For you guys who know me - NO I did not fall off the planet. For those who are newer, HI and nice to meet you.

I'll update my own journey starting with about last November. Last year I began my training to become a personal trainer. I was a stay at home mom and loving it. Working as a Pers. Trainer would be perfect as it was part time and could be done while my son was in school. Plus I could get paid to work out !!

Well it didn't quite work out that way. A few months later an office position came up that was perfect for me (literally 2 minutes drive from home) and great hours etc.. So I get the job and have to move my personal training appointments to evenings or weekends.

This caused two things: 1 unhappy child and 1 unhappy husband because Mom was leaving in the evenings and not home with them. *sigh*

All through this my food stayed rock solid and still is. However my exercise routine suffered and pretty much has stopped.

I'm running myself ragged trying to please everyone who seems to want a piece of me somewhere. To be brutally honest, my marriage has suffered, my child has reacted by clinging to me every free moment I have, my body is suffering from lack of exercise, (I'm up a whole physical size even though I've only gained 3 or 4 pounds) and my house is a disaster because when I finally drop onto the couch at 9:30 at night, the last thing I want to do is mop the kitchen floor.

Yes I'm whining - No I don't want you to feel sorry for me because we all get overwhelmed at times and I'm learning some valuable lessons regarding what I can handle and what I can't at any given time.

I do feel worst about falling into the trap of not taking care of my need for exercise. I've fallen into the trap of being a martyr and putting me last all the time because I've felt that it was expected of me. But it's starting to catch up to me in the form of exhaustion.

It's time to stop and tend to myself for a while.

As far as leading with the diet..... I have to say it was the only stable thing in my life for the past 9 months or so. Thank goodness for solid food and a sane attitude.

ConnieMS (158.5 today)

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244/156.5/157
Maintaining at goal for 5 years
conniems@leadwiththediet.com
www.conniems.com

I hope you do tend lovingly to yourself. We have both learned the hard way, even if we need remedial lessons like this now and then, that one of the hardest concepts of this whole journey has been putting ourselves first in a way that can seem selfish, especially to that naïve, over-idealistic 14-year-old in most of us. Maturing emotionally includes grasping that putting our basic body needs first is how we bring our highest quality selves to all our life’s bigger relationships and responsibilities. This is really no different than showing up clean and appropriately dressed for work as opposed to showing up with dirty, disheveled hair, in our bathrobes and slippers.

Welcome back, partner, I’ve missed you. Keep us posted, y’hear?

Adele (140 this morning)
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168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 9+ years
Maintaining at goal 6+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Connie, it is good to hear from you. I can identify with your rushed schedule and the emotions you must be feeling. I can imagine what kind of adjustment your new schedule must be for you and for your family. I want to pick up on what you said about exercise. So many of us, including myself, put exercise last in this WOL. We forget what an important part regular exercise plays in the schema of our diets and health, especially as we age. Thank you for reminding us of its importance. I hope your life becomes less hectic and that you are able to get some down time for yourself. Please keep us posted.

Eileen
http://www.fitday.com/WebFit/PublicJournals.html?Owner=Eileen52
Began Atkins 2/2002
Began Antiyeast 3/2002
186/156.5/136???

*grin* *giggle*

Hi Eileen ! Glad to be back here. I will try to post more often. I'm determined to make myself mor eof a priority and STOP being such a martyr to my family and jobs.

ConnieMS (158.5 today)
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244/156.5/157
Maintaining at goal for 5 years
conniems@leadwiththediet.com
www.conniems.com

I discovered (yet again) that allowing worry and fretting over things I can't control will disrupt pretty much everything in my life leaving me spinning out of control.

My eating is still good with the exception of a small spoonful of peanut butter here and a slice or two of bacon there. This always happens after a good stint of eating things that are not gold standard.

A month ago I went to a church camp with some of our teens and while there, all food was provided. They did a fantastic job of accomodating my needs but there were times that I ate things I normally don't eat - mostly at breakfast. I ate regular bacon and sausage on several occasions.

I know I can bounce back from these little detours and I know it usually takes a good month to finally run them out of my eating for good.

So I'm finally back to that point of 100% pure again.

And I'm lifting again which has improved my mood as well.
Now to tackle those pesky 5 lbs I'm dragging around.

ConnieMS (159.5 today)

I've
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244/156.5/157
Maintaining at goal for 5 years
conniems@leadwiththediet.com
www.conniems.com

I've been back on track 100% with food and ferreting out my little spoon of peanut butter here and strips of bacon there. Slowly the scale is inching back down .5 lb at a time.

I have so much other stuff going on in my life right now but that is pretty much it for gold standard related stuff ! Status quo. :-)

ConnieMS (160.0 today)

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244/156.5/157
Maintaining at goal for 5 years
conniems@leadwiththediet.com
www.conniems.com

I'm slowly reading and catching up with posts and getting back on track. I'm looking forward to getting to know you all better.

(Hi Del ! I promised I'd be back when school started - I'm Here !!! - LOL)

Yes, my ds started first grade last week and I finally have some time and space to breathe. Time to get back to having some time to focus on my own exercise routines etc...

I'm still leading with the diet but lack of exercise has caused a slow weight creep and I'm currently 4 lbs over my goal weight. I really failed to anticipate what starting two new jobs and having a child home for the summer would do to my schedule.

Is that an excuse.... yeah I guess it is. I've certainly been guilty of letting my flesh & it's desires do a bit of whining that my logical brain tolerated. No more. No more.

Connie (161.0 today)
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244/156.5/157
Maintaining at goal for 5 years
conniems@leadwiththediet.com
www.conniems.com

A few weeks ago Adele asked me to write an update. Sorry it took so long :-(

I'm very grateful that Adele is the insightful wonderful woman she is. I'd be a mess without her. I spent a LOT of time feeling guilty that I couldn't do what she does here. I'm not as intuitive as she is with people - I can't see through what people write, to what might be going on with them. I've come to see that's ok and not my nitch anyway.

I do serve as a great example in that what we've got going on here works long term and is sustainable once you work your way through all the tough stuff. And boy - the tough stuff is never what you expect it to be is it?

As for me...

My weight has been around 159 or 160 consistently. I'm not happy with this. I've never been consistently OVER my goal weight for any amount of time since reaching goal.

You might say - "big deal, three pounds... what is she complaining about". I'm unhappy because I'm up one entire size of clothing and everthing I own is either tight or even too small.

I know that it's lack of CONSISTENT strength training. Over the summer I starting working another part time job and have not yet figured out how to get my exercise schedule back on track.

Most of it is simply that I'm putting myself last on the list and everyone else - and all the things everyone expects me to do - before my own needs.

My problem at it's core is perfectionism. I feel that if I can't go do a full workout then I may as well not do it. However - it just occured to me that I need to adopt the "flylady" way of thinking and adapt it to my exercise thinking. Even 15 minutes will still bless my body.

Thanks for reading along - I'm always available via email and willingly share my experiences AND failures with everyone.

ConnieMS
160.0 today

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244/156.5/157
Maintaining at goal for 5 years
conniems@leadwiththediet.com
www.conniems.com

It's been a while since my last post. I had been struggling with a few pounds and am still eating some things that are borderline bad for me.

In my last post I mentioned I'd been battling about 3 or 4 extra pounds that would not go away. I was (still am) extremely busy - I had been buying pre-packaged letuce mix. I found myself with crazy salad cravings, I wanted salads for every meal.

It took me a while to figure out that there was something in that salad mix my body didn't like - mainly because I'm working 3 part time jobs, trying to keep straight where I'm supposed to me from one day to another, raising a 1st grader (can't believe how much homework they get in the first grade that Mom & Dad have to help them with !!!), and trying and failing at keeping up with the housework.

But within 2 weeks of ditching the pre-mix bagged salad, the extra pounds were gone.

My other problem is the poor food choices.

I've always been able to tolerate things like processed meats ON OCCASION. In the past six months I've been eating them more than on occasion. I've been allowing myself to snag a hot dog when fixing them for my son or simply eating some of the fancy sausage I fix my husband - sausage that has all the awful chemicals and *gasp* corn syrup !!

While I'm confessing.... I've dipped my spoon in the peanut butter jar a few times too. Yes I know - peanut butter has sugar in it. Oddly I can't figure out why I haven't gone crazy with it. But I've kept it under control. I also know I'm playing wiht fire and It can't continue.

I'm tired of being slightly bloated all the time, I'm tired of not making the time for exercise, and I'm simply tired of being exhausted and worn out all the time.

And I can only point the finger at myself and I have no excuses.

This summer will mark 5 years of low carb / anti yeast for me and I've gotten so comfortable with my way of eating that it's second nature to me. I know very well what things I can tolerate and what the reactions will be when I eat them. That can be good and it can be bad as in my current situation.

I know my body won't revolt 100% if I eat a hot dog - just about 20% and in my laziness / business I settled and convinced myself that 20% isn't that bad.

Well... yeah it is.

Just goes to show that the journey is never and while I may not experience huge falls off the cliff anymore, there are still little bumps in the road along the way.

ConnieMS (158.0 today)

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244/156.5/157
Maintaining at goal for 5 years
conniems@leadwiththediet.com
www.conniems.com

I managed to stop eating peanut butter but traded that for eating hot dogs. I stopped eating hot dogs and traded that for eating melon and strawberries. I stopped eating fruit and traded that for almonds.

I planned to take time out for me but continued to put everyone else's needs before mine because I feel / felt that is what was expected of me.

I've been in a constant state of agitation and worry over something or other - given to finding a new focus or project almost weekly. All while working 3 jobs, keeping a house (poorly), and being a wife and mother (poorly as well).

I'm disappoined in myself in that I allowed life to slowly and imperceptably affect my food choices. My attitude has been much like that of the alcoholic whose convinced she can handle one or two drinks and then quit. So far I've walked on the bubble and stopped myself but how long would that continue.

I'm still up one whole size and I doubt I notice the bloat from eating a bit of fruit because I never go long enough without tripping up to make the bloating go away.

It stings to admit that I've struggled with this and let it go on so long. I've felt overwhelmed with life and the responsibilities that I both have and have taken on - even when I didn't need to.

This month I quit my job at the Y as a personal trainer. The relief of not working 3 jobs has cleared my mind enough to even think about these things. I am exercising again so that is helping as well.

I've been leading with my overwhelmed emotions and not with the diet. There I said it.

C.

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244/160/157
Maintaining at goal for 5 years
conniems@leadwiththediet.com
www.conniems.com

It's a week later friend Connie. How's it going? What/who's leading now?

Adele (143 this morning)
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168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 10+ years
Maintaining at goal 7+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

I am leading with the diet one day at time and ignoring the pleading voice in my head that's desperate for a quick fix of something that's fast, quick and easy to grab (like a hot dog or a bag of almonds or some other dastardly thing that throws me off kilter.)

My weight is still in the 161 range and I'm still up about a 1/2 size - enough that my clothes are uncomfortably snug.

I'm not discouraged - I'm focused.

Connie

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244/156.5/157
Maintaining at goal for 5 years
conniems@leadwiththediet.com
www.conniems.com

Hello to those of you who are new. :-)

For the past year I've been lazy. There's no other excuse. Yes I've been busy, yes I've been balancing 3 part time jobs, yes I'm a wife, mom, & daughter complete with obligations to each.

But all that is just LIFE. It's not an excuse for what I've been doing - which is pure laziness and using the excuse that "I can get away with it so I'm going to as long as I can".

This summer marks 9 years of low carb and 5 years at goal for me. The road of maintenance has mostly been bump free. I say mostly because it's never completely smooth. Adele has talked of "wisting" over things and yes I do it too. Not often but once in a while.

Over the past year I've consciously allowed myself to eat little things I know I shouldn't - because I knew I could get away with it.

Unfortunately when I do that long term....it's sort of like floating along a stream that eventually leads to a violent waterfall. I know the waterfall is there but it's miles away and I'm unconcerned - I'm also not paying attention - my focus is elsewhere (my job, my kids, life is busy). Before I realize it my stream has expanded to a river and I can hear the waterfall in the distance but I'm still unconcerned - I can still turn around and paddle back - I'm ok.... I'm ok I can tell myself as I continue to eat a few things here and there - take the easy way out and not have food prepared. Then all of a sudden you open your eyes and ears and the rushing of the waterfall is right in front of you and you're about to go over the edge.

So could I really "handle it"? Over the last year I started with a few hot dogs here and there, added some fruit here and there and then began playing with almonds which for me have been the rushing waterfall. Yesterday I ate almost two cups of almonds within 3 or 4 hours. I practically made myself sick over them. No more.

I'm not concerned that I'd go over the waterfall - I'm really not. I'm just annoyed with myself that I let it get this far - that I started it in the first place.

I wasn't leading with the diet - I took my eyes off of the very thing that centers my daily walk with food.

I'm sharing this not to discourage you - but to encourage you and maybe give you a dose of reality and determination that you didn't have before.

Maintenace isn't going to be one big bed of roses all the time but it's not the pits by any means. Yes there will be bumps and even some potholes but that is "life". *shrug*

Even those of us who are supposed to be setting the example sometimes lose our way temporarily and need to pause and re-focus. Remind ourselves of where we came from, how we got there and what needs to happen for us to continue on.

ConnieMS (161.0 today)

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244/156.5/157
Maintaining at goal for 5 years
conniems@leadwiththediet.com
www.conniems.com

I'm feeling guilty. Guilty that I don't pop in here often, guilty that I'm still not back to exercising, guilty that I've gained a whole size in clothing and 5 lbs and guilty that I just can't get my act together it seems.

In the interest of staying on track let me share mostly how the lack of exercise and poor / borderline food choices have affected my moods and weight.

As to the lack of exercise - I'm grumpy and feel like a bowl full of jello. I don't feel strong and lean anymore. I could give many excuses including my favorite which is I have an active 8 year old boy, I work full time now, and I go go go each day from 6 am to about 10 pm at night with no ME time at all. BUT an excuse is just what it would be. If I made exercise a priority then I would do it and let something else not get done instead of exercise.

As to my poor food choices. I'm not eating really really bad stuff. But this has been the summer of fruit for me - that and processed meats like a hot dog on the grill with the family etc.... Those things are not really enough to cause large spikes in weight but they are enough to keep me off balance emotionally and will kill the usual level of clear headedness that I have. I end up grumpy and inable to handle the normal stresses of the day which makes my family tense too.

This has been going on for about a year. Probably the longest I've ever "dabbled" around. It's time for the excuses to stop and I may just have to make myself accountable to someone on a daily basis again for a while. I'm going to begin logging to fitday today and carve out a time each day to lift and use the treadmill or go outside and walk (the dog would probably like that option better anyway - hehe)

Also, to anyone whose tried to email me - I apologize, I just realized that my email in my signature has been listed incorrectly. It is now fixed.

Adele had mentioned to me that someone here was reacting to food emotionally - much like I do. Please feel free to reply to my thread with your name or email me I'd be happy to talk to you.

Have a great weekend all !! ConnieMS

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244/162/157
Maintaining at goal for 5 years
connie@leadwiththediet.com
www.conniems.com

Adele has been after me for months to update my thread and I've doggedly avoided it. What follows is an excerpt from an email I sent her and below that, her reply back to me this morning.

"Yes, I remembered that I promised to update my thread by the end of the week.

Really though I have no idea what to say. Nothing has changed. What do I say that isn't bitchy, whiney, or untrue?

How do I post that I run from 6 am to 10 pm when I collapse on the couch exhausted and fall asleep in about 10 minutes. That I exist on vast amounts of caffiene daily to keep me going, get sporadic or no exercise and am grumpy and stressed 99% of the time.

Honestly and truly I can't think of one thing useful, helpful, or positive to post.

Maybe I'm just too prideful to admit that I just can NOT get adjusted to working full time again, that I seem to have forgotten how to pre-plan my food, and I'm too damn tired to stay up till 11pm like I used to cutting and cleaning veggies and cooking things ahead of time.

So I eat too many salads, pre packaged salad mixes, and the like."

Here's her reply to me:

"Well believe it or not, I sort of enjoyed—or maybe it’s that I got something significant—from your brief ranting. It’s that you have problems despite staying on plan and not gaining weight. That you are (imperfectly) still leading with the diet, you are still eating vegetables and you are still weighing every day and aware of what/how your body is reacting."

Adele has this way of putting my life into a persepective I am not equipped or maybe willing to see. She's right though and it serves as a wonderful observation for everyone.

I DO have problems even though I've been low carbing for 10 years and at goal for 6. I'm able to hold the line and lead with the diet as best as I can right now. It's not perfect like it used to be and I'm well aware of that. But it is what it is for now.

I never dreamed it would be this hard to have a child in elementary school and a full time job, and a mother to take care of all at the same time. Somehow taking care of ME doesn't happen often.

But I'm still only 3 lbs above my original goal weight, I am walking on the treadmill at least a few times a week and all my clothes still fit. I'm still weighing every day.

Leading with the diet became for me more than a habit or just something I do. It's my way of life. THAT was the saving grace when all heck broke loose around my house.

So here I am. I'm not doing it perfectly but I'm still leading with the diet.

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244/160/157
Maintaining at goal for 6 years
Lowcarbing for 10 years !
conniems@leadwiththediet.com
www.conniems.com

Last Edited on 23-Feb-2008 1:55 PM

For over a year I've been eating borderline foods - which for me are strawberries and almonds.

My weight has slowly imperceptibly creeped up and bounces between 162 and 164.

Last time I posted all my clothes still fit. Now they're tight.

I did and do know what works for me and I've not led with the diet 100%. I've done it 98% of the time but that's not enough.

I've made a lot of excuses, done a lot of rationalizing and avoided posting about it because if I did then I'd have to admit I was struggling. I wasn't ready to admit that to myself much less to anyone else.

Today is day 2 of 100% Gold Standard clean eating. No almonds. No Strawberries.

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244/164/157
Maintaining at goal for 5 years
conniems@leadwiththediet.com
www.conniems.com

What came to mind today is how easily it all happened. I mean I'd been at goal for how long? Surely I had it all down pat right? I got complacent and overconfident.

I noticed the tiny weight creep and blamed it on lack of exercise not my little indulgances of fruit and overeating of almonds.

Over time those things took hold of me and the cravings started talking instead of my nice clear thinking mind. That part part was MIA - hovering in the corner somewhere while the strawberry and melon's were slapping it around. LOL

The slipping wasn't obvious - I didn't go out and eat cookies or bread. But it was enough to shake my strong foundation to the core.

Even more - it messed with my clear thinking enough that I was having a hard time dealing with every day life. Little issues were overwhelming to me and sadly my day to day existance had become all about me me me. I'm not too proud of that. My family certainly didn't get the best mom / wife they could have had in the past year.

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244/160.5/157
Maintaining at goal for 5 years
conniems@leadwiththediet.com
www.conniems.com

159.5 today. A small victory.

Adele commented to me that it's easy to loosen up a little and do damage control later. She hit the nail on the head with that one - at least for me.

I was always going to deal with the damage "soon" or "tomorrow". But tomorrow would come and I'd walk by the fruit in the grocery and I'd have 3 quarts of strawberries in my grocery bags. All eaten by the next morning by the way. Remorse set in and determination renewed until the next trip to the store or the next craving.

It is dangerous to get too comfortable and start stretching the boundries. That is the lesson I needed to learn.

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244/159.5/157
Maintaining at goal for 5 years
conniems@leadwiththediet.com
www.conniems.com