The longer I live in food peace, the more annoying it is to have to climb back out of the hole, even if it’s just more like a messy puddle, back up on to my firmer foundation when I make a momentary decision that ends up interrupting the peace I am now able to surround myself with 99% of the time.

The cause of my unnecessary stress was somewhat of a surprise problem meal on Monday. I say somewhat because I thought I had the necessary arrangements in place. We had our annual staff luncheon (paid for by donations from the parents of the preschool where I work) at a fine Italian restaurant, one where I have eaten very well several times before. The lunch was EXPENSIVE ($30.00 per person). But as a large private group in a private room, we were not “allowed” to order from the menu. Instead we pre-selected three entrees from which we could choose at the luncheon. One of the entrees was “grilled salmon” so I thought I was all set.

Turns out the grilled salmon came “encrusted” with herbs. I ASSUMED that at $30 a head they’d accommodate a “no crust” request, but it turns out I was wrong. My assumption about the salad also turned out to be incorrect. There was no choice there, it was CEASAR. I requested no dressing, no croutons; request denied. “Sorry, they’re already made up,” she said.

Yes, I could have made a fuss (in front of my 23 co-workers), and of course in hindsight, I wish I had. But at 1:15 p.m., I’m hungry (even though I had had a snack at 11:00 to keep myself sane until this late lunch), plus okay I’m also just a little pissed off that I “can’t” have wine like “everyone else” is having (okay no, not EVERYONE else had wine—that’s addictspeak for “it’s not fair”). Some of them had to leave in 45 minutes to pick up their kids after school, and we still had a long program to get through after eating.

Well okay, so I have a few bites of the salad, after picking off the crumbly croutons. This is a special occasion, after all, I SHOULD be able to have a bite or two of creamy dressing, it’s LOWCARB after all (there’s that ever-present SHOULD in my addict’s thinking.) But I quickly taste vinegar, and think oh maybe not, this isn’t even particularly good, and I stop.

So at 1:30 or so the entrée arrives. I am hungry and I scrape off the topping and wolf down the salmon. There are baby green beans too, but only a few, more like a garnish than a serving of veggies, and of course the almost requisite new potatoes which are easy to skip.

Okay so I am a little irritated by the whole thing, it rankles me to pay more than $30 for not even enough food, even if it wasn’t MY money. But it’s over.

After lunch I went to the funeral home calling hours for a former school family, the father had been killed in a freak bicycle accident. He was my age, of course it’s tremendously sad, they have a 10th grade son.

So all in all last Monday was not the greatest day.

But I realized something REALLY not good was up when I was starving Monday evening a couple of hours after dinner, I even had a hard boiled egg and some carrots before going to bed. Then I woke up hungry in the middle of the night a few hours later.

The next day I get to work and find I am famished at 9:00 a.m. after having eaten breakfast at 7:15. That’s when I realize I’m REALLY in trouble, sigh, lol. I abided it for a while then ate my lunch at 10:00 a.m. I was fine for a couple more hours until the hunger/cravings hit again. That day I had no more to eat until I got home around 4 p.m., that practically made me crazy, but by then I knew what was happening and that I’d just have to get through it, “fix” it and pay the price.

It was the last week of our school year, always a busy/crazy one for me for tying up lots of loose ends in the office that I manage. Add to that my boss scheduled an out-of-town meeting for the last two days of school, so I have to handle the office all by myself and since she’s gone I don’t get my day off that week. That’s customarily the day when I cook and shop—another irritation.

Add to that we have a newly hired facility manager, one who is essentially my boss’s new supervisor, and he walks in with a request (okay, it was an order) that all our personnel files need total updating by the end of the week. That means I have to contact all 23 employees and somehow FORCE them to fill out about 10-15 minutes of paper busywork and furnish copies of their driver’s licenses and social security cards by Friday. That does not go over well with the 23 teachers, this is THEIR last week, they’ve got loose ends of their own to tie up. And in this process I find that I have misplaced MY OWN Social Security card, so add another chore to the growing pile

Through all this I am dealing with persistent cravings/hunger. Cravings so strong that this new guy, who is standing over me, trying to get ME to help HIM figure out WHICH government forms he needs us to all fill out, is obviously surprised at 10 a.m. on Wednesday morning when I say “you’re gonna have to wait a few minutes, Buck-o, I have to eat NOW.” He says, “Oh, are you hypoglycemic or diabetic?” I say as cheerfully as I can, “I probably am, I don’t know, and I don’t really care about that right now, I have to eat the way they do whether I ever get the diagnosis or not. When I am hungry I have to eat, trust me it’s for both your good AND mine right now.” He took it pretty well (not that I gave him a choice), maybe it was a bonding moment, I dunno, we’ll see how he and I are getting along in a few months—if he’s still there.

To get myself back on firm physical and emotional footing I must pound my body with fat, protein and veggies, about every 2 hours, instead of my peaceful 4-5 hour routine. It is the only antidote (well, other than falling off the wagon and just chucking this whole &^% journey which I honestly wouldn’t dream of doing anymore.) I have to eat too much “perfect” fuel until it all dies down. It took until Thursday evening.

And while I didn’t gain any weight from eating the wheat, I did gain weight from the antidote. The added weight didn’t show up until Saturday, but I knew it would, it’s firmly here now. I’m up 2-3 pounds. And now I have to lose them—that will be a 2-4 week wait.

So I got through the week with another demonstration of how sensitive my body is and how it is still very important that I hold the line. I am more than six and a half years at goal, into my 10th year of this journey and I am not done. I have confirmed again, for probably the 3rd time now, that my body is highly reactive to wheat, even miniscule amounts have a big impact on me, not unlike a princess-and-the-pea phenomenon. I do feel pretty certain it was the wheat, the Caesar dressing would have most likely initiated yeast symptoms which haven’t come up (in my body that’s bloating and skin rashes), at least so far.

Things are much better this week, they have been since last Thursday evening when it all seemed to dissipate. The awful (if quiet, private) drama is over, that is, unless/until I do it again in another a hare-brained moment.

Adele (143 this morning)
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168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 9+ years
Maintaining at goal 6+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Last Edited Adele on 22-May-2006 5:39 PM

I’m back on Fitday, I saw 144 yesterday. Seems since my (elderly) dad moved here almost a year ago, and I’ve had to incorporate almost daily visits, errands and outings with him, that I have fallen into a pattern of getting it down to 142, maybe even seeing 141 now and then, then I think, okay, my eating is back on track, then I resume my “carelessness” (which I realize to most folks would not look like carelessness at all). To me, careless means not paying enough attention to amounts, esp. of fats and proteins, which I have learned I still have to watch. I still tend to overeat, and “nervous-eat” unlike some who tend to undereat. In a very narrow sense, I’m playing little games with myself.

(funny, my Word program I’m writing this on shows overeat as an acceptable word, but undereat as a typo. There’s a comment on the culture if I ever saw one!)

Since my fall at the gym about 6 weeks ago and resulting back injury, I have not been able to exercise regularly, but that is better now, finally. I took a walk last night after dinner with a neighbor and it went fine, no pain at all, had another walking date this morning. A therapeutic massage two weeks ago, along with bi-weekly visits to my chiropractor, seemed to really help me turn the corner with that. I have another massage scheduled Thursday and I hope that just might be enough to make me feel confident about getting back to the gym and lifting weights again.

I guess what I would mention here is that the best and most important thing I have learned from this journey, what I am most glad I have never stopped doing, is to STILL weigh myself every single day. That little ritual/routine of squarely facing the facts virtually every single morning was something I decided to do back in 1996 when I started this journey, determined to make it different from all my other weight-loss attempts. The glimmer through the food-carb fog that came through was that every single time, what eventually started the slide was not looking at the facts, refusing to see. And that little habit remains the cornerstone of my ability to continue to live this healthier, saner relationship with my (sometimes insane) world.

Adele (143 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 9+ years
Maintaining at goal 6+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

It hasn’t been a “perfect” road back, I can’t always do perfect and I luckily don’t need to, but I can and do do perfect for days on end, probably even MOST days. And I do think it was an essential part of my journey that I had to learn, through a lot of time and experience, and MINDFUL trial and error, what my body’s “perfect” is. It’s been a busy month with a lot of out-of-town overnight guests (which will continue for a while), and several restaurant meals. I had to eat things like beef, which is not my best food, but often it is the best alternative for my body when I’m in a restaurant. I also think I learned, incidentally, that my body doesn’t do so well with lamb. It’s not something I’ve ever eaten much. Before last week, the last time I had it was on a cruise over a year ago. So “quitting” lamb is no problem, being that I never really started it. The lamb I ate last weekend was brought in by a guest (it was pure, from Whole Foods, and was cooked here only with fresh garlic and sea salt, that she added). I had a 2 pound weight spike the next day, plus I felt myself wanting to bludgeon my husband over something totally minor. There's "my signs"!

I was encouraged to see Laina post yesterday that she HATES feeling like she feels when she goes even slightly off track, in her case this time with artificial sweeteners. That’s such an important place we have to get in the journey, the place where we have separated ourselves from lowcarb crap long enough that we can really begin to feel, see, truly experience all the prices, especially the EMOTIONAL prices (prices we essentially extract from ourselves!) that we pay for eating incorrectly. Only then can we begin to see how long those effects last compared to the momentary pleasure (?) or decision to eat off-track—no matter the reason, be it within our “control” or not. Getting to, then through THAT place is what generally, eventually makes this totally WORTH maintaining our focus and determination, and thus makes us more willing to take the social and emotional risks that following this culturally unusual, 100% me-first, self-respecting course entails.

Oh, and so far I’m doing great with the new supervisor at work, the one I sorta snarled at in the middle of my second day of cravings. We’re both still working there and getting along well. I like him a lot better when I’m anchored and I think he likes me better that way too. See all the synergy in this? (grin)

Adele (141 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 9+ years
Maintaining at goal 6+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Adele (140 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 9+ years
Maintaining at goal 6+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Overall in my journey-life I see that I am finally getting somewhat settled and accustomed to the changes and time-demands that moving my elderly father (age 89) to the same town where I live brought to my life last August. His limited eyesight has worsened to the point where it is pretty much impossible for him to read even large print, and it is tough to watch my brilliant and ultra-competent dad struggle to do that. His retirement center offers lots of activities, but he’s stymied both by age/energy, AND now by his inability to read the daily written notices and calendars they constantly shove under his door. I’m slowly encouraging him to listen to recorded books, he always loved to go to libraries and read, he’s never been a BOOK reader, mostly he read news magazines, scientific periodicals, and of course the daily newspapers. I don’t know of many/any of those that are available in recorded form, I want to explore that further.

Things should be somewhat easier on us in this regard when my sister and her husband move to the same town where we live, which they plan to do this fall. They are building a house here and visit at least once a week, which adds some stress because they stay overnight with us a lot. They, however, have another elder care responsibility in the town they currently live in 100 miles away—his mother is in a care center with advancing Alzheimer’s. So they’re going to be as challenged and conflicted as we are.

Meanwhile, it has been great to re-affirm (as I do almost every summer) that life is so much less stressful in the summers when I don’t have to fit 25-30 hours at work into my weeks, I only work about 8 hours a week in the summers. I am fortunate and grateful to have that kind of job. I have considered quitting, we could probably manage financially without it, but the job also gives my life structure and I think my addicted self really needs that. The people and families I get to work with there bring me much personal satisfaction and joy, those are not reflected in the monthly paycheck.

My husband and I have had some ongoing personal struggles with our youngest child since January, as he left the nest under less than ideal circumstances. This is bringing us some anxiety and sadness, but hopefully some growth too, both as individuals and as a couple, as we learn to let go of much of the full-blown parenting parts of our relationship. My husband is looking at retirement within the next year or two, so big changes still await us as a couple.

I’m overall pleased with how this site, almost a year old now, is emerging. I wondered if I might be crazy taking my online lowcarb life in this big new direction at the same time my free time suddenly became so much more limited, but I am now glad that I followed my beliefs and my instincts. I’ve made some mistakes and made some people uncomfortable and/or angry. Being able to be okay with ALL of that has been part of the growth, part of the journey I think. I’m glad I convinced Connie to help me get this puppy off the ground. (I MISS her here!—she’s okay, we checked in with each other yesterday. She’s just insanely busy with TWO jobs now, one of them nearly full-time, and the demands of being the mother of a young child.) I still feel the need to stay sort of “publicly” accountable and focused, I feel a responsibility to use my “gifts,” and I even value setting myself up with a responsibility to be here, continuting to explain and explore how/why my diet is about the only part of my life where I cannot foresee or permit much change.

Life is never easy and change is inevitable. I do (still) love the place my diet is in my life, and that it doesn’t ever have to change. It is my anchor, it is the way I stay sane, it is the peaceful place in my life.

I’m almost 56, when I started this journey I was 46. I am a whole different person now, “not fat” was all I ever wanted/expected to get from this. I got so much more than that in my new “bargain.”

Adele (140 this morning)
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168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 9+ years
Maintaining at goal 6+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

More good news is that my back has healed enough that I have been back at the gym working with my trainer again and I am enjoying that...in fact, I’m just about ready to head over there.

I’ve managed to keep track of my eating on Fitday for a while now, trying to keep that up to see if I can hang onto 140 through the fall, when my work picks up again. Because of the discussion generated on Eileen’s thread I am seriously considering not having any more alcohol for the year too.

Being here helps ME still.

Adele (140 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 9+ years
Maintaining at goal 6+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

I’ve been back weight training for several weeks now with a serious personal trainer named James, who I concurrently adore and detest—I’m pretty sure that’s what a healthy relationship with a personal trainer is supposed to look like—and I am so happy about that. He’s a muscled young hunk, and interestingly to me he’s totally into paleo nutrition, not the least bit afraid of (good) fats, and even a little interested in what I do here. He took a look at this website and said Connie is a fox, lol.

In the bigger picture of my life and my journey, I can see that after 4-5 years at goal and getting as clear as spring water about the diet and the bottom-line role it plays in the way I AM now, I still have some journeying to do with how exercise fits into my life. I have never totally let go of it, but as my life in the sandwich generation has unfolded in food sobriety/abstinence mode, things have come up, especially a couple of relatively minor injuries, that have had the unintended consequence of showing me that I don’t HAVE to exercise every day to maintain my weight, or even emotional clarity, over time. Nevertheless, going very long without it, even though it doesn’t cause my weight to fluctuate much (especially since I am now 2 years post-menopausal), and even though my body doesn’t CRAVE good exercise—it’s NOT an addiction, believe me, I can quit anytime, lol—my body adores good exercise. And when my body is happy, well I am just so much better off than merely sober and emotionally anchored.

I am in a rut with food, happily. (See Don’t You Ever Get Into a Rut with Food?.) But I knew inside that I had also gotten into a rut with exercise (hey food ruts work for me, why shouldn’t the same work with exercise?) Well, I was given the unusual and ultimately “lucky” opportunity to change that last spring when the gym I had been going to for 6 years abruptly closed for at least 6 months to undergo a total remodel, and I had to change my exercise place or quit exercising. Not a pleasant thing for the creature of exercise habit I had become.

Well, new gym = fresh start opportunity for me. James is working hard to help me change that big-time. He is coaching/leading me about exercise much like I try to coach others about the diet and the important foundation it will provide for a saner life. It’s interesting being the coachee, it helps me understand a lot about how I irritate people sometimes, in what I believe is ultimately their better interests.

I sense that I’ve already put on a pound or two of muscle, that’s a minor frustration when working with my former nemesis, the scale. I still haven’t completely shed the old high-school Miss America notion that I SHOULD weigh in the 120’s or low 130’s, and this isn’t gonna help that. But I have plans to see Connie next week, and we’ll get some new pictures (the one of me on my page is now almost 2 years old) and hopefully I’ll see I’m still okay, even if I’m grandma material age-wise.

Adele (139 this morning)
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168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 9+ years
Maintaining at goal 6+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

My update is that I’ve been BUSY! It always is this time of year. My work (as the office manager of a preschool) is heating up, I’m spending a lot of time there, right now at least I can do that on whatever schedule works for me, but that will change in a few more weeks when the classes actually begin. The good news then is that I will be cutting back to only working two and a half days per week, this year I will have a half-time assistant who will be working the other 2 and a half.

I’m still spending 3-4 hours a day with my father. He gets cabin-fever and needs to get out of his retirement community most every day for a few hours. I’m the designated driver for those regular sojourns.

My father is a retired industrial engineer, albeit a nearly blind one now, and one of our regular activities is going over and “inspecting” my sister’s homebuilding project—right up his alley! And he’s even caught a couple of problems, which makes him feel helpful and valued. Another fun activity my dad and I have figured out is that I can drop him off at a giant hardware store, like Home Depot or Lowes, which he loves to just poke around in, with my DH’s cell phone in his pocket. We’ve figured out that he can see JUST enough to hit the green (call) button twice, and that will dial my cell phone, so I can be at the grocery store or Target nearby and go pick him up when he’s had enough poking around.

One difficulty of trying to do my grocery shopping WITH my father along is that he constantly makes comments about how much of everything I buy (and eat!) The same thing goes for how much and what all I cook. He is here often and it’s hard for me to cook 3 pounds of pork side, as I do about once every 3 weeks, without him exclaiming over and over how much meat (and FAT) that is, and am I REALLY going to eat it all, exactly WHAT is it again?, and why don’t I eat regular bacon? I find I am now trying to cook when he’s not around. This morning already I’ve cooked and frozen six chicken breasts and six thighs.

We’re still having regular overnight visitors, as the home-builders come to inspect, meet, plan, etc. In some ways we enjoy that, and any help with dad is welcome, but to addicted-me and my non-negotiable eating requirements, guests also bring some commotion. What the long and varied experience of this leading-with-the-diet journey has given me, thank goodness, are the skills to manage this along with the now very long view that absolutely everything in life—terrific or terrible—will pass eventually, and that I can come through all of it either okay or not, that’s still totally up to me and the choices I continue to make. Every day, often just by habit now (doesn't really matter why), I choose “stay centered” in that one tiny little area of my life where yes, it would be easier to cut loose and waggle a bit. Instead I continue to pay it forward for myself each day, and I continue to be glad I decided to do that. I love being strong and centered about food now, I’m in charge of it instead of it being in charge of me—even when it’s awkward or, in the case of my father’s constant questioning and testing—it’s irritating.

I’m still weightlifting strenuously for an hour with trainer-James twice a week and for the first time in my life I am able to do four (up from just one last week) REAL push-ups, and fifteen GIRLY ones!! I’ve been especially careful with my eating all summer (I tend to overeat, especially protein, just enough to put on about a pound a month if I’m not careful). My weight is up about 2 pounds now, but I am positive it’s new muscle. That’s a little hard to see day after day, but I am abiding, liking the new strength and firm muscles, and also liking that I’ve got the strength training routine back in my life in a structured but not insane way. Twice a week is working really well, and having an appointment with a trainer to do that has been VERY helpful in seeing that I get that done.

This site turns one year old tomorrow, I’m proud of that. Thank you Connie for giving me the time that you didn’t have (and the computer/internet expertise that you did) to make it happen. I would like to be able to get here more, I know I still need the regular self-exploration and some kind of public accountability. In some surprising senses though, I’m coming to see that a “less is more” approach is working better in at least some instances for illustrating for each other how we are managing and growing through this life-change to abstinent living in a culture that doesn’t really view food as a drug.

One babystep toward getting even more accountable and, perhaps, a lot less afraid of what anybody else might think about me and my views, today I’ve added my last name to the essays and articles I’ve written and included here. Another step out of the cave, I’d venture to say.

Adele (142 this morning)
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168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 9+ years
Maintaining at goal 6+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

I did want to post here that I had my annual staff party/gathering at my house Monday evening, one occasion (out of four yearly) where I normally have one martini. Earlier this year for several reasons I decided I'd like to forgo alcohol for the time being for several reasons. One is that I've noticed that I can't lift weights worth squat for 3-5 days after having alcohol. Another is that I have a noticeable increase in both the number and intensity of hot flashes for a few days afterwards, and I also seem prone to night leg cramps for about the same amount of time.

Anyway, thanks at least in part to making myself accountable here, especially in relating to Eileen's thread, as well as an earlier board discussion with Sherry I declined my "allowed" drink at that party. I had an appointment for personal training the next day (yesterday) and was especially glad then that I hadn't changed my mind.

I notice most others here have been quiet too, hope you'll all be updating your threads soon.

Adele (141 this morning)
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168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 9+ years
Maintaining at goal 6+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

A new school year always brings a few fresh faces into what I would call an unusually tight-knit staff and work environment. This year there’s a bigger a job-change in my own part of that, the sharing of my job (which was requested by me), which has me facing some, um, growth opportunities as well. Juggling into this my renewed recommitment to better, more consistent strength training (which waned over the last year when my father moved here and my old gym closed) has been another interesting factor, one that is bringing a challenge that should have been predictable, one I’ve faced and abided before, but one I find I am nevertheless daunted and frustrated by. There are still some heavy time demands and emotional challenges I’m facing both with my aging father and the life-launching struggles of one of our (grown) children. These two challenges especially, also have an impact on my home-marriage life. Another change is that my only sibling, my sister, is in the process of moving to town, this has been an almost exclusively positive change, an exciting one too, as she is building a beautiful home and even though I’m a little jealous (I have “pantry envy"!), it’s been fun to watch. Having her here will help a lot with our father, but as a change (we haven’t lived in the same city for 25 years) it is still a bit of a challenge.

It is also becoming just a little tricky and uncomfortable for me to write about some things here because there are now some people in my personal/school life who know about and at least occasionally visit this site. It brings another dimension and challenge to discussing all this, as it would not be okay with me if, for instance, they (understandably) felt compelled to post “their own side” of any experiences I might relate here (just as it wouldn’t be okay for any of YOUR friends/family to comment about your journey here either). It’s not that they don’t or can’t have interesting or meaningful input, it’s that I’m not here to work things out with THEM, I know I can and will do that elsewhere. I’m here only to work things out within ME, the part of me that is a food addict and as such has to (over?)process things a little differently.

At my job, each year some of our newer staff members notice and eventually comment on the unusualness of my food/eating. It can be anything from “wow, that smells so good, what is that?” and “you always bring such healthy lunches” to “ugh, what is that smell?” (usually plain unheated cooked cabbage or broccoli). One challenge I haven’t faced in a while is what I would describe (although perhaps the speaker would not) as a slightly-uncomfortable, nervous “oh you are SO funny” comment several times, when food discussion comes up, along with many questions about what I eat (but never why, at least not so far). ONE of these exchanges had me discussing (defending?)—then, surprisingly, craving—apples for several days.

The strength training fits in here in that I am gaining muscle (my bodyfat percentage has gone down 5% I learned yesterday) and although I’ve also lost some fat, the number on the scale is gradually going up, so is my appetite. As someone who has learned to run on a kind of auto-pilot with hunger and life management, this is a change that has rattled me a bit. I just sort of know (from experience in honing out the details of my now auto-pilot plan) that I need some more carbs (ketosis is too heavy) and more calories, and I am trying to carefully experiment with that, but both time limitations and habit have made that a little challenging too, I’m guessing it’s baby-stepping out of that quiet habit-comfort zone eating place that has me a bit rattled. That plus just being hungrier than I am used to being.

I WANTED to test fruit, and apples especially after that exchange I just mentioned when she was chomping on what sure looked like a really sweet, glistening, crunchy apple! That old “I SHOULD be able to eat apples, they’re a natural, healthy, even paleo-correct food, I know I need to increase my carbs, I SHOULD go ahead and test apples, yeah maybe apples would help me now” thinking pattern returned. But I have been on this journey long enough now to be absolutely, positively sure that, sigh, fruit is the last thing I need, fruit brings cravings back every single time—this time even seeing and talking about apples helped bring the cravings back. I have tested fruits plenty, I have never gotten any result except my body can’t do fruit without dissolving into wanting almost nothing BUT fruit. Fair or right, I am positive that much is true so, sigh again, I abided and the cravings passed.

Instead I have been experimenting with eating a small amount (½ cup) of baked yam when I’m starving and need more carbs. I’ve had 3 now in the last 3 weeks, one day recently I put it on Fitday and it helped balance the pie-chart in a more-carbs direction. I like yams fine, but I don’t dissolve or think about when is the next time I can have one, I don’t eventually come undone. I also keep thinking I should try eating some cooked carrots with dinner, but so far I haven’t gotten around to that, I already eat carrots almost daily as a snack and in at least one salad daily. So that’s the eating change/challenge.

The emotional part of this which I will just keep abiding is that my weight is creeping up, I’m bouncing between 143-144 these days, don’t think I’ve seen 142 since one or two times last week. According to the trainer I’ve only put on one pound from the first day (I know I probably did lose some weight/muscle when I fell and was laid up for about 6 weeks, my weight dropped briefly into the 130’s then), and again, the bodyfat has dropped, so that’s good. Anyway, I’ve talked this extreme/excessive fear of mine over with him, I’m discussing it here and deciding to abide. I know I look and feel better. I just signed up for more sessions with him through November, I have also learned through this that having an appointment for me right now is a powerful motivator, I am learning that right now I have more valid excuses than anyone I know to NOT go to the gym. So I go and pay someone to MAKE me do it and do it RIGHT. It feels very worth it.

The father stuff and the son stuff is just the stuff of life, the job stuff probably is too. It IS nice having more time off, even if I do spend 75% of it with my father, it is much less stressful than it was last year, even if at first it’s a little more work explaining what, why and how I do things at my job then trusting someone else do it (right). I can definitely feel some of my perfectionist and control issues coming to the fore. I have a little too much of myself and my self-worth invested in that job that I’m having to let go of. She’s even had some good suggestions for changes, a good example of a fresh perspective coming in. Even if she does eat apples. (wink)

Adele (143 this morning)
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168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 10+ years
Maintaining at goal 6+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

There have been no big changes, I’m still strength training regularly, harder than I ever have before and having a lot of mixed feelings about what it’s causing in my body. I’m clearly gaining muscle that I can see and feel, and the tough thing about that is that firmer, more developed muscles (such as my upper arms, shoulders and even my butt) are making me feel BIGGER and that messes with my brain and the inner “system” I’ve slowly developed for staying calm about my body. I’m okay, but it’s taking a little more effort to BE that way, if that makes any sense.

Thanks to a “hey is everything okay?” e-mail from my own mentor, with whom I am shamelessly out of touch, I realize I have stopped walking (with me right now SOMETHING is always having to give, time-wise) and I miss very much the regular emotional release that afforded me. I’m starting to reconsider what I have given up in order to get the strength training back in. Is this another piece of the neverending addict's all-or-nothing struggle within me?

I had two restaurant meals last week which almost always cause a spike, and now that my base weight seems to be more like 143 (due to the increased muscle), I am going momentarily a little crazy when I spike to 145, which has happened twice now. This also puts me in “damage control mode” that is – to be ultra-careful, especially with portions and calories, until the effects of those meals are gone, and that, in turn, is a just a whisper away from the old dance of “oh go ahead and have a blowout now, you can fix the damage later.” And THAT is the first verse in the dance song entitled “Oh what the hell, I might as well.” I do not like damage control mode and I think it is a dangerous mode to get into. It’s THE addict’s circular pattern of another turn on the succeed-fail lifecycle. Still, so far in my journey, a subtle little bit of damage control has to be part of how this works in the real world I live in.

My daily life is still a little more full than I’d like but that’s the way it has to be for now. I was supposed to have had a week “off” while my father visited his ladyfriend 100 miles away, but he called and demanded to come home 3 days early, and there went the quiet, peaceful weekend I’d been looking forward to. I am understanding, finally, that he is generally (if understandably) frustrated and unhappy with the limits aging has put on him, and this causes him to quickly want to get away from wherever it is he happens to be at any given moment.

I spent this morning getting my food planned and prepared for next week, that still feels good. Later this week I’ll pass into the 7 years at goal mark. These days it seems longer than that, lol.

Now my current truths are on the table, everybody else follow suit please! I will catch up here as best I can in the coming days.

Adele (144 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 10+ years
Maintaining at goal 6+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

On Halloween evening (I remember because I was constantly answering the door as I ate dinner that night), I ate some fresh-cooked pumpkin, something I’d never had before. I’ve occasionally had some canned pumpkin but never cooked a fresh one, but thought it might be a little change of pace when I saw fresh “pie” pumpkins at the store. (It tasted nothing like canned pumpkin to me, tasted like a cross between spaghetti and butternut squashes—neither of which I eat often.) I had it two nights in a row (just baked and eaten with salt and olive oil.) I’ve felt somewhat constipated and noticeably bloated ever since. I have a hunch that something has ignited some yeast in me. I will be seeing my alternative medical practitioner (a chiropractor who uses applied kinesiology) this week, perhaps he will have some insight into what, if anything, might be going on.

(For what it’s worth as an aside here, although relatively lowcarb and on the Atkins induction-okay list, pumpkin is a winter squash, as such it’s technically not paleo legal, which is one reason why I don’t eat even canned pumpkin often.)

I also had some very minor gum surgery (one stitch) on Wednesday, no drugs except novocaine, and then a few doses of Advil since then. I feel like somebody hit me in the chin with a sledgehammer, but I was told it should resolve pretty quickly. “Oh you’ll definitely be aware that we were IN there,” said the dentist about how this would feel for the next few days.....

I quietly passed the 7 years at goal point last week and have (finally) posted an updated picture on my page. I never did get a 6-years-at-goal picture taken, ah well. I do remember when it was a day-by-day ordeal, even with this current mini-frustration it’s not an ordeal. Never quite thought YEARS would pass but, on the other hand, to make this a sustained way of life, they simply HAVE to.

So that’s a bit about how I’m doing right now.

Adele (146 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 10+ years
Maintaining at goal 7+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Over the last six weeks or so my elderly dad’s condition slowly deteriorated to where he became short of breath upon minimal exertion—he couldn’t even walk the very short walk to the elevator in his retirement community apartment without resting. In the last two weeks we’ve had two trips first to his primary care doctor, then two to his cardiologist, but the good news is that the cardiologist was able to adjust his medications and now he is doing a whole lot better, perhaps a bit better than he was when he moved here back in August 2005. On Monday I took him to visit and spend Thanksgiving with his 86 year-old girlfriend who lives 100 miles away. My sister is picking him up and bringing him home today.

We had a fairly normal Thanksgiving with both our kids and our closest friends where the food was all fine—I had a small baked yam in addition to turkey and green beans with almonds. My friend’s grown daughter has many food allergies and she made a crustless pumpkin custard that was both dairy and sugar free, sweetened with stevia, I had a small piece of that. No leftovers to euthanize this year.

Before I knew we would be joining them for Thanksgiving dinner, I had already purchased a turkey which I cooked Wednesday night so we’ve had turkey leftovers, and tonight I’ll be freezing what’s left and this will leave me well stocked with turkey for salads for a nice long time.

How did everyone else do? I hope you’ll be updating your threads!

Adele (144 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 10+ years
Maintaining at goal 7+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

And admittedly a little frustrated, although not surprised, that it’s so much time and work invested, not to mention a financial outlay, and in the end so few benefit by consistently making the changes they need to. Reading about it, knowing it—“having the truth told to you” as someone expressed here—isn’t the deal at all. It’s living in line with the truth. The changes take place in our decisions, not our ideas or words. It can take a LONG time to see that what looks like change has been merely another—just longer, perhaps more drama-filled—circle on the all-or-nothing diet carousel.

This is a challenging phase of life for me. As part of the sandwich generation, I’m feeling nibbled to death by ducks, as the saying goes. My eating is okay, that really is set in stone, that took a LONG time—years—of struggling through the JUST DO IT phase, including the hardest which was to continue with it after I got where I wanted to be. It took 4-5 years to get to this bottom-line no-negotiation foundation that enables me to keep going when anything else goes awry or out of my control. I put that in place for myself and have slowly been able to let go of all of the social and familial fallout from being different that way. It has distilled into nothing more than “she’s a little odd about food” for others. That was very worth waiting out. How ridiculous—and of how strikingly little consequence to others—would it be for me to abandon myself now? No one except me would care, other than perhaps momentarily taking note, if I were to do so. That is so interesting to me. It seemed SO important socially and emotionally, but in the end it really hasn’t been. It takes a long time to see and acknowledge that we’re not important in that way to anyone else. We are important, but that is no more a measure of our value to others than whether or not we wear glasses.

The WANT is still there, sometimes strong—although never as strong as when giving into it was any kind of option. The want is still out of my control, just as is every other emotion that swirls and passes through me. Control is such a biggie with us.

So is “magical thinking”—that is what precedes a behavior lapse every single time. Magical thinking in this regard is hoping, then imagining, then finally deciding (acting) on that skewed notion that there’s a possibility that 2+2 will not add up to 4. It is feelings trying to battle facts. It’s no different than dropping $1,500 on a big screen plasma TV then being stunned when we don’t have money for the mortgage.

I believe our culture has been slowly coached to this mindset by the omnipresent media of marketing. Their economic survival requires that they whip us into then keep us in a frenzied state of failings, inadequacies, and unfulfilled wants. By agreeing to believe them—by buying their wares, from diamonds to dishrags and diets to dream lives—we are living in the fallout, the unintended consequence, of having more more more, better better better endlessly dangled in front of us like a carrot.

Even simplicity is marketed now. (Shrug, no thanks, I believe I'll find my own way with that.)

Still, I’m here for me, I wouldn’t have it any other way, I Am Still Here. I’m back on Fitday for a few days...I know I’ve been eating a little too much of the right things, as usual. I can still WANT 2 and 2 to NOT be 4.

Adele (143 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 10+ years
Maintaining at goal 7+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Last Edited on 29-Dec-2006 7:38 AM

Looking back over things for the last couple of years, it’s still clear that I am in the midst of some major but normal life shifts, many of which I have talked about before on this thread. But as I continue down the path, I think continuing to glance backwards to see where I’ve been and where (and how) I’m going, helps me come to helpful little insights and inner reconciliations. For me anyway, the diet-life lessons seem neverending.

My husband and I have become empty nesters, not with total grace or gratification I would add. At the same time we have taken over a lot of the care of my nearly blind, 90-year-old father, a job I am finding akin to taking care of a toddler. I often joke and say the only difference is that when I take him shopping, at least I don’t have to look for him hiding under the clothes racks.

As of November my only sibling, my sister and her husband, have begun (slowly) moving their newly-empty nest to the same town where we live and I am thrilled by that, but it is also a new diet-life challenge/change for me to be a part of much more frequent family gatherings. It’s essentially been a “Thanksgiving Weekend” here every weekend since Thanksgiving. This is challenging my ability to be “serene” (for lack of a better word) about leading with an abstinent diet. In my previous LWTD life eating challenges were not nearly so frequent. I can handle this without falling apart and cheating—there’s truly no way I’d go back now—but it’s taking more effort (including emotional) right now.

An interesting sidenote on this is that at a recent family party at a restaurant where our extended family gathered to celebrate my dad’s 90th birthday, a male cousin remarked to me when my food arrived, “Oh Del, you are always so good about staying on your diet! How do you DO that?” Before I had a chance to reply, my (registered dietician) sister snapped: “That’s because she is OCD!” I didn’t challenge that #1, because I was a little stunned and #2, because we were not gathered to discuss diets or weight loss. But there was an uncomfortable silence (for her, might I hope?) afterwards. No one laughed. I would say, she said it sharply, perhaps wanting to make it joke-like, but it didn’t come out that way. I’m glad I let it drop, I think silence was the best “defense” in the situation. But it did once again bring up to me how although my sister has come to tolerate my unusual food behavior, even in a situation such as this where it has absolutely no impact on what she chooses to eat, it still irks her. While I know that’s not my problem, it’s not a pleasant experience for me, I don’t enjoy irking anyone.

Which brings me to another, really nice conversation I had about this with my hairdresser, who I’ve gone to for more than 20 years. Saturday I spent several hours there getting my hair highlighted. My appointment spanned lunchtime, so I packed myself a big salad. I was the only one in the salon, so while I was “cooking” (bleaching) she sat down and we ate together. She offered me some of her chocolate chip muffin and I said, no thanks, and she said oh that’s right, you’re always so good on your diet. And I said well yes, I don’t eat sugar ever, but it’s not because I’m good. It’s because I’m an addict. And she puzzled at that (I could almost see stick-thin her thinking “am I an addict?”) and I said Linda I’m like an alcoholic with sugar. I know a lot of people don’t understand or agree that some of us can be that kind of addicted to sugar, but you can eat your muffin and go to have a normal day and not think again about having more muffins until you’ve eaten all the muffins in the place and have to go out to buy more to replace the ones you’ve eaten, then buy a few more to secretly eat in addition to replacing the ones you ate. And she agreed that no, she could never eat more than one. And then she said well you are very strong, and I said no, I am very weak, that’s exactly why I don’t even start...just like the alcoholic. We don’t label abstaining alcoholics weak or strong (or OCD for that matter, wink!) And I really think then that she got it. Again, not that she needed to. But it sure felt better than the moment with my sister—I’m pretty sure I don’t irk her. But then again, I don’t eat a big meal with her every weekend...

Since last fall, as I have mentioned here before, I have been sharing my job. That certainly brought challenges, especially at first as it took more time to explain what I do and why, than it did to just DO it myself, but the extra time spent with that is paying off now, things are running more and more smoothly, and now I’m enjoying her as a work-mate and the peace of mind while away from there is great. February is one of our two busiest months. So the working change part of my life is settling down and that feels good.

On the physical/health side I’ve had about a 2-month long spell of serious knee problems, from early December to about 2 weeks ago when it began to resolve—just in the last few days I have had absolutely no knee pain. I feel pretty certain what brought this on was me spending about a month “forgetting” that my body doesn’t do very well with nightshade family foods—potatoes, tomatoes, eggplant and peppers. (Potatoes, of course, are a no-brainer for a paleo-style lowcarber.) But late this fall I sort of fell in love with a new way of preparing tilapia cooked with multi-colored peppers and onions and I overdid it, big-time, especially when I didn’t get any “warning” joint pains from the first few times. I really knew better, but even as far down this path as I am, I am not immune from thinking/hoping that an intolerance, especially to a natural, healthy paleo vegetable, might eventually disappear. Since becoming aware of this intolerance (which was long before my lowcarb days, especially with tomatoes), I have always been okay with an occasional small serving of nightshades, I just knew I had to keep it small and very occasional. Let’s just say I did some (hopeful) denying and paid the price. A few days were so bad I could barely walk, stairs were a tremendous challenge (and we live in a split level house!) I haven’t had a bite of nightshade since that began, and I believe that that, plus help from my alternative chiropractor, slowly got me back to this no pain place. I’ll not be playing with nightshades anytime soon.

The knee problems, plus the busyness of Christmas gave me ample reasons not to exercise and I haven’t gone back yet (today it’s too cold—hear the excuse?) My old gym has reopened under new management, I’m pondering going back there because the new one doesn’t have an indoor track, I used to walk 3 miles every morning at the old gym in the winters before work and I am missing that now. I hate treadmills.

Another issue that has been occupying us recently is the search for a different house to live in for the next 20-30 years. The knee problems especially, plus the fact that my father has much difficulty visiting here because of the multi-levels, have moved this to front-burner status. While the thought of moving (even a few blocks away) overwhelms me and there will be much sadness leaving our terrific neighbors and the house that we have made so many improvements to, we’ve certainly learned through the experience of our elders that old age and many stair-steps don’t mesh too well. The way to stay independent longer is to at least be ABLE to live on one level of your home for extended periods. Our house, nice as we’ve made it, won’t work for that, so it’s time for one last move before we hit the old-age home.

That plus the fact that I am in my normal/usual/ultra-comfortable pattern of eating just a little more food than I really need is what I believe has me at the top of my 139-144 “normal” range. I can gain weight on gold standard eating, it merely makes it a lot more difficult for me to gain—and I know it would be impossible for me to gain 10 pounds in a month eating like this, more like 1-2. Anyway, I need to be watching portions again I guess, darn it.

The message board on this site is in a lull, I know that’s partly because I can’t get to it nearly as often as I would like right now nor can I spend the time it takes to post thoughtful things for the people with threads to contemplate and discuss. That isn’t going to change until this summer. Connie, with two jobs (three if you count a bi-weekly contract job she does for her city council) and a young family, is probably even busier than I am. Yeesh, I haven’t spoken to her in a couple of weeks.

I also realize that the kind of help I think I am best at providing is the kind that is one-on-one with individual lowcarbers (via instant-message “coaching” sessions). It’s straightforward and direct, and because it’s private vs. public, it eliminates most of the embarrassing/humiliating aspects of helping someone come face to face with her own inconsistencies and demons. But it’s time-consuming and only helps one person at a time, and it only helps when the person is truly ready for real change. I’d hoped a more focused website might help more with less time commitment than a regular message board.

I’m pondering what, if anything to do about that.

Anyway there’s a big catch up for me. I’ve told you about my LWTD challenges, now tell me about yours.

Adele (144 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 10+ years
Maintaining at goal 7+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Last Edited on 5-Feb-2007 4:27 PM

I feel a bit like Nikki here—I’ve certainly had 2 good days in a row, even a few good weeks before, in the middle of a not-so-great-with-exercise spell like this. I won’t really be able to claim “I’m back on track” with exercise for 3-4 months or longer.

I almost don’t care what exercise does for my body-weight anymore, but I have just been reminded that what I do very much need from exercise, especially long walks (which are my preferred aerobic exercise), is an emotional release. I don’t and never have CRAVED exercise, but I realize now that I do crave regular emotional release. I also feel certain that it’s the polar opposite of what I used to “crave” from food—which was emotional suppression, in large part because I never learned (from home or my culture) methods nor did I feel any vague “permission” to release in healthy, socially acceptable, non-toxic ways. (I’m realizing I cared WAY too much about how it looked or what other people thought...) Exercise is what I do now instead of binge eating...and, this just hit me as I wrote this: I was perfectly capable in my old days of going 6 months or longer without bingeing. But sooner or later, I “had” to. Hmmmmm.

Exercising with music (usually pop, rock-and-roll and country, which has lots of words/emotions), helps yank feelings out of me, it has become how I get my helter-skelter, sometimes insane and often furiously conflicting emotions to come on up and out. So, if this makes sense, although I know I could (and feel as certain as it is ever possible to feel) that I will never change the way I eat, and that will make my body as well as it can possibly be, I know that unless I exercise, I will not be well inside at all. If I didn’t exercise, I would eventually go at least a little insane with the way of eating.

Earlier in this thread I believe I mentioned that this has been a harder than usual spell of remaining abstinent for me, and here I am putting it together with the fact that my exercise (my inside emotional maintenance program) has slipped. Eureka, that just might explain the difficulty.

Anyhow, that plus the frequent family gatherings have me still stuck 3-5 pounds from goal (my weight has been fluctuating between 143-145). Over the last couple of months I’ve found myself sort of procrastinating in my head, eerily like I did in the old days, “oh I’ll lose those pounds this summer when the weather’s good and I’m off work.” Except that the truth is I know my summers are only slightly less busy than the school year. What is still different from my old ways is that I do NOT waggle or procrastinate anything about the diet. That is literally set in stone, so I have never had to get myself back on the diet, not since December 1998. That plus of course I look every single day to see where I am. Denial is engineered out of the plan that way.

We’re still house hunting, last month we made an offer on the only house my husband and I have been able to agree on in the last year, but we couldn’t come to agreeable terms with the Sellers, ah well. My husband’s retirement has been shoved forward due to a buy-out deal from his company so we’ll be together a whole lot more by the end of April, gulp. He’s a little jittery about that (he’s been working 10-12 hour days for about 30 years), but I’m honestly looking forward to that, and I’m pretty sure that a few years ago I would have dreaded it.

So it looks like I’m looking at a summer with some new challenges and I’m wondering how everyone else’s LWTD journey is going?

Adele (144 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 10+ years
Maintaining at goal 7+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Last Edited on 22-Mar-2007 7:24 AM

I'll report back how that goes.

Adele (145 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 10+ years
Maintaining at goal 7+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

My husband and I have purchased a new house only 4 blocks from where we live now. It’s an extreme fixer-upper, but it is a ranch-style home, one that we hope we can more comfortably grow old in, and one where my elderly father can more easily and safely visit and even eventually live with us if he ever gets to the point where independent living in a retirement community apartment won’t work for him. We will be remodeling this house before we move into it, and expect that to take 12-15 months. We are meeting with the contractor to begin planning the changes on Monday.

My husband retired last week after 32 years with the same company. There have been two parties to commemorate that, and there’s another one coming up this Friday. The celebrations are not just for him—his company is buying out 10% of their senior staff, so there have just been a few parties to celebrate the many long-time staffers leaving at the same time instead of 20 individual celebrations.

We’ve barely made the transition as a couple—it’s only been a week, and a gorgeous one weather-wise at that, but thus far I really enjoy having my husband home, I love being able to eat dinner at a normal hour and having the evenings to do things together after dinner like shop or maybe even go to a movie now and then. (He didn’t used to get home until after 7:00 p.m. or later.)

My weight management part of my life is the same, which is a good thing. I did the harder work (to me) of getting back down to 142-143, then decided (in advance) to have one glass of wine at each party (that’s a total of two glasses of chardonnay one week apart) and I ate nothing at either party. That has me back bouncing to the higher 143-145 (I saw 146 last Saturday after the second glass). It’s honestly been years since I’ve had wine, I thought it might be worth seeing what would happen, I thought theoretically it might be a better choice than a martini which is the extremely occasional alcohol I’ve had since getting to goal. Well, now I know, and I won’t be having anything except soda water at the party on Friday. One evening’s mini-pleasure is not worth undoing several weeks of extra effort. The evenings would have been fun enough without wine. My body doesn’t care about the specialness of the occasion.

My exercise is going well, I’m able to walk most every day now that the weather is good, and I’ve also been lifting weights at home, that’s working well for me right now, it eliminates the traveling and clothes-changing time.

All in all my weight management life is rolling along the way I want, pretty much my sustained pattern. I’d still like to be at the low end of my weight range instead of the high end, and I’ll keep on keeping on toward that, and report back in a month or so.

It’s been awhile for some of the long-termers here, I hope you’ll report in soon? It’s sad to see people giving up on themselves.

Adele (144 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 10+ years
Maintaining at goal 7+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

And DH and I have another restaurant engagement Friday evening....although this one I should be able to have a steak or seafood and a salad.

This is life on maintenance. Hardly one big happy dance!

Adele (145 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 10+ years
Maintaining at goal 7+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Well, just like everything else about this journey, I’ve now accumulated a few more months of experience to show that while there isn’t much I can do to control the speed at which my body reacts to the now mostly thoughtful, gentle changes I make, when I stay consistent with doing what I want for my body/life, the results will come. It took longer than I wanted or expected, but mission accomplished: I am now at the low end of my weight range and of course I want to stay there. (I also know that part of it is that I am pretty sure we’ve only eaten out twice in the last month.)

I have also passed enough years in this bigger, better pattern to see that my overall pattern is that my weight tends to go up a few pounds in the winter and down in the summer—just a little—and that feels okay, it feels "normal". Still no way I would ever NOT weigh every single day (how’s that for a rhyme?)

We’re having a lovely summer here in the Midwest, we’ve had a lot of unbelievably comfortable weather, cool mornings and evenings, lots of all-windows-open days. I still love having my now-retired husband around, he’s slowly adjusting to a very different pace of much less commotion and pressure (he was a newspaper writer). One thing he’s done is really get into gardening, and we now have a stunning perennial garden in a spot in our yard that used to be an eyesore. Having him around also helps a whole lot with handling my elderly father, having him visit nearly every day, taking him where he wants and needs to go.

We’ve also been really busy with the new house, we’ve selected a reputable design-build firm which has drawn up what we think are exceptional plans for exactly what we’d hoped for, and we’ve been in a lot of contact with lenders, etc. to make this all happen. We expect to sign the contracts for all of it early next week. As soon as we do that, we begin the 30-day wait for all the permits, during which we must choose things things like cabinets, countertops, windows, flooring, plumbing fixtures and all that jazz.

All this as my summer off work is slowly ticking away, darn!

One little business item, the website hosting company has informed me that this site will be down for maintenance tonight for approximately 8 hours, beginning at 10 PM Pacific Time.

Adele (141 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 10+ years
Maintaining at goal 7+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

My weight crept up last year about 3-4 pounds and I made an informal goal at the beginning of the summer to get them off. And I did. Until yesterday, I had slowly reached and was holding at 140-141.

I did it the same as I have always done over the years I’ve been maintaining, by watching just a little more closely my portions and caloric intake, primarily by eating just a little more fish and just a little less pork. On average I eat about 200 fewer calories per day than I normally do.

In my almost 11 years on this path, 8 of them on maintenance, I’ve never spent a day on what anyone would term a “low calorie” approach; that, plus the high fat percentage which bestows the blessed “metabolic advantage” of this, I believe, is the crucial “factual” difference between 25-30 years of neverending hunger/cravings, floundering and gradual weight gain—between bouts of dieting to what looked like success, but wasn’t—and now. I’ve been maintaining within 5 pounds of my goal weight for almost 8 years, still a seeming miracle to me. The crucial “feelings” difference was slowly coming to the understanding, via leading with this simple diet, that complicated, fancy, or fun food (or food games/bargaining) are neither a helpful nor necessary part of my existence.

I’ve also had enough time in this pattern to see that generally I put on several pounds over the winter and take them off over the summer. Tiny changes. Sure maybe the food thrill is gone, but the panic is gone too, along with the wild weight swings.

Sunday was my 57th birthday. While birthdays generally are not a big deal to me, I had an especially nice one this year. Because it was a weekend, both my grown sons spent the day with us, and then my 90-year-old dad treated us all to a fancy restaurant dinner, where I had a martini (which is my 4-times-per-year out of the ordinary “treat”) As I knew would happen (sure, I still HOPE it won’t, lol), I spiked 2-3 pounds. I know (because I ALWAYS look so I know my body’s patterns well!) that within a day or two one of those will be gone and, assuming I stay the more portion-mindful course, it will take me 2-4 weeks to drift back down.

I am the office manager of a preschool, and now begins the most busy time for that. This plus the fact that we are 10 days into the exciting remodeling/building project on our soon-to-be retirement home is eating up a lot of time. I may have days in the next month where I can’t post as quickly as I’d like, please be patient. Due to the woman she was assisting being caught with her hands in the till, Connie abruptly took over full-time at her church job about a month ago. She simply can’t make it here right now.

In the meantime, I am just loving seeing some slow, quiet little turnarounds here. A few people are beginning to beat the incredibly stacked-against-us odds. That, plus keeping me on track, makes this worth it.

Thank you!

Love,
Adele (143 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 10+ years
Maintaining at goal 7+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Last Edited on 21-Aug-2007 5:09 AM

In a couple of weeks I’ll pass the 8 years at goal mark and begin working through the 9th. That feels very good.

This diet steadies, stabilizes, and (gasp! lol) COMFORTS me in real way that took some time to come to appreciate. Yes, there are still moments when it’s frustrating and a pain in the you-know-where. We went out to eat for my sister’s birthday earlier this week, five of us went to a (noisy!) Italian bistro-restaurant, where my host (our dad) paid $18.99 for me to have 7 medium-sized scallops on a plate of sautéed spinach. Attractive, totally legal for me, but what an overpriced waste. (I asked not to be served the roasted yams or the gnocchi that came with it, and of course I ate no bread or dessert.) I came home and had a couple of eggs and a plate of vegetables to fill me up, that hadn’t been nearly enough food. That’s one restaurant meal where I did not weight-spike the next day or two!

I would have so much rather have gathered at one of our homes (mine would have been fine) and shared a quiet meal with GOOD food and the same wonderful people. It was so loud we couldn’t hear ourselves talk, so dark my dad couldn’t read the menu, or hear the specials the waitress tried to explain. But this one wasn’t my call, those are the times we can choose somewhat carefully and do the best we can with the people we love. And go on to the next day.

I think my favorite thing about this journey is that in the last 8 years I have never gone to my closet and found something no longer fits me; I haven’t ever dreaded a social event where I’d have to find something to wear, praying that the outfit I had in mind would still fit. Or the last-minute shopping frenzy trying to find something that would fit. Seems like more than a fair trade for the now-small “effort” it takes to live this way.

Adele (141 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 11+ years
Maintaining at goal 7+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

I was recently re-reminded that my body still doesn’t like beef, especially fattier cuts, my body reacts consistently. I spiked 4 pounds when I had beef roast last Friday evening (because I was too tired and lazy after a long day at work + I didn’t feel like listening to my 90-year-old father piss and moan about me eating salmon while he and my husband ate beef roast) then we spent Sunday out of town and ate at a restaurant where I generally find steak a safer choice for me than chicken (as in less likely to be marinated or “plumped”). So okay I bargain with beef sometimes and I doubt that’s gonna change. A week later, by being extra careful, it’s back off. That’s pretty much the normal ebb and flow for me now. (And I just delivered my dad 100 miles away for a 1-week sojourn with his 86-year-old girlfriend!—grin—a happy break for both of us!)

This is week 14 of our home remodeling project which is set to run until sometime in March when, if all goes according to plan, we’ll be putting our current home on the market. The nicest thing about this will be the ability to move most of our clutter and daily living necessities and mess to the new house and sort of camp out there while we get (and then hopefully can KEEP) our current house show-ready until it sells. So when I get spare time, I’m trying to clean things out. Thanks to my time with Flylady, we’re not in terrible shape with clutter at all.

This eating style steadies me through high (if mostly “good”, exciting) stress like this, I have learned that I can trust it to steady me through anything and everything, this diet IS my rock. What a gift it continues to be, a gift I can give to myself (with a little help from my friends!), a gift I can’t imagine ripping out from under myself. But that took years of DOing it. The trust—the feelings—came, and continue to come, later.

I hope those of you who have been quiet will check in soon.

Adele (141 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 11+ years
Maintaining at goal 8+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

After an ER visit and a consultation 3 days later with several doctors, it was decided that surgery was necessary, so he spent 3 days in the hospital. Because our home is full of stairs and because he is to put no weight on his broken leg until he sees the surgeon this Friday, he’s been living in a recliner in our ground-level family room, where he has access to a half-bath. He’s using a walker to get back and forth. I have been taking care of him. Between this and my job and tending to my father as much as I can, I had to let this slide for a couple of weeks.

Life comes at you fast, indeed. There’s never a good time for an accident like this, but the fact that we are 18 weeks into a major home-remodeling project with about 12 weeks to go, is another frustrating complication. Part of why I agreed to remodeling as opposed to buying a house that didn’t need major renovations was that my newly retired husband was going to do a lot of the finish work himself—especially the priming and painting. The drywall installation begins tomorrow, and it’s time for him to jump in. Except he can’t now, so we’re having to arrange it, and I’m the driver who has to run for a lot of the supplies.

Despite all this, we’re actually doing well. We’ve enjoyed spending time alone together without some of the normal daily interruptions. This was a mini-wake-up call my husband needed to slow down a little. Although I did forget to weight myself one morning while he was in the hospital, I am on plan, this would be no time for letting my most important needs slide, I need my foundation more than ever to stay energetic, focused and to get things done. I am so grateful for the lessons I learned in the first 4-6 years of this journey: that no matter how much joy or sorrow is knocking on the door at any particular moment, I must put my own simple food needs ahead of everything and everybody else. Doing so is the opposite of selfish. Besides, staying with simple foods doesn’t take long, it doesn’t take much effort at all.

I have read the recent updates of those of you who have posted. I am sorry to hear that a few of you have decided to let totally controllable things slide out of your control, slipping back into easier, self-enabling patterns, despite having “the know”. No matter how much we know, no matter how hard or long we’ve wanted, no matter how many times, how many years we have proclaimed: “THIS time I MEAN it”, no matter how long we’ve stayed on plan “this time,” I hope it is apparent that neither the power of knowledge nor the power of positive thinking are any match for the power of negative doing.

I hope you’ll make and enforce the decision to get strong and stay strong the way you KNOW, that you will get your best only by giving and doing your best for yourself.

In one more week I’ll be off work for 3 weeks, I’ll have a little more time then; I hope those of you who still want to participate here will update your threads.

Adele (143 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 11+ years
Maintaining at goal 8+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

I’ve hosted a lot of gatherings, including a 30th birthday party for our oldest son, Christmas Eve, Christmas, New Years Eve and I’m having our family over today for a New Years Day dinner; I’ve got a pork roast in the oven and a family room full of football-watching males. It’s all at been at our house because my husband still is not permitted to put any weight on his broken leg. We also learned on Christmas Eve that we are expecting our first grandchild. Whew!

For many years now I’ve awakened on New Years Day feeling profoundly grateful to NOT feel that old familiar aching—when I was almost depressed by the wish that THIS would be the year I’d finally lose weight and keep it off. This year, for the first time, I’m surprised that I don’t feel that gratefulness at all! Maybe I’m just too pooped. Or perhaps it’s that my weight has been steady for more than 8 years, the habits for doing that through anything and everything are totally in place. It’s happening, I guess I don’t need to wish for or want it anymore. I’m not exactly done, not past tense, but finally, it’s not such a challenge anymore.

They say it takes two weeks to make a new habit? Yeah right. It’s taken me about 10 years. Wow.

Adele (142 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 11+ years
Maintaining at goal 8+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

I’m quietly battling myself (always myself) at the top of my weight range, I’ve been doing this for about 3, perhaps even 4 weeks now. It started with me deciding to test yams at the beginning of the year. My weight had been holding very steady at the low end of my 4-5 pound range for several months and I had eaten several yams over the holidays with no obvious problems. Maybe I got restless with that, I dunno. I didn’t “need” yams, in that I’m not exercising at all right now, my commitment to that fell away at the end of last summer with the added commotion of house building, plus spending time with my father every day, plus my employment re-starting. Anyway, I thought “I wonder if I could eat a small yam each day?” My husband eats a huge one almost every night (it helps him keep his weight UP). I remember thinking yams might even be a good addition to my diet. Perhaps I’m being somewhat needlessly restrictive with my diet now–after all, that’s what I’m still occasionally accused of by friends and family.

Well it turns out they aren’t a good thing for me, certainly not with that kind of frequency anyway. Lesson learned.

So I was averaging 143, most likely due to the yams, and then I had the first martini of the year (of the 4 I permit myself) at an annual staff gathering on February 1, and a week later I spiked to 145. That was no surprise—that always happens. But 3 weeks later I am still up and down 143-145, I was 145 on Wednesday, then 143 yesterday, and 144 today. I haven’t seen 142 in weeks, despite no yams, and everything else seems the same except that I’m not keeping track on Fitday and it’s probably time for at least a week of that. Maybe I’m just not being patient enough about the martini weight, and that not exercising is having an effect. Time will tell, stay tuned for my next update.

Weighing myself every day is still the cornerstone of my personal truth routine; stopping that, or even trying to change it to once a week would never work for me. I still need to watch myself like a hawk, I still have to think about not overeating. I’d like to not have to look at the facts, or maybe it’s that I still want for it to not be true that my body is this reactive. Doesn’t matter what I want. This is how it is, and I have to remind myself occasionally that in the grand scheme of life, this is not even a terrible—or an uncommon—problem to face. And yes, because of making it so, eating this way IS essentially a habit now, not difficult, it’s just boring (grin).

The house we have been remodeling should be finished next week. Because of my husband’s broken leg we are behind schedule in getting our current house ready to go on the market, in the next month or so I imagine we’ll be scrambling to do that. He is now almost totally off crutches, and this week he even managed to shovel some snow. Our plan is to move the clutter, the clothes, and the kitchen over to the new house (just a few blocks from where we live now) and essentially camp there, getting and then leaving our current house staged and ready to show until it sells. In this flat market that could take awhile, I guess we’ll see.

So that’s the state of my affairs. Now I’ll try to pry updates out of some of the quieter people here who have left us hanging!

Adele (144 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 11+ years
Maintaining at goal 8+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

I’ve been extremely busy, verging on overload. Okay, there’s nothing verging about it. I’m overloaded. Work (our busiest time is February, but it only slows a little from March-May), my omni-present father and his needs/demands, and the house remodeling—choosing lighting fixtures, appliances, paint colors, hardware etc. as well as the slow recovery of my husband from his broken leg have me pretty well fried. I peek in here daily but have had no time to sit down and think and write. (This is where the auto-pilot place we get with the diet is crucial. Bored is a beautiful and HELPFUL—I think it’s crucial—place to be with food.)

Our new house is ready except for a giant water/drainage problem that can’t be addressed until the land around it is no longer the consistency of heavy cream—they can’t dig trenches and install drains in liquid land. This was not a surprise, this was something we knew we’d be doing at the end of this project, but this has turned out to be the wettest winter we’ve had in many years. We’d LIKE to begin moving in and get our current house on the market, especially with the ailing, sinking house market right now, but we’re not going to do that until the damp basement walls and the mold this causes have all been eliminated. My husband and I both seem to have fairly reactive bodies, we have a dry basement now, we’re not willing to risk setting off reactions.

But today I am given the GIFT of a blizzard, where I am happily ensconced at home without even the ABILITY to go anywhere/do anything else. I have plenty of simple food—I learned years ago to never run out. I have two days—possibly more—to NOT be able to work on all the other plates spinning in my life. I’m a little ashamed (but totally truthful) to say that I feel relief that I CAN’T get out to see my dad this weekend! We’ve just made plans to play board games with our across-the-street neighbors this evening, how fun! So I’m taking advantage of this free-time gift to catch up here.

I’m still having difficulty with the 2 pounds. I haven’t seen 145 again since my last post, but I’ve seen 142 ONCE, and 143 about 4 times, the rest has been 144. I can imagine this seems relatively tiny, barely worth mention, to others. Oh how I used to fume when I’d hear a normal-weight acquaintance gasp and wring her hands over a 5 pound gain. But NOW I understand that. I wrote to Connie about a week ago and said in my e-mail:

I just don’t know. But I don’t have the time or patience right now to be Fitdaying, I guess I’m just not broken ENOUGH to warrant deep fixing. I’m not a bit unlike you in that department, I suspect. And that’s just ONE of the reasons why I’m so glad we still keep in touch about this. I don’t want to get to that old “oh, I’ll worry about this later” place, and especially by weighing every day I don’t THINK I’m doing that. But we need to keep talking about this so I don’t go into hiding.

I think it’s SO important to have at least ONE person with whom we keep sharing the barenaked truth because we are SO prone to hiding, over-ashamed of our real—and self-decided—“imperfections”

I do feel certain this is a combination of a few too many calories plus no appreciable regular exercise (except a sporadic walk when time and weather has permitted) since the fall when the house project got underway and my husband broke his leg. I don’t belong to a gym right now, I REALLY don’t have time, I’m not paying for what I can’t use. I will resume walking when the thaw hits.

I’m making tiny diet changes—temporarily eliminating pork (except for 3 half-slices of pork side each morning) and all nuts. I don’t eat nuts often (only when traveling, which I haven’t done in quite some time), but I do use a ground almond topping/breading when I make tilapia, and I’m going to nix that for now. I almost never eat beef, and have only had it once (flank steak) in the last month. If this weight isn’t off—and staying off—by the beginning of April, it’s going to be worth the time and minor trouble of going back to Fitday.

No hiding. I’ll keep you posted.

Adele (144 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 11+ years
Maintaining at goal 8+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

When I don’t exercise, I often begin feeling like a caged animal—restless, agitated, longing for who-only-knows-what? Probably it’s the general yearning for everything in life to make sense, work out, be fair, just, right (perfect, sigh), even though the adult me knows life isn’t like that and never will be. So much of life, especially life with others, is messy, unpredictable, uncontrollable. What I eat is not. Leading with the diet really does help separate all that for me.

A long, brisk walk calms a lot of the angst in my life. Exercise slowly became a substitute in my pattern for what I can (and even want to) do when I’m feeling rattled. Just like a binge, exercise helps put me in a different place, a kind of trance. But unlike a binge, it is good for my body and soul, and I don’t have regrets after I’ve taken a long walk—quite the opposite. I sometimes walk with friends, and those walks are great, social, fun; but they are not therapeutic in the way a walk alone is. So I am careful to make sure that I walk alone often.

More than a decade into this, it’s still easy to get caught up in fighting even the slightest regain, the overall big picture remains that I’ve managed to hold things within a 5 pound range 140-145 for many many years now. That’s still sort of incredible to me.

Please check in everyone!

Adele (143 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 11+ years
Maintaining at goal 8+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

I’ve been doing really well ever since I got off work for the summer (although I still do work 1-2 half days per week in the summers, but it’s on my own schedule). My husband and I have been happy-busy moving, fixing up our old house, getting it ready to put on the market, while sort of camping at our new house—we’re living there although we’ve left almost all of our furniture at the old one for staging. I’ve been eating three simple squares a day—no eating out, lots of salmon and chicken and plenty of vegetables, and no foods that are borderline for me. And as always, my body responds gently, positively when I consistently keep the portions of my body’s favorite foods reasonable.

And then I had 2 strawberries 1 cube of honeydew, as well as two (that’s 4 halves) of my perfectly Atkins induction-legal homemade deviled eggs that I took to our neighborhood cookout. I spiked 3 pounds this morning. (My body especially doesn’t like mayonnaise.)

Dang. Not the end of the world, I can’t imagine I won’t get it off again this summer, maybe even within a week. It’s just more confirmation that long ago I found what my body needs and it hasn’t changed. Honestly, I’m fine with that.; I’ll most likely have more deviled eggs on Labor Day. Lather, rinse, repeat...

Adele (142 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 11+ years
Maintaining at goal 8+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

I haven’t had much time to study or tidy-up here in the last couple of months, but there are threads that appear to have been abandoned for many months now. Some of them I’ll probably leave up on purpose...I think, especially if we read carefully, they can illustrate on such a personal level how our missions, passions, viewpoints and behaviors do and do not change over time and what a truly long-term challenge it is to hold to an abstinent diet. There is nothing quick, easy, or painless about this, nor is there any way feel positive or happy through every, or even most of the moments of our lives—abstinent or not.

Anyway, if you’re the owner of one of those abandoned threads and you’d like to continue sharing your journey here, please update soon!!

My weight remains within 5 pounds of goal, on the lower end of that range this summer. That’s where it landed and has stayed since I had my final moment of self-reckoning, almost 10 years ago now, when I made the decision to quit my lifetime of farting around and just do whatever it takes to see that my body got what is best for it. I don’t always love it, but I do always do it. And it’s still working. My body and I both won.

I look forward to the updates.

Adele (142 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 11+ years
Maintaining at goal 8+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

I will not be able to get back here this week or probably next. When this crisis is over I will need to get my tail over to my job and start digging myself out there—this is the busiest time there for me...until around September 17.

This is one of life's uncontrollable spells when, in the old days, I would have had ample reason to decide "My diet is the LAST thing I need to worry about right now." LWTD, despite this convergence of crises, keeps that first--as simple and basic as ensuring that I brush my teeth and have clean underwear--and "underneath" me every day. I don't WORRY, I just DO. I pack a day's worth of food every morning, and don't go to bed until I've got tomorrow's food ready to put in my bag. And that's not a whole lot different than what I do on days when I go to work. Having food with me ensures that I NEVER miss the doctors visits to his room. And I think my dad gets better care because someone is always there watching (and helping).

I'm still looking in here at the end of each day, and I promise I will respond to recent posts just as soon as I possibly can.

Adele (143 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 11+ years
Maintaining at goal 8+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

I have mentioned before that power outages are the biggest true challenge to this journey I’ve encountered in the now 12+ years I’ve been eating lowcarb. I have now encountered—and successfully maneuvered through—three such long-term outages, one two days long, one three days long, and this one for us was more than 5 days long. (For others around here it was even longer, including at the house we just moved from—had we still been living there, it would have been 7 days without power for us.)

But I got through it both eating- and sanity-wise with my now non-negotiable food habits, we even got through it without eating out (many restaurants were closed...I heard tales of long waits and short tempers...) I had pre-cooked meat (normally made ahead for my lunches) and cooked pork side in my refrigerator freezer along with a few bags of frozen vegetables which we ate in the first couple of days. On the third day, when I finally ventured to open the big freezer and face what I expected would be a melting mess, I was somewhat sorry I did because most everything was still frozen solid. I quickly grabbed 2 packages of frozen chicken and a five pound bag of frozen green beans and shut the door.

The biggest challenge by far with this particular outage, what I hadn’t had to deal with during any of the other times, was our inability to get ice until the end of our third day—the only ice I had was what was already in our icemaker bin. I put two dozen eggs along with a few things that would fit from the fridge into one cooler with that ice and we lived on that, along with potatoes and yams for my husband and some nuts for me (some almonds, mostly walnuts) until we could get more ice and a little produce (lettuce and baby carrots mostly). We have a gas range so we were able to use that for cooking.

On the fourth morning, thankfully, a former neighbor/close friend had her power restored and offered to store the contents of my freezer into hers, so we were able to save virtually all of our frozen meat; ultimately we only lost some frozen green beans and spinach from the deep freeze, and a couple dozen eggs and a few other leftovers in the refrigerator.

While I certainly can’t say I enjoyed this, there were some good things and some good times. We got to know our new neighbors a little better. It was a little exciting to see electric company trucks from all over the country rolling through here—we would wave and yell thank you, thank you as they passed by. On the business end, I think we learned some lessons about how the technological changes over the last 5-10 years have changed how we communicate. Many cell phones were inoperable—towers were down or powerless during this outage; many folks now have digital cable phones and now lose phone service along with power. And of course e-mail—dependent on cable and electricity—suddenly was not much of an option. (Even many people who still have the traditional wired phone lines lost them in this wind storm.)

Business-wise, we had a chance to learn there are no perfect solutions, we can’t plan for or prevent every emergency situation, but this was an interesting, and at least a little helpful wake-up call.

And as far as this more personal journey goes, I learned a BIG lesson, especially about ice; I’m making some simple changes in how I store foods (keeping only and exactly 3-4 days of ready-to-eat food in the refrigerator freezer and reserving the rest of that space for ice. Had I had extra ice on hand—certainly not a difficult or expensive change to make—all of this would have gone a lot more smoothly. While of course I hope never to be in this situation again, I know it can be done...and even how to do it a little better. I won’t be without extra ice next time, if there is one. And I now know my deep freeze, if full and left unopened will last more like 4-5 days, not the dire 48 hours the news media were hyping.

I’m behind here (proverbially it seems), the storm postponed and prolonged my work stress. I’m still reading here every day and, I’ll be posting my thoughts on your journeys just as soon as I possibly can.

Adele (142 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 12+ years
Maintaining at goal 8+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

In my hands-busy, brain-idle moments, I’ve been pondering the question that never goes away: “Why Do I Cheat?”

This week, while preparing a kettle of soup, I think the truth-answer hit me.

I think we cheat because we are afraid of what will happen if we don’t.

Do you agree? Anyone care to discuss your experiences with this fear?

I’ll be here as I am able. Thanks for understanding y’all.

Adele (141 this morning)
----------
168/140, Size 16/8
Lowcarbing 12+ years
Maintaining at goal 8+ years
Moderator/Owner
adele@leadwiththediet.com

Last Edited on 19-Nov-2008 6:36 PM