.

Time to go shovel in some veggies and meat!

Nikki
----------
Age 26 and 5'9"
Atkins since 12/29/04
HW 235
SW 205
CW 159.4
GW 155

There is no magic to this, it’s mostly math. Get the calories right, get the percentages right, get the foods right (real, single-ingredient foods, not processed), get the GOOD carbs up (veggies ARE the “magic” usually missing ingredient), get rid of the crap (the bargains), and the body will thank you a thousand-fold.

When we decide to give our body the best, it gives its best back to us. Fight or surrender, the body is in charge. As I’ve said ad nauseum, the way to having it all is to have none of it; we win only if we Surrender.

Keep going, slowly, gently...

Adele (142 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 10+ years
Maintaining at goal 7+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Yesterday I finished the process of signing up for Basic Law Enforcement Training! My orientation is Aug 13th and classes start the next week. It's going to provide another interesting nutritional challenge for me, as I'm going to be working all morning and afternoon and then probably going pretty much straight to BLET. Consequently, I'm really going to have to master the art of the portable cooler and advance cooking. I will also probably have to recalculate my daily calories to take into account all the pushups, sit-ups, and running I'm going to be doing. I can hardly imagine eating MORE than I'm eating now!

Nikki
----------
Age 26 and 5'9"
Atkins since 12/29/04
HW 235
SW 205
CW 157.8
GW 155

As you can probably tell from my current siggy compared to my last siggy, I'm still struggling with eating enough food. I know that if I don't eat around 1800 and at the very least 1500 calories a day, I gain, but it's really hard for me to eat that much.

I am still off artificial sweetener and caffeine. I experimentally had a bite of sugar-free Jello the other night and almost barfed. I couldn't even finish a small spoonful. I have no taste for sweet anymore, and yet I still want it. Ugh. The dragon is constantly grumbling for his diet soda, whipped cream, and meringue cookies that I used to enjoy but haven't touched in a couple months.

I guess my best bet would be to strictly schedule my meals, and to start designating a "cooking day" to make a lot of stuff ahead of time. Sunday evenings would probably be best for that. I have always resisted cooking in bulk ahead of time because I really dislike leftovers, but something's gotta give here, especially considering I'm going to hardly have ANY time to cook for the next 6 months when I'm doing BLET at night and working during the day. What freezes good?

Nikki
----------
Age 26 and 5'9"
Atkins since 12/29/04
HW 235
SW 205
CW 162
GW 155

I’d suggest increasing your vegetable carbs Nikki...maybe add some carrots or winter squashes into your diet if those work for you. When calories are low and ketosis is too deep, I think that over-suppresses appetite. I’ve noticed that in people who are prone to not eating enough, the hunger dam always eventually breaks, and when it finally does it’s extra easy for them to rationalize “hey, I’ve been undereating for a while now, a day or two of overeating, you know, just a little, that shouldn’t hurt now (there’s the old bargain/diet mentality sneaking back in). I know you’ve seen what happens.

Whether over-eater or under-eater, the common challenge is to even out our food intake, to get it firm and steady. Consistency is a key. That sets the foundation from which we can go on and deal with all the emotional behaviors we’ve woven into our pattern.

I’d be curious as to what your Fitday pie chart looks like. In my opinion, an “ideal” one for where you are right now is about 25% protein, about 60% fat and about 15% carbs (all “good” anti-yeast ones of course for you right now.) Consistently eating enough carbs will keep your hunger levels much more even.

I guess my best bet would be to strictly schedule my meals, and to start designating a "cooking day" to make a lot of stuff ahead of time. Sunday evenings would probably be best for that. I have always resisted cooking in bulk ahead of time because I really dislike leftovers, but something's gotta give here, especially considering I'm going to hardly have ANY time to cook for the next 6 months when I'm doing BLET at night and working during the day. What freezes good?

I don’t know about strictly scheduling meals exactly, but I would make it top priority that you are evenly fueled and of course planning ahead and seeing that you always have suitable food with you (in a cooler if necessary) is the way to see that that happens. I’m in an insanely stressful and busy period myself right now, I’ll write a bit about that in my own thread just as soon as I can get to it. Anyway, I’m sitting here as I write to you eating my lunch which is ½ pound of cooked frozen green beans seasoned with pork drippings and 1/2 pound of crumbled cooked ground turkey. The beans are a freezer staple I never run out of, and the same with cooked ground turkey in ½ pound containers in my freezer. I put that lunch together in as long as it took to cook the green beans in the microwave while I did something else. I cook the turkey, 2 pounds at a time, divide and freeze for “emergencies” and unplanned times like today.

It’s a boring, fairly tasteless, really dumb lunch by most people’s standards, even my own. But it got the job done right now the same as a fancy one would have—like the ones that people sometimes ooh and ah over when I eat them at work. Either one will do the job, and 9 years into this, that is still priority #1 to me.

Other things I keep in my freezer are diced cooked poultry, usually chicken thighs, that I have cut up and frozen in one-serving zip-bags to put on top of cooked frozen vegetables or lettuce, etc. for a salad. I recently saw pre-cooked fresh chicken breast with nothing but canola oil added in the refrigerator section of Trader Joe’s. More expensive than making my own, but handy if that’s an issue.

I rarely go a day where I don’t have time to have ONE freshly cooked meal, besides breakfast, even quickly. Grilling out or using a Foreman-style grill is a fast way to have a fresh hot entré to help make up for those times when lunch was as dumb as mine is today.

Keep us posted Nikki.

Adele (140 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 10+ years
Maintaining at goal 7+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Last Edited on 17-Aug-2007 9:39 AM

Not to me. I think you would do better to double (or almost) the carbs, and if you have to drop calories (quite possibly you don’t), cut protein a little, not fat.

I'm still trying to get my brain around the idea that food doesn't always have to be delicious or a big production...7.5 years in the restaurant industry, y'know.

I thought yesterday after I wrote you about my boring meal yesterday that in my old days/ways, on a time-crunch day like yesterday, I would have probably eaten (or should I say STARTED eating, lol) something like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, which quickly would have turned into (OWTHIMAW) three or more sandwiches, then I would have been tired and would have had to lay down, yada yada. Boring meals are a regular happening for crap-eaters too, I think that’s easy to forget. In our culture of more more more, better better better, it’s getting easier and easier to lose sight of the fact that restaurant quality fare is, theoretically at least, supposed to be special, which in this context means infrequent and unusual, the opposite of everyday.

This morning I have already been to Sam’s Club, I’m restocked, I’m having a cooking/freezing day. I bought some lovely beef which I am planning on making into a hearty stir-fry tonight, with onion, zucchini, yellow squash, broccoli, red pepper, carrots and celery. I’m looking forward to that not just tonight, but probably two more days of lunches (better than yesterday’s, lol) as well.

But I have no doubt that there are more ordinary, boring turkey-and-something lunches in my future. That makes tonight's dinner even more special.

Eat more veggies Nikki and keep in touch!

Adele (141 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 10+ years
Maintaining at goal 7+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Yesterday I weighed in at 162. This morning I was 159.8.

I portioned up the rest into 1 cup portions and stuck 'em in Ziploc bags in the freezer. I had a cup of it with breakfast. I love mashed rutabaga and I'm probably going to have to be pretty strict with myself to keep it to 1 cup a day. I could easily go overboard on them if I don't watch it, but so far things are looking good.

I also bought a fresh butternut squash (sigh...still no sign of frozen diced butternut squash), a BIG bag of fresh turnips, and several bags of frozen veggies. One of them is an Italian blend that includes lima beans, but I'm not a big fan of limas anyway so I'll probably wind up picking them out.

I got some canned green beans and canned carrots as well. Will proceed with caution on the carrots. Best I could do for canned winter squash was some canned pumpkin. I got some of that too.

Today I'm going to a baby shower. I'm eating before I go and bringing a couple big bottles of water. Probably there will be a cake. If "No thanks" isn't an adequate explanation, I'll tell them that me and wheat don't get along real well. It's the truth and I've yet to have that one fail me to get someone off my back about "oh c'mon just one bite won't hurt!" People don't always respect diets, but usually they DO respect allergies or implied allergies. :-)

Nikki
----------
Age 26 and 5'9"
Atkins since 12/29/04
HW 235
SW 205
CW 159.8
GW 155

We start PT next week in academy. Today we're starting the "Physical Fitness" classroom stuff. The nutrition recommendations are...well...not low-carb. I shall try not to snicker too loudly in class. ;-) Also, the weight chart in our materials recommends that a female of my height and build should be between 139-153 lbs, in light summer clothes and shoes. Ok, if they say so...but I was pretty happy at 155 butt nekkid.

Ok, gotta go eat before class!

Nikki
----------
Age 26 and 5'9"
Atkins since 12/29/04
HW 235
SW 205
CW 160
GW 155

We started PT in BLET, which translates to 4 days a week of pretty hardcore exercise of various types. Ever since, my weight's been steadily increasing. I gained nearly 5 lbs in about a week and a half. Getting on the scale and seeing 168 was freaking me out, even though I KNEW "your clothes still fit, it's muscle, so chill out!" So I've gotten off the scale for now and am relying on the way my clothes fit and measuring about once a week. I know from past experience that when I start exercising hard and regularly the first thing that happens is I gain weight fast for a couple weeks, plateau, and then the scale DIVES as the fat starts coming off. My eating is good. I will be OK. :-)

Life is pretty good otherwise. PT is kicking my previously fairly sedentary tail, but I think I'll be okay by March. I was able to do 60 sit-ups (in sets of 20 with running 2 laps around the gym between each set) yesterday whereas a few weeks ago I was barely able to do 8. I still cannot do a military push-up worth crap, but my girly pushups are getting better. Most of my problems in PT have to do with my really awful upper-body strength. I've got wimpy arms, but I'm working on 'em. :-)

Nikki
----------
Age 26 and 5'9"
Atkins since 12/29/04
HW 235
SW 205
CW ?
GW 155

Well, of course I sure wish you’d just go ahead and watch the scale, watch what your body does, don’t be so darned afraid of how you will feel about it. I do hope you weigh once a week. But yes, if your eating really is good, seriously good, you WILL be okay.

Keep us posted Nikki.

Adele (142 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 11+ years
Maintaining at goal 7+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Ok I feel a little better now. Meh.

I'm having trouble with PT in class (those dang military pushups, no knees allowed, still can't even do 1 of them yet), and the instructors are positive that Atkins is to blame. Never mind that I couldn't do pushups worth crap even BEFORE Atkins, never mind that I'm improving on everything else (took 2:20 off my mile and a half since we started, can do 4x the situps in a minute than I could before, I'm benching more weight, etc). They are pretty much demanding that I start eating carbs. Apparently veggie carbs are not good enough (yeah, I was told this). They want me eating cereal for breakfast (!), a WHITE baked potato with lunch (!!), whole grain this and that, and snacking on protein bars (no effing chance, not after the Great Atkins Bar Fiasco of 2006-2007).

I know exactly where these recommendations will get me, especially white potatoes and wheat products. I am not even gonna talk about bars because they are NOT FREAKING GOING TO HAPPEN. And yet I'm really scared. Mostly scared of getting all the way through this class (PT midterms are in like 7 weeks) STILL not able to do any or enough pushups, failing the class, and then being told it's my own fault because I refused to follow the instructions I was given. I tried to explain about food addiction and how much worse I was before Atkins, and how eating grains and white potatoes are a slippery slope for me. As usual when people don't understand about food addiction, I was told I needed to practice "self control". What the F do they think Atkins is, anyway? It IS my freakin' self control.

Sigh. I'm terrified. I don't WANT to eat cereal and grain and "carbage" for breakfast. I don't WANT to eat white rice and white potatoes with lunch and dinner. I flatly refuse to get started on energy bars again. I REALLY don't want to upset my uneasy peace with food that I've reestablished over the last several months. I remember what happened last time I upset it and my body still hasn't completely recovered. I also don't want to flunk out or drop out of the class that I've already devoted so much time and energy to. I really don't know what to do anymore.

Even though I really don't want to, and the very notion is bringing me to tears right now, I'm strongly considering switching, for now, to something semi-low carb like the later stages of South Beach or maybe even The Zone. The thought is making me queasy as hell but I don't really know what else to do. My pushups right now are not really getting any better, I'm already taking a lot of flak from my instructors, I don't really believe that getting off Atkins will help my pushups any (probably quite the contrary), but the instructors do, and like I said, I at least want to be able to tell them "I followed your advice", if it all comes down to it and I still can't cut it. I'm working out 5-6 days a week now, and 3-4 of them are pretty hardcore workouts.

So I guess IF I do this, which I guess I better make up my mind on soon with midterms just 7 weeks away, I'm going to put out that scale, get on it daily, and if my weight goes up 10 lbs from where it is now, my tail goes back on super-strict Atkins and they're not talking me out of it again. Likewise if I find myself in a severe carb fog and start having trouble paying attention/staying awake in class like I did back in high school and college. I've got a 96 average right now on my first 10 tests and I'm not about to let that just slip away. Course if I can't do enough pushups by the end of the class, my 96 average won't matter. I'll fail the class.

If I do this, I'm gonna try to stay away from refined grains and "whites". I remember back in my early days of Premaintenance the first time around I found a sprouted grain bread that had no salt or sugar or flour in it. Might try that again if I can find it around here. I'm kinda hoping I don't find it, to be honest, but I think I've seen it somewhere. I'm steering way clear of pasta and white rice. Might try wild rice. Dreamfields and I already have a history and I'm not going there again. Gonna keep my veggies and protein up. Not sure what to do about fat.

Ugh. I soooooo do not want this. This is a freaking Pandora's Box. I don't know what else to do. Help.

Nikki

----------
Age 26 and 5'9"
Atkins since 12/29/04
HW 235
SW 205
CW 165
GW 155

From “knowing” you for years now, long before this site existed, I can tell you I feel about 200% certain that your body cannot tolerate wheat (or any other gluten-containing grain, like barley, spelt, etc.) and I feel about 100% certain it would not do well with any other grain, most especially corn and probably not oats either.

I guess if I were in your shoes, and I decided to continue with this training, what I would do is add plain baked yams to my diet, to whatever percentage level “they” think would be optimum for carbohydrate intake. If you must add a carb-dense food, to me yams are BY FAR the safest. (And I think if/when I were discussing this whole issue with them, I would refer to fat, carbohydrate and protein levels and not get into what your actual food choices were to fulfill their idea of optimum.)

If your problems/limitations are being affected by your too-low carb level, this would certainly reveal to them and to you the answer to that. And while an experiment using yams might well leave the door on Pandora’s slightly ajar, you will not have blown the friggin’ thing off as I feel wheat and grains almost surely would.

Don’t forget to show charts with percentages to the people, if they really do NEED to know what you’re eating.

Report back here with results honey.

Adele (141 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 11+ years
Maintaining at goal 7+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

I hated doing it but I did it. Last Wednesday I had a serving of Irish oatmeal (somewhat undercooked as to hopefully be less digestable, hehehe) with breakfast, and a sandwich made with flourless sprouted-grain bread for lunch. I would've liked to just do this with yams but I was told by my instructor that yams/sweet potatoes were Not Good Enough. (Yes, seriously she told me that I need to eat cereals, bread, and WHITE potatoes). I was 163.8 that morning, and two days later was up to 169.6. Also sort of gassy, brainfoggy, and definitely bloated. Craved, too, but I expected that and planned accordingly. Weight dropped slightly on Saturday to 167.something, didn't weigh in today. Ate lowcarb clean since Wednesday night since I haven't had PT since then (we did driver training Friday and Saturday whereas I'd have normally had PT those days).

Tomorrow is a PT day, so I'm going to do it again, unfortunately. I'm actually sort of looking forward to hitting 173.8 lbs so I can tell the instructor that despite her repeated assurances that now that I'm exercising heavily, eating "carbs" on the days I have PT won't make me gain weight, I've put on 10 lbs in X days and I'm not going to do it her way any more. Even though I know most if not all of the weight I'm gaining for now is water weight, that's still extra weight I've gotta try to do pushups with.

Ugh.

Nikki

----------
Age 26 and 5'9"
Atkins since 12/29/04
HW 235
SW 205
CW 165
GW 155

I can't do it anymore, not the way my instructor wants me to. I've been following her instructions faithfully for a week, tried to believe her assurances that now that I'm exercising, I won't gain weight if I "eat carbs" on workout days, and now I'm done. I'm not up to that 10 lb cutoff point yet but I'm close enough and stopping anyway. I'm bloated and craving and foggy. I'm going to increase my carbs, but I'm going to do it on MY terms now, with foods I know I'll have minimal if any trouble with. My body tolerates things like beans and sweet potatoes and winter squash much better than it does grain. I'm going to use THOSE to raise my carbs instead.

Nikki
----------
Age 26 and 5'9"
Atkins since 12/29/04
HW 235
SW 205
CW 165
GW 155

Extra weight and brain fog and impaired body function—maybe even some body damage—and what they will get for your trouble is...as you well know, someone who is not even close to the best—or the REAL—Nikki. A drugged-down Nikki. Ugh indeed.

There are all kinds of things I want to say to you here Nikki.

But I’m holding my tongue until after you update us. Soon. Please!

Adele (142 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 11+ years
Maintaining at goal 8+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Like I said this AM, I've had enough of my instructor's dietary instructions. IMO it shouldn't matter, energy-wise, whether I'm getting carbs from grains and white potatoes or from beans, sweet potatoes, and veggies. 80-90 grams of carbs is 80-90 grams of carbs, dang it, the only difference is the way it's going to affect me on other fronts.

I tried it her way for a week. I feel like poo. I'm bloated, I'm crave-y, my weight's going up, and I've had enough, even without hitting 173.8. And I've been so nervous for the last week that I bit my nails all down to the quick, which I hadn't done for over a year now. Ugh.

Back to what I know works for Nikki.

Nikki
----------
Age 26 and 5'9"
Atkins since 12/29/04
HW 235
SW 205
CW 165
GW 155

I don't think I want to discuss my diet or my weight or anything with any of the unfortunately well-meaning people that are trying to help me anymore, because the other day I told a few of them that my weight was going up on the regimen the instructor gave me (and it was NOT muscle, it was at that point mostly water bloat). Today at remedial PT my instructor forbade me (!) from getting on a scale until the class is done
(March).

Excuse me? How old am I anyway? Weighing every day or at least almost every day has been really important for me in keeping my weight at sane and healthy levels. And now I'm not supposed to weigh for about 4.5 months so I "won't get freaked out by the increase on the scale from the muscle I'm gaining and stop eating"? Ummmm...no.

It really irks me how all these people treat me like a little child (I'm pushing 27 for chrissake, some of them are younger than me!), and how all of them seem to think they know how I eat now (most of them haven't even asked what or how much I do eat on Atkins), and how they all think they know exactly how my body works. The one person in my class who seems to have any inkling of what food addiction is like is the guy who lost 105 lbs on Weight Watchers. He and I have pretty different dietary philosophies but when it comes down to it, we're the ones passing up the Krispy Kremes and the pizza and the Halloween candy and whatever else people bring in. It helps. At least ONE person in the class understands why just one WILL hurt, even if we're approaching weight loss from two different directions.

I guess it's just a boundary that I'm going to have to learn to set. I've ditched the grains the instructor had me eating and set out for myself specific carbier foods that won't bother me like grains do. I'm doing my own thing now and it's not negotiable anymore, nor is it up for discussion, not with my classmates, not with my instructors.

One of my classmates told me last night that I shouldn't worry about my diet until after the class is done because it would be better to pass the class and be 10 lbs heavier than to lose/maintain weight and fail. Seems to me that's a narrow view that doesn't leave much room for the other possibilities: be 10 lbs heavier and fail anyway, be 30 lbs heavier and fail anyway, or pass without gaining (fat) weight (which is what I'm trying to achieve).

I really don't want to quit BLET but I'm so frustrated and sick of how small people are making me feel. I know they don't mean to. I guess I'm going to have to grow a pair (figuratively of course, hehe) and set that boundary and stick to it.

Nikki

----------
Age 26 and 5'9"
Atkins since 12/29/04
HW 235
SW 205
CW 165
GW 155

Things have been crazy somewhat the last couple months what with the holidays and BLET. But the holidays are over and this past weekend I quit BLET. :-\ I've still got really mixed feelings about that, since I only had one month left to go, but I think it will be better for everyone in the end. I had the highest test average in the class, but consistently struggled with various practicals. What I really need is a job taking tests. Since as far as I know there's no such thing as that, I'm considering getting a job as a dispatcher...then I'll be on the end of the radio that it doesn't matter if I can shoot a shotgun accurately in the dark or subdue a combative suspect.

My weight is finally moving down from where it was. It got up into the mid-high 170's.

I got engaged on my birthday (Nov. 20)! I don't think I've posted since before then. The wedding planning was a little delayed (my parents went on vacation right after Xmas and just got back a week and a half ago), but things are rolling along smoothly. ::knock on wood:: We've got a date set for Oct. 4th. I plan to make my own wedding cake (or at least a tier or two of it), so that I'll have something I won't have to worry about eating. People keep telling me "it's your WEDDING, don't WORRY about it", but I think I've tested that "don't worry about it just this once" theory often enough that I know what the result will be. So at least one tier of that thing is going to be a homemade low-carb cheesecake (I want to know EXACTLY what went into it), and I'm going to talk to the caterer about making sure that there's stuff I can eat at the reception. :-)

Anyhoo, that's about it for now!

----------
Age 27 and 5'9"
Atkins since 12/29/04
HW 235
SW 205
CW 168.5
GW 155

It’s almost exactly a year since you returned here. You’ve added a layer of interesting, challenging life experience, you started going down, returning to the purism you (begrudgingly?) acknowledged that your body needs, but ended up giving your power with that away (sorta willingly, I’d observe??) to your “trainers” even though I feel certain that you knew better, you did know where it would put you. Your weight is essentially the same as it was when you came in, and it seems you’ve had to struggle (and bargain?) hard to get and hold that.

The best I can come up with in response is your very own words here of March 16, 2007…

I've done a [clean] week many a time in the last several months. OTOH unlike previous times I have gone back as of late to some coping strategies (good ones) that I used back in the day as a Purist that I'd kinda let fall by the wayside...in particular I've made liberal use of my favorite craving-busting tuna salad recipe. Sure enough, it still works. :-) The best thing I know to do right now is just get back to basics and quit eating anything that I wouldn't have eaten back in Induction/early-mid OWL.

Congratulations on your engagement. I’d ask, where do you expect to go from here honey? How much do you want to weigh on October 4 and, perhaps even more importantly with a big life event/deadline coming up—where will you most likely be six months from then? (Danger danger, Will Robinson.) Again from knowing how long you’ve been an online lowcarber, I KNOW you’ve seen what most people in this situation will choose. I SO want you to choose better! It’s time to get clear and serious AND CONSISTENT Nikki. (And unfortunately that’s not a written test either.)

I really am glad you stuck around here Nikki. You know I think you are capable of good good things for yourself. You CAN do this. Will you? Keep us posted.

Adele
(144 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 11+ years
Maintaining at goal 8+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

I had something of a realization yesterday that I've got just over 5 months till my wedding, and if I don't get my tail on track NOW and hardcore, odds are frighteningly against my being able to wear my awesomely spiffy wedding dress without extensive (and expensive) alterations. And it's not like I can exchange it for a bigger size...it's not returnable and even if it was, it's a discontinued style and bigger sizes are really hard if not impossible to find. So I went to the grocery store and stocked up on plenty of good non-dragon feed. I'm going to kick my really bad diet soda habit (again) on Monday (I have Monday and Tuesday off work so I'll be able to ride out the caffeine withdrawals in relative peace).

Wedding planning has got me stressed out. I've got a guest list of about 100, which I would love to cut more or less in half for space, financial, and I-hate-standing-up-in-front-of-big-groups reasons. My solution was to make this thing an adults-only occasion, which would trim it considerably. My parents seem to be totally against this, and every time I start making noises about making it smaller, they pretty much pat me on the head and tell me it'll be OK as it is. DO NOT WANT!!!!! They also want me to provide alcohol (like a couple of kegs of beer). I was just going to do a champagne toast for the alcohol (actually mine's going to be diet ginger ale, hehe). It's a 1 PM wedding, how drunk do these people need to be at that hour anyway? If I keep this thing trimmed down to 50-60 people, I can with the help of my MOH and my MOH's mom easily handle the food for the reception without a caterer, but if there are going to be 80-90 people I'd have to suck it up and hire one. One of the things I liked about the location in the first place was that you could either bring your own food or choose your own caterer, instead of having to use "their" caterer.

Ugh. I knew this was all starting out waaaaaaaaay too smoothly.

But I digress. Will post updates.

----------
Age 27 and 5'9"
Atkins since 12/29/04
HW 235
SW 205
CW ??? didn't weigh this AM before eating
GW 155

Sigh, honey. It seems like you’ve been dietarily digressing (not cheating, just not really ON plan, c’mon you’re gaining weight, right?!) since your last post in March? Nikki, you have been doing this since you returned here more than a year ago. Honey, you’re putting more and more distance between yourself and regaining your sanity/success with each passing day. This is never going to get easier for you than it is right now. Do or do not do, there is no try. Your body needs you to do this, all it can give you in return for what you’re giving it now is weight gain, and emotional weakness (? see below) and depression. Is that how you want to lead into your married life?

You know how to DO. The only thing stopping you IS you.

And okay, despite the fact that it’s a little off-topic, I just can’t keep quiet about this:

Wedding planning has got me stressed out.

COURSE: ADULT BOUNDARIES AND LIMIT-SETTING 101

Day 1, Lesson I. If you pay for a social event then YOU are the one who gets to pat the heads of others and TELL them it’ll be okay. The Money Decides.

Final Exam: How many people have YOU decided to have at your wedding and what have YOU decided will be served to the guests at the reception?

Extra Credit: How relevant is it whether anyone else (mother or total stranger) is in total agreement with all your decisions?

Back in my day early days, before the insanity culture of more more, more, better, better, better, most weddings took place in the early afternoon at a church and the reception was an hour afterwards, with a lovely decorated cake and punch, nuts and mints reception in the church basement. Call it retro-charming.

Your day, your money, your decisions. All of ‘em.

Put limits on yourself (get back on clean eating girl!) AND on the ones who are trying to decide how you will spend your money. Boundaries, girlfriend. Yup, even on your parents, IF you’re paying

Adele (143 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 11+ years
Maintaining at goal 8+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com