What a wonderful site and thank you for it. I am here because of a referral from Suellen from the ANA discussion boards.

I began my journey a little overweight as a young teen and my mom took me to the pediatrican. He gave me a 1000 calorie a day diet to follow and thus, the beginning. That was 40 years ago. Since then I have been up and down but not necessarily from following weight loss crazes but some self prescribed, some with buddies coaching. I have been "normal" sized by society's standard for about 1/3 of my life. I have taken diet pills prescribed by doctors, followed WW by using someone else's booklets and the cookbook, dieted by food deprivation, joined OA with success for years and found my problem was with whites (especially sugar). I did find out even while in OA and abstaining from my drugs of choice (whites), one can still gain weight while eating acceptable food. I have now rediscovered low carbing, my second time around on ANA but this time with the help of the online support/message boards and lessons. I had great success with ANA for about 2 years but stress lead to stress lead to eating until numbness (funny how while my dad was dying, my ANA program was the strongest, though). Food is my drug of choice and eating until numbness sets in, falling asleep only to awaken and eat more just in case I didn't get to all my planned binge food. My size went up to 26 and that was tight (and I stopped weighing at about 215) and this was just before I joined OA (1992). When joining the ANA way of life in Aug. 2003, I found a haven in never being hungry, having to remind myself to eat (which I did). I am back again after having left the low carb life for about 9 or 10 months and a jump in 5 clothing sizes. I have been back about 2 months. I do not weigh as the scale is poison to me but I use an article of clothing to tell me the truth. I hope that is acceptable to you. It is a not forgiving, no elastic piece of clothing that has been my "scale" for years. I try it on maybe once every 2 or 3 weeks at the very most.

I appreciated the advice about choosing who you listen to on this site. I am grateful to Suellen for sending me here as I have a food addiction problem and as long as I stay away from my whites, I have a better handle on it. Low carb eating works for me one day at a time. I do plan my meals to some extent and always have a back up in case life gets in the way. I have leanred to carry food with me now so I don't get in a "situation". Sometimes my feelings are hurt when I allow myself to be bruised by someone in a discussion group and now after reading what was written by I believe Connie, I won't allow that any longer. Recently, I wrote in response to someone else's post that I can not be tied to a scale, weigh every day, because a scale makes me crazy. Someone wrote on the next posting under mine she has never had a weight problem, weighed every day since being a teen only to make sure she never gained more than a pound or two, have never been on a diet, some of us don't need to lose weight (I'm sure that is true). Then while on the same site but a different thread, I found postings by this same person about how many more pounds she has to lose. That in itself tells me what you wrote is so important; carefully choose whose advice you listen to.

Thank you for listening to my tale. Having message boards and literature to read on line as well as fitday, ANA, carb charts and recipe resources is truly a wonderful thing.

Denise

height 5'3"
size 2 months ago: 20
today's size: 16

Weight: unknown
goal for now: size 10

Last Edited on 5-Mar-2007 10:13 PM

I’m not sure you’re ready for what (little) we might have to offer. This isn’t OA, you will find no mention of vague “white stuff” or 12-steps, or making inventories or amends here. Of course OA is still out there if you find it helps you.

You seem pretty determined to do this YOUR way, without a scale, which IMO you are demonizing. I’m guessing (sure, I could be wrong) that you won’t want to look too terribly close at Fitday for very long either, doing that over time will probably be working a little too closely with the truth. It seems to me you’d rather do this with what Stephen Colbert refers to as “truthiness.” (Denise, believe me, we’d ALL “rather”, but that turned out to be part of our bargaining process.)

My take on your approach—and it is only my take, it is not necessarily correct—is that this is like the alcoholic who will know he’s okay (enough) when he can walk a straight line.

Our baseline here is walking in a very straight line toward utter truth with ourselves, getting square with exactly what we’re doing and exactly (and everything) our food choices are causing, and the scale, while not perfect, is a fairly consistent and very helpful tool in that process of getting to the truth. The scale isn’t your enemy, it’s your GIANT FEAR/relationship with the scale that is. You can change that, I would submit that you HAVE to change that, but again, I could be wrong.

That’s what our LWTD approach is all about and I’m sorry, I don’t have the energy, or the desire to expend much energy or bandwidth toward working with folks who come in here and want to TRY it with their “special” conditions. (So far we’re making an exception for Lyn who is undergoing chemo. THAT, to me, is a valid special condition. I hope you see the difference.)

Besides, you can get plenty of support for trying it your way at OA, and on other online lowcarb sites. But, for what this might or might not be worth to you, before starting this site about a year ago, I participated on various online lowcarb support sites for more than 9 years. I’d venture to guess I’ve come into contact with at least 5,000 lowcarbers all with the same goal of getting to a healthy body weight, in that time, probably more. In that same time I’ve seen maybe 25 of those people get to goal. I’ve seen about 5 of those manage to hang on to goal for more than 3 years.

Not one of them did it without looking at the scale.

Sure you could be the first. Good luck, and let us know how that works for you. Or get yourself to where you can face the scale, even though it’s a little hard, and come back sooner.

Adele (140 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 9+ years
Maintaining at goal 6+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Thank you for your thoughtful and direct insight. Don't get me wrong. It is not that I never weigh, just not as frequently as some. I have logged onto fitday and agree that it is a good site to help us. I am not currently using OA for support but did learn a lot from the program and have taken those lessons learned to heart. Currently, I do not own a scale but will invest in a new one. Having recently moved, many things were left behind and I guess subconsciously, the scale was one of them. I find that weighing once a month is more effective with me. Is that too infrequent? Not meaning to be vague about the whites, I meant white flour,enriched flours (using only whole grains), sugar (honey molasses, corn syrup), corn starch. The vagueness is due to the old OA mentality that you don't specifically name food in case it puts a thought into someone else's mind and causes them to crave it. I realize this is not OA and am just trying to find something that works for me. I am sorry if I don't come across as clearly as I would like. Thank you for your time. I will buy a scale and my next post will show that.

Denise
----------
Denise H

I find that weighing once a month is more effective with me.

Define more effective. Have you ever lost all your weight and kept every bit of it off for over 3 years? If not, I would submit that you haven’t figured out what “effective”” for you is just yet?

You will learn a lot about your body and how it reacts to various lowcarb foods by a daily check-in with the scale. It’s also one of the most important patterns/rhythms you can set for yourself in a new, calmer, approach to food, your body and life.

I have a brief article up on the site about daily weighing... A Slave To the Scale

Go find 10 long-term lowcarb successes (defined as holding at goal 3+ years), emotional eaters or not, and ask each of them how often they weigh. I doubt you’ll find one who doesn’t weigh daily. But I know you won’t find one who weighs less than weekly. I think you’d want to get to the place where you do that if for no other reason than it’s one of the things long-term successes have in common. That would be good enough reason for me Denise—to hedge your bets against what are still almost impossible odds—whether or not you weigh daily.

Not meaning to be vague about the whites, I meant white flour,enriched flours (using only whole grains), sugar (honey molasses, corn syrup), corn starch.

I have yet to see a long-term successful emotionally addicted eater be able to incorporate ANY wheat or corn (whole grain or otherwise) into a long-term maintenance program. Intolerances to those tend to be an almost sure piece of the physiological puzzle in emotionally entangled eaters—Atkins mentions this often. Ditto on the honey, molasses and corn syrup. Most bodies as compromised (and as old) as yours (and mine!) will react to ANY kind of sugar, often including even the sugars in fruits.

I would not be even thinking about adding any of those back until you’ve been at goal for a good long while.

Let us know when you’ve got your scale and are ready to take this on in a different way Denise.

Adele (141 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 9+ years
Maintaining at goal 6+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Thank you again for taking time to respond. Yes, I did reach my goal and maintained it for 7+ years weighing more infrequently than suggested. I fell off my wagon with that first compulsive bite, the one that one thinks they can control. I agree with all you said about not being able to incorporate the foods one is sensitive to (I call it allergic for lack of better words for me) as they seem to give one license to consume more and more.

I can deal with once a week but find it very hard to weigh once a day. I know me and would weigh several times a day and do it 2 or 3 times each time I approached the scale (digital scales are not always consistent) to see which weight I like best. I read your article regarding the scale and now I understand what you mean. I know this is my fear and reading your article made it make more sense.

I am taking your advice to heart and will post my weight on my next posting.

Thank you again for not dismissing me totally.
----------
Denise H

Wow Denise, if that doesn’t support the issue of this being about actual addiction (and not merely “like” one), I don’t know what does. I’ve often observed that there’s a fairly consistent 3-years-abstinent point that marks something palpably different and significant about this journey. I suspect it’s the place of “this is as easy as it’s ever going to get, I really can do this” (but not the place of “this is easy, I will do this”). Your experience demonstrates, soberingly to me, that the biggest truth we have in common here is that there is absolutely no such thing as recovered or done.

I agree with all you said about not being able to incorporate the foods one is sensitive to (I call it allergic for lack of better words for me) as they seem to give one license to consume more and more.

Right. Call it an allergy, intolerance, sensitivity, trigger-food, whatever—what it means is that there are foods which, in each of our individual snowflake-bodies, become mood altering substances. And for lowcarbers, the harder truth is that there are usually at least a few lowcarb foods that, sooner or later, will come to have the same effect on us.

Next, inevitably, the addict will ask why why why? Well Virginia, the exact process isn’t known and probably never will be, although paleo theory certainly seems to go a long way toward explaining much of it. Nevertheless, understanding anything about why this happened does nothing to alter the fact that it HAS happened, and we have to behave accordingly. We have to know how, not why.

(And to me, “how” eventually boiled down to “lead with the diet”, and that, in a nutshell, is why I’m here.)

I can deal with once a week but find it very hard to weigh once a day. I know me and would weigh several times a day and do it 2 or 3 times each time I approached the scale (digital scales are not always consistent) to see which weight I like best.

Denise, when I started down this path I probably weighed myself hourly for the first year, I actually kept the damned thing in the kitchen, good grief. I know about our obsession with the scale. I finally moved the scale to the basement which, since I live in a split level, is 4 flights of stairs down from my bedroom. My morning routine for years was to pee, walk down those steps, disrobe and stand on the scale once, take in the number and be done with the scale for the day. (My digital scale is totally consistent, the spring-dial type I had when I began was not.) A few YEARS later I was able to move the scale back upstairs and not step on it every time I passed it. Changing my self-toxic relationship with the scale took a long time, and lots of plain old practice, to come to. (If you build it, they will come.)

Perhaps this doesn’t apply to YOU, but my relationship with the scale had to change for my relationship with food and my relationship with everything else in my life to change. I could do a whole lot of damage to myself in a week, easily getting into a game of “I have until next Monday to check my weight again, I can, you know, “play now, pay later.”

When I had my initial click moment (which was not the final one where I turned to no-waggle pure foods, that one came 25 months later), I finally acknowledged that the first step I took toward self-destruction every single time in my 30-year yo-yo dieting history of weight gain, was to not get on the scale “the day after” and face what my choices had wrought. So, bottom line rule #1, face that sucker daily, to quietly face the quiet little truths daily. Slowly I think you will find that you will come to my mentor Patricia’s mindset, one that I think is worth the work and the wait. Peace with the scale, peace with food and peace with my body.

Thank you again for not dismissing me totally.

Thank YOU for the same consideration Denise. You’ve already helped me, coming up as I am on 7 short years at goal myself.

Stay with us honey.

Adele (142 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 9+ years
Maintaining at goal 6+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Last Edited Adele on 10-Aug-2006 6:57 AM

Thank you again for your wonderful post. I do agree with you. Rereading your post to me that I must know my "poison" as Suellen has aptly put it to me. I do know my poisons and they are foods that are not an option to me even after I had more than 7 years under my belt. I was like that alcoholic doing the drink experiment who says "I can drink just one" and does and then the next time, says "I can drink just 2" and does and so on...you know the rest and there went 7+ years down the drain. That first compulsive bite allowed me in my head to take more. I found out that there is no permanent recovery, just remission. Never to be so secure that you can eat your posion in a "controlled" manner. Now, even some abstinent foods can be poison for me so I still know my poison and choose not to consume it. There are so many foods out there we can eat within our food plan, I don't need to eat my trigger foods even if they are acceptable.

I will be back with a weight. I want to know what I weigh now. Please don't give up on me.

Grateful,

Denise

OK, I weighed and it has upset me a lot. I know I have already lost 4 clothing sizes so I need to focus on that and not the numbers that I saw. I weighed as soon as I brought the scale home after I have been drinking my water for the day. I need to focus on how much more the scale would have said 3 months ago 4 sizes larger and be grateful for that. I posted my food today on fitday. It might change depending if I add anything to it after work. It is posted under the name Denchen...do you need anything else to access it? The scale gave me 3 different weights in a row

193.8 192.8 193.0 None of which made me feel any better. I know right now I am retaining water because I ate soemthing salty. Tomorrow will be the real test when I first wake up in the morning.

Weighing daily is going to be really hard but I understand what you mean by the scale helping me see the body's reaction to what I am eating, be accountable, and facing reality. I need to go pack my food for work now. I already put in fitday what I was oging to eat today. I will change it if I don't eat all I brought or eat more later. Really unhappy about those numbers right now.

Denise

Denise, if a primary goal of your journey is to not be upset about your body/weight/food/life, then please, stop weighing yourself immediately, take the scale back if you just bought it, give or throw it away if it is not new. I’d also recommend that you find another support site, because leading with the diet is going to involve some ongoing emotional strife, including being, gasp, upset. Getting totally, bluntly, rock-bottom truthful with our self-defeating inconsistencies IS a little upsetting.

If your goal is to come to new, livable and sustainable terms with your body, with food and within this twisted culture (especially when it comes to food and bodies), and have all of this fit semi-peacefully into your emotional life well then, with all due respect, it seems to me that you’re going to have to learn to BE upset, learn to ABIDE it, and go on with your days in a way that will EVENTUALLY work you toward not getting so upset about this, to an EVENTUAL place of merely being quietly AWARE of it. In other words, you can (and I believe will) come to a quieter place where you don’t ever form a pattern that allows you to keep your weight a secret from yourself. And isn’t leaving a little loophole for lying to yourself what started you back down into the abyss?

Would you also not agree that, had you had a policy of daily weighing before, that you wouldn’t have returned to the state you did after so many years? One way I frame this for myself is that 10 years ago I played a little trick on myself. I decided to weigh every single day forever because I knew the ONE thing I could never tolerate would be WATCHING myself regain every single pound of it. Something went wrong with your old technique Denise, because your measuring technique (and perhaps the ongoing advent of vanity sizing?) allowed you to NOT face it.

SLOWLY coming face-to-face with what’s really going on inside and around us, is what will EVENTUALLY lead you to a state of peace with all this (that is, with the caveat that peace does NOT = never being upset.)

I know I have already lost 4 clothing sizes so I need to focus on that and not the numbers that I saw. I weighed as soon as I brought the scale home after I have been drinking my water for the day. I need to focus on how much more the scale would have said 3 months ago 4 sizes larger and be grateful for that.

See, to me you’re trying to somehow change or ameliorate your feelings about this, which I don’t think is necessary, helpful, or even DO-able. You also couldn’t resist the urge to step on the scale the MINUTE you decided to bring it into your home, instead of waiting until the logical, once-a-day time, which would be first thing in the morning, so you don’t even have anything REAL to be upset about. (My weight can fluctuate by as many as 6 pounds in a day.) And as you state, you have no clue as to where you started, so you are upset about ... well you don’t really know exactly what, but you’re upset and one of our patterns is to EAT something to fix or change the upset. Got your dragon roaring now? Dragons do look for ANY opening, right?

So harsh as this may sound, and I hope I’ve adequately explained why, I don’t care (that is, I don’t think it’s real important), that you’re upset. I know I’ve weathered a lot of “upset” in my life, I can (and will) handle more. But THIS is one I was able to slowly work to a different place with. So have others.

I posted my food today on fitday.

I’ll try to take a look at your Fitday this weekend Denise and get back to you with any suggestions I might have.

The scale gave me 3 different weights in a row 193.8 192.8 193.0

Then if it’s new, take it back and get one that doesn’t do that. Step on it in the store several times (or take a friend who isn’t so “vulnerable” and ask them to do that for you). If it’s an old scale, for gosh sakes go buy a new one that is consistent.

Weighing daily is going to be really hard but I understand what you mean by the scale helping me see the body's reaction to what I am eating, be accountable, and facing reality. ...(snip) ... Really unhappy about those numbers right now.

Abide, honey. Isn’t it Dr. Phil who says you can’t change it if you don’t claim it? It’s just a number, it’s not a judgment, nor is it a life sentence.

Adele (141 this morning)
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168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 9+ years
Maintaining at goal 6+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Thank you for your brutally forthright post, Reality is what the scale is right now and it is new. Reality is not what the scale said in the middle of the day and I know better.

so you are upset about ... well you don’t really know exactly what, but you’re upset and one of our patterns is to EAT something to fix or change the upset. Got your dragon roaring now? Dragons do look for ANY opening, right

I know exactly what I am upset about. I was surprised about how much I weighed. And the weight more or less didn't sneak up on me. I was sabotaging myself, eating, knowing I was causing myself harm but ate myself into a "comfortably numb" state so aptly put by the famous Pink Floyd song and saw myself getting larger. After maintaining for over 7 years, one can not help but notice when their clothes are getting too tight; especially if they are fitted and not expandable. I didn't care at that point because I was so miserable with life. I will tell you that the dragons did not find their way in, not even a temptation because I was upset this time (when I weighed). Only gave me stronger resolve to "get well." I did weigh myself at the proper time this morning with one error. I automatically drink a glass of water as soon as I get up in the morning as a start of my water consumption and forgot to weigh first. Tomorrow I will remember not to. There is another thing; for some reason right now I am retaining water as if I was getting my period. I can tell by pressing my thumb against my shin bone. I am 53 and getting my period is not something any longer in my life but I feel tender as if I was so it could be hormonal. I am going to give that a couple days. My weight posted is after the glass of water this morning.

HW 230
CW 192.8
GW 130

Denise

Last Edited DeniseH on 22-Oct-2006 5:39 PM

Denise
----------
Denise H

HW 230+
CW 186
GW 130
----------
Denise H

Last Edited DeniseH on 22-Oct-2006 5:41 PM

HW 230+
CW 184
GW 130 (for now)

----------
Denise H

Denise, I’m glad you’ve gotten on the scale a few days in a row, I know that is a big accomplishment for you, I hope you will keep it up. But honey, THIS is a little excessive. Just get up, pee and step on the scale. There absolutely will be some variation from day to day, that’s part of your excessive/obsessive fear you have to get over and—and you WILL become accustomed to that if you just LET it happen girl.

Keep us posted honey.

Adele (142 this morning)

----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 10+ years
Maintaining at goal 6+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Don't fret over what you "should" weigh based on what size you are.

At my goal weight I can be a size 8, 10 or 12 depending on how much weight training I'm doing (or not doing).

Mostly though - I average a size 10 at 155 lbs and most people gasp at my scale weight when they see me. They all say there's no way I could weight that much and look the size I am.

Earlier Adele mentioned that she doubted you'd find anyone at goal for more than 3 years who doesn't weigh daily. I tend to agree with her. I've been at goal for over 4 years and I do weigh every morning.

ConnieMS (159 today)

----------
244/156.5/157
Maintaining at goal for 4 years
conniems@leadwiththediet.com
www.conniems.com

I guess I need to not think about the fact that the scale has not gone down but think about the fact that the scale has not gone up. That is always encouraging.

I do feel really good mentally and often have to remind myself to eat because I am never hungry. I am not depriving myself of meals, just eat because I am supposed to, not due to hunger. When I think of how long I had emotional hunger; ate until "comfortably numb" as that famous Pink Floyd song puts it. Ate until I fell asleep at night and then got up in the middle of the night to eat some more, and ate as soon as I got up in the more. I am thankful to be free of it.

Thank you for the follow up Adele and Connie. Even if the scale is not going down, the clothes are getting a little looser. :)

HW 230
CW 184 (this morning)
GW 130 (for now)

Grateful,
Denise

HW 230
CW 184 (this morning)
GW 130 (for now)
----------
Denise H

One day at a time,
Denise

HW 230
CW 181 (this morning)
GW 130 (for now)
----------
Denise H

Last Edited DeniseH on 2-Oct-2006 9:39 PM

Denise

HW 230
CW 181
GW 130 (for now)

----------
Denise H

Last Edited DeniseH on 12-Oct-2006 9:46 PM

Abiding Abstinence

I admit I am an addict (an emotional eater as Adele puts it) and I can not take one bite of anything I know I am addicted to without some sort of consequence, immediate or eventual, down the road. For me, the mentality is if I take that one bite and get away with it temporarily, then later "I know I can do it again" or so I think. That first bite always, ALWAYS leads to another; therefore, there can be no first bites. I run into people who don't know me questioning me in situations where I am offered something or just a taste and I tell them no thank you. A lot of the time, when they try to push it on me saying, you just need to taste this, it is really good; I just say I don't eat _____, it makes me sick. That is true, not only does it make me "mentally sick" but in some cases, it makes me physically ill. Take sugar for instance; that will make me feel like I have the flu because I can't stop and eat until I am sick once I get started. Who wants flu like symptoms for 48 hours? This is how sick I can be about foods I shouldn't eat. There is a restaurant that makes small garlic rolls that are served in a bowl swimming with garlic pieces and butter at the bottom of it to dip them in once you split them. I noticed years ago whenever we went to this restaurant, I would feel sick for about 36 hours after eating there. Do you think I stopped going? NO!! I decided we would only go there on a Friday night so I could have the weekend to recover and still go to work feeling better on Monday! Yes, I am an addict, yesterday, today and tomorrow, and one day at a time, I am abstaining. It isn't an option, it is a necessity. It is a way of life I must follow to be healthy, to stay healthy.

HW 230
CW 180
GW 130 (for now)
----------
Denise H

Last Edited DeniseH on 17-Oct-2006 8:00 AM

It sounds like we’ve convinced you to weigh every day, although I’d quibble a bit with your assertion that it’s become a lifelong habit just yet, and I would be a very careful about your drive to (unnecessarily) lower it each morning by requiring yourself to jump through exercise and “waste elimination” hoops. That seems like a self-defeating pattern waiting to happen, couldn’t you agree? Over time if you will just do the habit and abide the “horror” of a 1-2 pound fluctuation, I promise that you will slowly calm down with this whole new dance of reality you are learning.

Turning to another even MORE important piece of this, I sense that your attention to your diet may be haphazard or slipping? I see that you haven’t posted to Fitday in a VERY long time, and I noticed from your most recent journals that, at that time (about a month ago) anyway, you certainly were not eating what I would call a lowcarb diet that would result in consistent weight loss; your diet was heavy with what have been called “borderline” foods, especially for addicts. Things like nuts, cream, cheese, and fruits. Low on VEGGIES and unprocessed meats and healthy fats. Have you ever stated here which plan you are following?

Tell us more about what/how your diet is going Denise, and/or better yet, start posting on Fitday again where you can see it, just like the numbers on the scale, yanno?

Adele (144 this morning)
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168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 10+ years
Maintaining at goal 6+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Thanks for the post. Yes, I agree with you about the jumping through hoops for a while regarding feeling I needed to eliminate everything before I weighed. Lately, since Connie's post, I haven't been that way. I just get up, pee, (like you wrote me to do) weigh and go about my business. If all my "bodily functions" have not ocurred, then they haven't and I let it go. It is not that important anymore to obsess over. It all catches up in the end, anyway. The main point now for me is that the scale is moving down slowly, not up. My food plan is ANA and I have incorporated many more vegetables, do not eat any "low carb" treats at all however, do drink a Atkins shake maybe 3 or 4 times a week when at work if I have gone too long without eating and need to get something with protein and nutrients in me that takes less than a minute to consume. It is very difficult at work these days because my boss is terminally ill and the job that we used to share, I am many times doing alone and not able to always break to eat properly. I do keep carrots and cheese in my drawer but the situation is such that my staff is not allowed to eat anywhere but the break room (which I don't frequent as it is their break room) and I have to set the example. My biggest growth here of late has been to weigh daily first thing when I get up in the morning, always have the right foods with me where ever I go if I am to be gone too long from home (i.e. work), try to drink most of my water before I go to work (I work in the afternoon through late evening), make sure I do eat the foods I need to eat and know that I am an emotional eater. For me, there is no taste, no one bite, no sample of any unacceptable food. I will post on fitday; sorry for not having done so sooner. I messed up and didn't post on the old fitday link so here is the one I updated. I get so confused when doing fitday. My activity is not totally updated and I have to get better about that as well. Here is the correct link:

http://www.fitday.com/WebFit/PublicJournals.html?Owner=Denchenn

Denise

HW 230+
CW 180
GW 130 (for now)
----------
Denise H

Last Edited DeniseH on 22-Oct-2006 5:35 PM

HW 230+
CW 179
GW 130 (for now)

This morning: 181

Denise
----------
Denise H

This is a lonely journey as Adele mentioned to Debby. What I am learning is that our feelings dont need to be dealt with. They just need to be felt. Some of our feelings will be BIG and seem like our world is gonna end if we just dont take that bite and numb it away. How dramatic!! LOL

The best thing I can do for myself is to plan my food, eat what I plan, and busy my body in the form of walking alone so that I can walk it out, feel it out, get it out. That just helped me today when I wanted to binge to get rid of the uncomfortable feelings. Writing in a journal and talking to a therapist also helps me. One more binge avoided and one more feeling felt. Each experience gets me more practice in abiding.

----------
Mary

HW423/CW158
265 Pounds Gone
Today's weight...170
http://www.fitday.com/WebFit/PublicJournals.html?Owner=mary223

Thank you for being out there, Mary.

Denise

HW 230+
CW 179
GW 130 (for now)

Denise H

Today, my family is having an early Thanksgiving dinner since they are going out of town while my daughter and I will remain in town. The great part of this dinner is my oldest daughter who is hosting it is also a low carb eater and this will be a safe meal as the menu has been discussed and the non low carb eaters will have plenty for them as well. We will just know what is the food we are able to eat safely. My first low carb dinner party; I'm excited.

Life feels good right now. My work is still a challenge but I have learned a way to eat throughout my work day the way I am supposed to; it took me a while but I had to prioritize that to take care of myself.

I wish everyone well during the holiday season and remember, no matter how good it looks, it is not worth the negative feelings we will feeling afterwards even for one taste. For me personally, I am an addict and I will not sabotage myself by taking that first compulsive bite because eventually, it will destroy what I have accomplished.

Denise

HW 230+
CW 178.2
GW 130 (for now)

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Denise H

Last Edited on 19-Nov-2006 9:29 AM

The guy I had met turned out not to be what I thought he was but it did prove I am alive, feeling better than I expected regarding willingness to open myself up. I did get hurt a little; he lied and said he was not married. Now, I could have let that throw me into an emotional eating binge but you know what, I am worth more than that. I learned from it, had some nice (safe) dinners out, movies, didn't fall in too deeply, am disappointed but I need to move forward.

Yes, weighing daily is part of my regime but I guess I will have to do it for longer than a few months to be believed by Adele and Connie. I totally understand the importance of it now.

HW 230+
CW 177.6
GW 130 (for now)

Denise H

Last Edited on 26-Nov-2006 6:51 PM

LOL, you think we’re stingy with our approval here, huh? Here’s my take on that Denise. Weighing daily when you’re on-track, as you have been since you came here, is important, but it’s also a relatively easy commitment to fulfill. The important hurdle you haven’t yet crossed with this new behavior requirement is forcing yourself to weigh if/when your diet starts getting a little waggly, if you veer off course for, oh say, you know, just one time...

Then it goes something like, “oh I won’t look today, I’ll just be extra good for the rest of the week, and then I’ll weigh next Monday. Then I won’t be so upset.” Refusing to look at what you’re doing as a way of managing/avoiding unpleasant feelings, see?

Daily weighing is merely a simple yet concrete way to keep ourselves firmly out of the land of denial.

By committing to that for yourself (not for us) you refuse to permit yourself to go back. By committing to reporting the facts here periodically, you will eventually have me prodding you to examine your diet much more closely if, over time, your numbers don’t continue moving down.

Stay present with yourself, stay present here and we’ll push a little. Sometimes it helps us to be accountable "out loud". It still helps me.

Here’s a place for that if you want it.

Adele (142 this morning)
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168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 10+ years
Maintaining at goal 7+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

I understand what you are saying and I don't come here for approval. Learned from the beginning of coming onto your site that it was not about cheerleaders so I never expect that from you, just tough love stuff. That is fine. I have gotten on the scale when it said more, but have not allowed it to scare me away. Still do it daily, know it keeps me straight. I agree there will be a day when I might be afraid to get on it but will anyway to keep me on straight and narrow and in touch with reality. Thank you Adele for touching base with me.

HW 230+
CW 177.2
GW 130 (for now)

Denise H

Last Edited on 7-Dec-2006 10:07 AM

I hope everyone has a good holiday season.

HW 230+
CW 175.0 (this morning)
GW 130 (for now)
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Denise H

Thank you for touching base and making us accountable. I am very pleased and surprised at my holiday results. I was lucky and had a couple of days at my daughter's who eats the same way I do so we had very safe meals which we planned carefully and her entire family enjoyed what we prepared as well.

For New Year's eve, I chose to spend it alone rather than spend it with someone I wanted to be with only because I was afraid of being alone my first single New Year's in 25 years....funny, I felt alone even when I was with my ex!!. My treat to myself as midnight approached...fresh strawberries and cream (I follow ANA) and didn't feel a bit deprived. I actually didn't feel deprived at all during the holiday season. I am grateful for remaining abstinent and did weigh daily. Surprisingly I lost weight over the last holidays, something I have never done. It amazes me that I can eat, not feel deprived, eat more than a lot of people I know, never feel hungry and still manage to lose. At work, they are having a weight program where they want you to weigh in on a scale, follow your weight loss (not know how much you weigh just you report your gains or losses to them) and you must lose at least 8 pounds in 2 months to be eligible to win some sort of "pot" ($), the one who loses the most wins. I will not buy into that because actually at this point in my lifestyle, 8 lbs in 2 months is too fast for me and too much of a set up. My weight loss might be slow but it is slowly going down and I am content.

May 2007 bring you, Adele and Connie, all you wish for and to everyone else, I wish the same.

HW 230+
CW 174 this morning
GW 130 (for now)

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Denise H

Reading your comments, Adele about your experience in the restaurant and your sugar addiction really reinforced what I believe to be true about myself. I can not take one bite of a sugar item without it being the excuse to continue a downward spiral. Just lately I have been out on the dating scene again with frequent dinners out. I always make it through the meals just fine and I will admit the dessert menus are tempting but not an option. There is one man that has begun to know I will not be tempted and for the last 2 dinners we have had out, he has brought a small baggie of fresh strawberries to top off our dinner (he just might a keeper for now) and that is a wonderful way to finish a meal.

Today is Valentine's day, a day for chocolates to be given, sweethearts to be remembered. I am single now and feeling a bit low but I will get through today and try to treat it as any other day. Chocolate is not an option and I know will be the death of my abstinence; I know me. I am an addict!

Life has been good. I plan to try to keep it that way one day at a time. Thank you, Adele.

Denise

HW 230+
CW 173.5
GW 130 (?)

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Denise H

Last Edited on 14-Feb-2007 8:13 AM

As always, I’m somewhat sorry for the delay between responses, although as an unintended consequence of my inability to spend much time on my online lowcarb life right now, I’m seeing that a long time between posts is often a good thing. Time between posts can help show things that more frequent contact—usually off-topic, time-passing chatter—obscures.

I’m noticing that you have essentially stopped losing weight with the diet you are leading with. That may be fine with you, it could honestly be the best thing for you right now—I certainly have a similar experience. See The Value of Stalling

Let me know if/when you think you’re ready to make (probably permanent) diet adjustments that will get you moving forward with weight loss.

I’d also like to address your comment: I have a trip coming up in April with my mom and my low carber 34 year old daughter. While my mother is a sugar addict (not in remission) like me, my low carber daughter is a godsend.

I’d recommend being very careful about any value you place on having anybody else lowcarbing along with you for many reasons. Foremost is the extreme (statistical) unlikelihood that both of you will continue abstaining. I don’t know if I’ve spoken of this recently, but the person who spurred me to begin lowcarbing back in 1996 was a co-worker, we were “tied” together in that way for a couple of years. She lost almost all her weight (~50 pounds of 60) while I stayed stuck at 165, struggling to get the diet to work for me. One Christmas—I think it was 1998—about the same time my weight loss/changes started taking off, she decided to take a break over the holidays...and the tables sort of turned.

Fast forward 9 years...she’s my boss now, and since that lowcarb break she’s probably re-started lowcarb more than 100 times, only once I can remember did she last more than a month. She’s had numerous health scares, and (from an observer’s perspective anyway) some wild weight fluctuations, none of which have been able to motivate her to permanent change, at least not so far. Meanwhile, she works much more closely with me now, and I feel pretty certain that having me present in her life almost daily, day after month after year, with my boring brought-from-home meals and my steadfastness with sticking to this even when things (at work or in real life) are insane, is not something she exactly enjoys or appreciates. I am a thorn in her side in that way; I clearly see I make her uncomfortable. She often hides from me in her office with food.

And yet we are extremely close friends—as well as co-workers. (I will tell her I wrote about her on my website next time I see her. The last time we spoke about this website she said “I am afraid to read it.”)

I think we have worked out as much of this as we can—but I guess my bigger point is that this really has to be about each of us separating ourselves from EVERYONE else when it comes to food choices. I suspect that becoming dietarily enmeshed with a child or spouse is about the worst thing any emotionally addicted eaters can do. It doesn’t help, it only leads to bigger issues down the road.

What I am saying is I don’t think you need your daughter to be “with” you on this trip, not in the dietary sense, in order to succeed “against” your mother. This isn’t a war with others, it’s a war within yourself Denise.

Adele (143 this morning)
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168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 10+ years
Maintaining at goal 7+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Thanks for the insight about my impending trip. You are right, everything I need is within me. I have been feeling good about my eating and my weight loss has slowed down a lot to maybe about a pound a month but for now that is okay with me. As long as it is not going up. I did wear a size 12 outfit not too long ago which when I bought it, I couldn't wear it. My other clothes (tailored pants and suits) are much too loose on me yet, I am hesitating having them altered; but, not sure why? Do I want to keep my larger clothes for reasons that many of us all have, a slip? I am still weighing daily but not sure what I will do when I go to Las vegas. I don't want to carry a scale with me but do I not weigh for 5 days? Or do I find a scale on the premises? I am also concerned about not being able to keep my frequent eating patterns in place while gone. I am encouraged about our accomodations and think possibly we will have a refrigerator so I just might find a grocery store of some type and stock it with what I need to give me a comfort level for my own sanity.

Thank you for keeping all of us on the right path by making us be accountable. You always make me think of things I haven't touched on lately.

By the way, the Stalling article was great. Thanks for the recommendation to read it. I am and will learn from my slowdown and still enjoy that the scale is continuing to go down, maybe slower but not going up and that is the main point for me right now. I did not gain this weight overnight and if I lost it quickly, it might not mean a thing. Thinner is not better if it will come back on just as fast. I have learned patience these last couple of years.

Denise

HW 230+
CW 172 (this morning)
GW 130 (for now)

Last Edited on 5-Mar-2007 8:54 AM

I have had a lot of personal drama going on which is a contributing factor to not writing. I know these posts are not to be drama filled but rather about our food trials and tribulations, our struggles with that. While I have been going through struggles, I have not turned to my drug of choice and former habits of eating myself into oblivion. I will tell you I have struggled with keeping my water up which does make a difference in my weight as I seem to retain water if not consuming it on a constant basis.

I will try to be more diligent about posting. Thank you, though for helping me to realize my scale is an important tool to my life right now.

Denise

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Denise H

Last Edited on 17-May-2007 8:57 AM

My food is good. I am almost back on track with the water being a habit and not having to force it. I was having a problem with remembering to drink and noticed the difference in how I felt. I seem to be at a plateau right now but am dealing with it. I know it won't last forever and reading Adele's articles help a lot. As long as the scale is not going up, I am not going to obsess about it not going down for now.

Life feels good and I feel good. :)

HW 230+
CW 172 (this morning 173)
GW 130 (?)

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Denise H

Last Edited on 1-Jun-2007 9:18 AM

I seem to be at a plateau right now but am dealing with it. I know it won't last forever and reading Adele's articles help a lot. As long as the scale is not going up, I am not going to obsess about it not going down for now.

Denise, in my opinion your plateau—which is ~40 pounds away from what I assume is a good weight for your body—is probably going to last forever until you adjust your eating, a little or a lot (can’t know which, yet).

That doesn’t mean I think it’s time for you to do that, not at all. I think this may be where you might need to sit until you’re feeling more willing to take this to a different level. That time will occur, again in my opinion, when your feelings about being on a diet that takes a lot of social, emotional and physical effort is netting you “less fat than I used to be”—and no more—begin to change from something like "I can do this forever" to something like "this isn't fair, this is stupid," and/or when you start thinking more and more often "oh what the hell, I might as well..."

If you decide you're not getting enough good for all your efforts and "sacrifice", the place to start is: A Better Approach for Chronically Restarting Lowcarbers

I’d only add that 99% of the time, the FEAR of making those changes is a whole lot worse than the actual doing.

Nice to see you back here.

Adele (143 this morning)
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168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 10+ years
Maintaining at goal 7+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Last Edited on 2-Jun-2007 6:52 PM

I will continue to take my babysteps and be grateful for the progress I am seeing. I continue to marvel at how this WOE is remarkably satisfying for me.

HW 230+
CW 171
GW 130 (for now)

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Denise H

HW 230+
CW 171
GW 130 (for now)
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Denise H

HW 230+
CW 169.5
GW 130 (for now)
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Denise H

Well Denise, are you going to tell us what "it" is? (grin)

Adele (141 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 10+ years
Maintaining at goal 7+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Thank you Adele! :o)

HW 230+
CW 169.2
GW 130 (for now)
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Denise H

Last Edited on 28-Jun-2007 5:52 AM

HW 230+
CW 168.8
GW 130 (for now)
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Denise H

My food intake has changed gradually, eating a little less but not to a diet mentality, just the subtle changes that Adele suggests we examine from time to time. Point being, the increased exercise, slight change in food plan has made a difference. The scale is going down slowly again and I can see the changes in my body.

Happy with life,

Denise

HW 230+
CW 166.2
GW 130 (?)
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Denise H

HW 230+
CW 165
GW 130 (for now)
this morning's weight---no clue (see above)
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Denise H

Last Edited on 15-Aug-2007 3:25 PM

Maybe you could look at this as an opportunity to experience not reacting to what must be many jumbled emotions and frustration about this setback by eating them away.

I hope you’ll keep us posted Denise.

Adele (140 this morning)
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168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 10+ years
Maintaining at goal 7+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

I am working very hard at that as well as making myself eat because I haven't an appetite. Drinking enough water is a problem as well because of not wanting to get up to go to the bathroom as much. What I have been fortunate in is that my friends and family have kept a cooler packed with all acceptable foods for me so when I do need something to eat and getting to the kitchen is too hard, I have quick things at my finger tips and all packed in small portions.
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HW 230+
CW 165
GW 130 (for now)

Denise H

My main focus is not to use this injury to be an excuse to eat whatever I want since I am not eating the way I used to and that I can thankfully say has not happened. I am still leading with the diet and that might be perhaps one of the things that is keeping me sane during this slow recovery period where I am not in control of my surroundings.

I am an addict, an emotional eater who in the past has allowed my emtions to dictate my binges. One day at a time, I am getting through this and am grateful. I will admit it is hard for me to get all my water in right now but I am working on it. I am not drinking anything but water so at least all the fluids going in are the right substance.

HW 230+
CW 161 (this morning)
GW 130 (for now)

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Denise H

You’re experiencing a strong foundation Denise and what it can do for you if you will just hang onto it with mindful choices. A strong foundation doesn’t mean we don’t sometimes want to chuck this boring diet nonsense, it just means we slowly mature to the place of realizing that, boring and frustrating as it is sometimes, emotional peace is decidely better than emotional noise and turmoil.

Seems to me that by abiding, you’re turning a negative into a positive. How cool is that?

Keep going!

Adele (142 this morning)
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168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 10+ years
Maintaining at goal 7+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Thank you Adele, for being the tether that we need at the times we need it. :)
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HW 230+
CW 161
GW 130 (for now)

Denise H